The Last Day of 2011

The last day of 2011 began with warm sunshine, the bluest of blue skies and was quiet apart from the hum of the air conditioners and a car passing by every  now and again.  Saturday mornings when I was growing up always seemed different to the weekdays but these days, one major difference is the lack of children's voices filling the streets as they play cricket out on the road or hide n' seek and other neighbourly games. 

As I walked to the supermarket intent on getting some cleaning products for my 'new' furniture, I noticed that the barriers on the roundabout were all mangled and only a few feet away, on the corner naturestrip near the old people's home, was the front panel of a white car.  The fence man stood at his gate and decided I was a likely candidate to complain to, since there had been 13 accidents there in the last year or so and the *&^$#%* council don't take any notice that the "*^&$*#*" roundabout is too small, not visible enough and "Mark my words!  There's going to be a fatality there any day now and then they might take notice. "  As I kept walking, he kept talking and kept asking me to agree with him and I quickened my pace.  Following the trail of glass on the road for about 50 feet or more (I really don't know how to measure in feet) was the rest of the car, parked awkwardly, partly on the naturestrip and partly on the road.  On my way back, green shirt man standing on the corner of the roundabout tried to engage me in conversation about the accident at 1am that day and also pointed out the burnt patch of grass that had happened a week before when a car had been burnt out.  I told him about the 'Detective Vehicle' label on the white car up the road and continued my walk, not daring to look behind to see if he was following me. 

At home, I unpacked the plastic bags (I forget to take the recycling bags) and took out the plethora of cleaning products.  The BBQ got scrubbed down and is almost ready to use, except that I forgot to get the gas bottle that went with it.  I packed a couple things in my overnight bag and headed west to visit my friends Ron and Donna as I was spending New Years Eve with them.  It was a good drive down although I stopped at one stage to make sure I was going the right way, as it seemed too easy.  Reassured, I arrived at their place in time to eat a fresh, warm oliebollen that Ron had just served up! Mmmmm!  So good!

Down at the foreshore, the water was the bluest of blue and sailing boats lazily moored around.  We walked.  We walked some more.  Donna wanted to know why Ron had parked so far away from our destination but Ron just grinned and we kept walking.  Ron went to buy some fish n' chips while the boys took part in the free activities provided for by the council. 

Sometimes I think it would be so nice to be a child, to be unfettered by life's concerns, to be able to run along a brick wall, jump off into the green grass below and talk to Tubby the Robot as 'he' pushed along a pram with a baby robot in it.

Ron came back with 2 servings of chips that had cost $14 and taken almost an hour to get.  He told stories of customers setting up their chairs to wait and a man in a black suit taking cash out of the till to keep the would-be burglars at bay.  There were lots of ice-cream trucks in the area but not many foodstalls so that fish n' chip store took it's time and charged more than they should have. People grumbled but they wanted to eat chips.

We headed to their friends' house where a small fire was burning in the centre of the arranged seating and I made some new friends while mosquitoes found my unprepared ankles and feasted on my blood.  Ron cooked more oliebollen so, being the good friend I am, I ate as much as I could fit in... which would have been less if the fish n' chip shop had been more generous in their servings.  When it was almost 12, the group of us walked up to the corner to watch the fireworks that were a few miles below at the beach.  The countdown began and the fireworks lit the sky.  My heart broke like the shattered lights of fireworks and the tears fell.  Last year, I saw the new year in with Mom Flowers, we watched the fireworks on TV while Dave snored in the seat beside me, with the blanket over us to keep us warm and the heater turned up high.  This year, the start of a new year, I stood on the corner, alone, but surrounded by friends, watching fireworks at the end of a very warm day.

What will the new year hold?  I have no idea.  I have no idea where I will be next year and I don't even try to predict what I'll be doing tomorrow.  As I looked through some photos of 2011 today, I saw that I had done a lot and shared a lot with my beloved, Dave.  The last 5 months without him have been incredibly difficult, more than I could even describe, although I have attempted to, in this journey of my life since then. 

I am thankful for the love and support of my family and friends which has amazed me at times, that they would be so kind.  I know that God does have my future in His hands.  Last night, after we were back at Ron and Donna's, we sat and reflected on what I'd been through and the fact that I am back in Australia and it was hard not to shake my head and wonder why I am in this place and what God had in store for me.  But, this afternoon, as Donna shared about what was on her heart, she reminded me of the verse from Ps. 139:16

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. "

None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, today is a gift so we need to make the choice to honour God with the way we live and the way we love and treat others.  I loved Dave, I love Dave and I am glad that I had the privilege of being his wife and being able to love him in a way that he hadn't been loved before.  I am glad that his last day with me was one of tenderness, intimacy and acceptance of our love together.

I miss him.