My Place In This World

I was hanging the washing out on the line, the sun shining and although it's still a little cool, there's a breeze so the clothes should dry fairly quickly.  As I hung them out, I thought about how 18 or so months ago, I had had my photo taken of me hanging out the clothes because I thought that would be the last time I'd ever have to do that chore.  Dave had told me many times that there's no point in having a clothesline at our home because it's too dusty and it takes up unnecessary time. 

Sometimes life just seems so unfair!!!  Here I am in Australia, without Dave.  Right now I really need to talk to him, to get his perspective on things, to find out what he would be doing/saying and yet, he's not here and I have to make decisions without his input.  I don't want to come across as 'whiney' but the fact is, it's hard to convey not only how much it hurts but how it impacts on me, my life, my emotions and my choices.  I know who Dave is and I know what he would say and even do but he's not here.

Yesterday I heard Michael W Smith singing the song, "My Place In This World":

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled

A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems

Feels like I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world

My place in this world

That song expresses it so accurately for me.  I'm trying to find a place where I belong, a place where I can start afresh without Dave, moving on, looking for a reason to even want to belong somewhere.  At times I am hopeful but then I remember the hope Dave and I shared to continue our life together for more years to come.  Looking for a reason.... 

On the other hand, there are some positive steps forward. 

I picked up my 'new' car yesterday.  It's a 2002 Toyota Rav 4 Edge with low kms, AWD and plenty of space to throw in my bike and a backpack and head for the beach, the hills, or wherever I want to go.

Tomorrow I have a job interview for teaching at a Christian school.  (Wednesday, 5:15pm for Aussies and Tues. 11:15pm PST in the USA)  I would really like this job and think I am a good 'fit' for it so please feel free to pray for me and pray that whatever happens I will remember that God does have a purpose and plan for my life.  Today I'm going to prepare a 'portfolio' of my teaching experience and initiatives, with photos, so that I'll be able to hand them something visual and concrete.  I know that when I do have a job, even though I wouldn't be starting until 2012, I would be able to feel a lot more settled here and at least have a direction in which to move forward.

Since there are so many things I don't have control over, that do affect my life, I'll just have to keep trusting God and leaning on Him to get me through this time.