An example of a high wave: I bought myself a car that I pick up on Monday. It's a Toyota Rav 4, 2002 with only 53,000kms on it. About 5 years ago, when I first spotted a Rav 4, I wanted to have it but since I already had a decent car, I didn't get it. I am very excited to be getting an AWD Rav 4. I did think about getting a Ute, like a Navaro or Colorado and then I was going to settle for a hatchback that I could throw my bike in but the hatchback was too small, the sedan wasn't easy to throw my bike in and the ute was out of my price range. The Rav is just right!!!!
Today, Nathan, Melanie and I went to a few stores in this small country town. I saw Tony who commented that he hadn't seen me in a while and asked where I had been. Being an acquaintance I replied, "Living in the States". "Half yer luck, what were you doin' there?" "Teaching, riding horses...." "That would have been interesting!" I kept walking. Said hi to Heather who knew a bit more information about me but when she asked if I was just here for a vacation, I had to let her know that Dave had passed away. I saw Wendy M who already knew and was just happy to see me, then got 'swamped' by the Wilson kids who are about my age. Got hugged and invited back to their dad's 82nd birthday party so went home, spent some time with Karen and Mikaela after Nathan and Melanie had gone, then walked around to the Wilson's.
On my way there, I was thinking about things, as I do and thought about if it was any other family, I wouldn't be dropping in. I again thought about how much I wish Dave was here so I could share all this with him and then had to distract myself from getting all teary and upset. They were all so happy to see me and as usual, I felt right at home. The boys treat me like their kid sister as they always have done and Jill and I are similar in so many ways. When Michael playfully punched me in the arm and I complained to his mum, she replied, "You're big enough to look after yourself!" On my way home it began raining but it was only a few drops.
There are so many people in my life, so many good friends who are kind and thoughtful and who accept me and love me for who I am. When I was walking through town the other day, I was at times, furtively looking around to see if any of the 'gossipers' were around, then realised that I have nothing to be ashamed of and gossipers are going to be in any small town but they are the minority.
Every night when I lie in bed alone, I think about Dave and think about how nice it used to be to sleep in his arms, listen to him snoring beside me and just feel him next to me. Every morning when I wake up alone, I wonder what the day is going to hold and even wonder why I bother getting up. I get up because I know I have to and because I know if I don't, there are family and friends who will make sure I do because they love me. I am thankful that God has given me the kind of friends and family who do all they can to help me through this time. I am thankful for their love and kindness.
I am thankful but even so, I wish I wasn't alone and wasn't having to share my 'story' about being widowed. I wish Dave and I could go riding and camping together and make lots more memories together. But see now? I am diving down into the wave and I need to take hold of one of those life buoys/rings and rise to the surface. It doesn't matter if I don't make it to the top of the wave right now, but I do need to make sure I don't get sucked down so far that I can't find my way back up to the surface again.
Mark Lowry sings a great song called, "Nothing to Prove"
".....Said it's OK to make mistakes, just don't get stuck in yesterday.
Forgive, forget and move ahead, cause life is what you make of it.
"Saying live with no excuses,
And love with no regrets.
Laugh a lot
Leave this life with nothing left unsaid
Make this world a better place
And don't be afraid to cry,
So when it's finally time to say goodbye
You've nothing to prove, nothing to lose, nothing to hide.
You said live your life with passion
Give it all you've got
Dream big dreams then pay the price
And you'll come out on top
Don't measure life by what you have
But what you are inside
When it's finally time to say goodbye,
You've nothing to prove, nothing to lose, nothing to hide.
No comments:
Post a Comment