I'm chatting to Dave's brother, Bob while I write this and in reply to his comment that I am part of their family, loved by each of them and prayed for daily, I said, "I miss everyone so much and feel so far away from you all. I love you all so much and yes, I miss Dave like crazy. Death is so final and I'm crazily in love with him and yet he's out of reach." The times I chat with them on Skype, on the phone or in emails, just makes me miss them more, but it's good too. It's bittersweet because it's because of love and being family that it hurts to miss them.
Anyway, I was also discussing with my friend Wendy today about some of the 'minor' changes that have happened to me because of my time in the States. Simple vocabulary things like:
Purse = Handbag. When I was in the States, I kept calling the 'purse' a handbag, now that I'm back in Australia, I keep calling my handbag a purse.
Gas = Petrol I keep saying that I need to get gas. On a side note, I'd forgotten that here, we pay AFTER we fill it up and we go inside to pay, not on the bowser outside. Also, the petrol cap is not attached to the car so, I have to remember to put it back on before I drive off.
Driving on the other side of the road - When I first started driving on the right hand side of the road, I had to concentrate especially when turning left, and look forward to see where the lane was that I was driving into. Now, when I am going to my car, I have to quickly look inside the car to see what side the steering wheel is on to make sure I go to the right side of the car.
Miles vs Kilometres - When Nathan and I were test driving cars, I kept checking to see how many miles it had done and Nathan kept reminding me that "we use 'kilometres', mum."
Mobile Phone= Cell Phone - Often catch myself saying "cell phone" instead of mobile phone. At least it's quicker to write/type cell phone than the other way.
Clothes/Prices - When I first walked into a store (shop - I am still finding it hard to say shop instead of store), I was dismayed by the prices of clothes and the quality of the clothing for those prices. I had forgotten the difference.
These are just a few of the things I am having to readjust to again. It just surprises me when I catch myself rethinking things that I thought were second nature to me. One time when Dave and I were driving, he got upset at me because I had gotten the number of the address wrong. (I hadn't - he had misheard) and I went quiet rather than argue with him. A few minutes later, he apologised and said that he forgets that not everything that is second nature to him, is like that for me and that I've had to make changes that he isn't aware of.
So many thoughts I have and right now the season is for me to wait and be patient and take a step at a time. It's the season for me to grieve but also for me to figure out who I am, what my priorities are now and what kind of life I am going to live. All too soon I will get busy again when I have a job so I need to be able to just use this time to reflect, refresh and heal. I sometimes try to jump ahead and find out something way down the track but I have to be content with what is now. Like I read today, "Can I, in my circumstances, "hope in the Lord"? Can I wait in faith and patience without fretting and without questioning God's wisdom? Can I trust Him while He works in me His good, acceptable and perfect will?..... I am unable to undertand all that God is doing in me and it is impossible to try."
P.S. If some of my blog posts seem repetitive, maybe it's just because it's constantly on my mind or something... No apology from me. :)
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