I Don't Have Dave

It doesn't matter where I go, what I do or how much sleep I get because when I am awake, my thoughts are with Dave and nothing and no one can bring him back to me.  There are days when I can be positive and there are days when I wonder why I have to go through this hurt, this pain, this widowhood thing.  Everyone assures me that the pain will lessen with time and I know that's true but in the meantime, what am I supposed to do with these tears?

It's hard when there is nothing no one can do or say to help and you don't want to make them feel bad or awkward so you hide away.  It's not bad either to hide away and since grief is a process, it's all part and parcel, I suppose.

The thing is I try not to cry and then that makes me cry more because I remember why I feel so sad.

I guess I just have to put it down to 'one of those days'.

I drove aimlessly today although I ended up at a shopping centre and while I was still in the carpark, I called Dan and Rhonda, just to hear their voice.  But today I kept thinking about how life has gone on for everyone else and although they miss Dave, they have a home, a family, some stability and their life is as it has been. 

I have no job.
I have no home.
I have no 'security'.

But most of all, I don't have Dave.