Flying across the ocean, almost to land in Australia. The food on the aeroplane was edible, not delicious so I only ate small amounts. My US influence meant I was eating with just a fork until I remembered that I can use a knife and fork here, without people thinking I’m ‘different’. It’s normal to keep the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right. (Unless one is left-handed) I must admit though, that at first the cacophony of aussie accents irritated me. There’s probably some subconscious reason for this which I’m choosing to ignore. I managed to l sleep a few hours, watched a couple of inflight movies and chatted to the Aussie woman sitting next to me, whose life story is not that much different to mine.
One memory prevalent in my mind right now is when Dave and I were standing in the living room; He had his hands on my shoulders and I had my arms around him. I looked up at him and said, “I just want you to be proud of me”. He bent his head closer to mine and in a slightly broken voice, whispered, “I am proud of you!” Dave found it hard to believe that I could love him so much and he constantly wondered out loud as to why I would want to please him and make him happy.
Now that he isn’t here anymore, I still want to live in a way that would make him proud of me. The fact is, I want to live life to the fullest (since it appears I have to stay on this earth) and I want to be the woman God created me to be. Yes, the direction of my life seems uncertain at this time, I don’t have a job, a home, or a car, nothing yet that is certain but I can’t sit around waiting for something to happen. We all have choices to make and those choices have consequences which affects the direction our life takes.
I’m reading a book called, “500 Acres and No Place to Hide” by Susan McCorkindale. She refers to herself as a counterfeit farm girl, whose husband dragged her kicking and screaming from the suburbs to a 500 acre beef cattle farm. Anyway, she visited a 5th grade class to teach them about writing and said to them, “Every single day, something happens in your life that is worth writing about…. But the trick is, you have to pay attention. You have to be aware. Don’t just float along and let your life happen to you. Be conscious of the moment. Make note of it.”
On one of the movies I was watching on the plane, the advice to one of the characters was similar to her quote. Make decisions. Say yes or no rather than say nothing. The passenger next to me suggested I write ten things I want to see happen in the next 12 months. Someone had recommended that ‘strategy’ to her when she hit rock bottom and I agreed that it seems like a good idea. I’ve been thinking about what I would write but right now, I’m not ready to spell those out.
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