
On my way to bed, I turned out the lights in the loungeroom and I hadn't realised that all the other lights were off in the house so as I walked into the kitchen, I bumped into the corner of the brick wall. Undettered, I walked to the bathroom, turned on the light, brushed my teeth and went and looked at the spot marked "bump" over my eyebrow and it was a little bruised and stung a little to my touch but I decided I would live despite that.
In the morning I was woken up by the garbage truck going past and realised that I hadn't put the bin out last night. I had had weird dreams and I sensed this wasn't going to be one of my better days. The postal lady came with a box from Koorong (Christian bookstore) that was filled with goodies for my classroom reward box and a couple of books and while I was outside, I checked the mailbox. Inside was a bill from a phone company that I was not affiliated with.
The box was left unopened while I dealt with the phone company who explained that the phone company I deal with are affiliated with them and that my phone company hadn't set me up right so I still had to pay for the international calls, a mobile call and an interstate call which were not even at the rates my phone company had quoted me on. I called my phone company and they explained that it was their error but unfortunately I would still have to pay the bill and they rectified the problem.... they said. I tried to call Mom Flowers and a recorded message told me they could not connect me. I called them back and again told them that had they informed me that I was going to be using the other phone company to begin with, I would have waited. Again, they apologised and said that I would still have to pay the bill and they've now fixed the problem, so try again in half an hour or so.
Nathan and I went for a walk to the store because I needed the staples in life: bread, milk and diet coke. I found some more goodies for my classroom and home, including a top hat to put the children's names in for when I am selecting partners or need to be objective about whose turn it is. I do enjoy preparing and getting organised for my class and my spare room/office, is starting to fill with my classroom treasures and resources. As we walked and talked, the things started tugging at my heart, overwhelming me again and I burst into tears. "It's not fair!" I cried and Nathan agreed and suggested that I show him around the school this afternoon to cheer myself up again. That's not going to work. I don't even want to become one of those single women who pour themselves into their work because they don't have a life.
I have a life and at the moment, it's not what I had planned. I miss Dave and still feel ripped off that I am not living my life with him, in our home. Having to budget my money so that I have enough to live on until my first pay day, having to deal with 'new' phone companies, unexpected bills, buying stuff that I had in my home with Dave, is emotionally draining and simply, not fair!
It all comes down to I miss Dave more than I can say and loved him more than I imagined. Living life without him is not what I planned nor what I really want to do. I know that I have to, but I don't like it!
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