Keep Moving Along the Garden Trail

Right now I'm in an aeroplane.. (well I was when I wrote it in the book but now I'm typing it here, I'm in San Francisco airport.)  At 11pm I'll be flying from San Fran back to Australia.  The passenger next to me is quiet and reading from her "Kindle".  I'm sure if I made the effort, I could engage her in conversation, but with my heart feeling sad and me trying to hold back the tears, I don't bother.  Refreshments are coming and of course I'll have a diet coke,

Technology has changed so much that while I am at the airport, I can log on to the internet on my laptop.  When I was at Seattle, I skyped with my sister Lindy, read and replied to emails and checked Facebook.  It certainly helped to make the time go by quicker.

I read in the in-flight magazine that;

     "Many Hollywood movies are built on some sort of cheesy quest in which the character goes through the crucible of: 1. the death of a loved one 2. a trip to a faraway land and 3. an inner journey, often spiritual, that parallels the real one."

Hollywood here I come! And we all know that the classic Hollywood movie ends "happily ever after".

I have a bunch of mixed emotions swirling around my heart and my head and 'hope' is trying to embrace even the loss and pain so that I can move forward in life.  When I was leaving home last Sunday, I thought about pulling over to the side of the road so that I could take photos of the views I was leaving behind.  As I considered it, I told myself that I needed to keep moving forward.

Right now there's the urge to start counting my losses, replaying the 'farewells' of those I love so much.  There's the constant tugging of my heart strings to think about Dave, about the memories we shared and the love that grew between us.  I keep looking at my wedding ring and keep picturing the loving look in his eye, the smile on his face as he would hold me closely.  I keep looking around at the passengers on this plane and fleetingly wonder who they are and what their story is.

There's another pull at my heart, the hope that urges me forward.  The knowledge that when I return to Australia, I will be welcomed and loved by family and friends.  Over the next few weeks/months, a new chapter in my life will begin to unfold and I will experience some kind of purpose and sense for all that has shaped me over the past two years.

However, I must admit that after reading grief books, fiction & non-fiction, watching movies and TV shows where a loved one has died, I wonder if I will have a melt-down in a public place or even if I will resort to hiding myself away, eating bucketloads of chocolate, consuming large quantities of diet coke and staying in my pjs for days on end.

On the other hand, I'll be living close to the beach at first, and so I can look forward to long walks that are healing and prayerful and refreshing.  I'm also thinking of buying a bicycle so that I can go riding and maybe ride with friends like Melanie K and Karen.  So far it seems that God has decided I still have a future on this earth, so until that changes, I guess I'll have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, along the Garden Trail He has placed me on.