Quietly Missing Dave

Sometimes in the neighbourhood, there is a howling of dogs and it reminds me of the coyotes back home.  Dave used to go out and light a firecracker even if it was two in the morning and the coyotes would run cowardly away for the rest of the evening.  I much prefer to be out in the country away from the clatter, crowds and cacophony of suburbia.  I used to love watching the sun rise through the bedroom window and hear the horses galloping and neighing around the pasture, as morning began.

I'm not sure anyone would notice if I lit a firecracker here as they'd probably put it down to a car backfiring or a gun shot somewhere.  The dog next door barks constantly and right now I can hear the sounds of children playing "Cowboys and Indians" while a car drives past with his stereo blaring.  The neighbour has finished lawn mowing and it seems like a typical Saturday in the suburbs.  Unfortunately, I can't say typical "summer's" day because the sky is overcast and it's quite cool outside.   I even brought my washing in before the towels were dry, in case it rained.

Nathan has gone after being here for a few days.  I enjoy him staying here and he doesn't realise how much his presence encourages me to get up in the morning and get through the day.  We watched a few good movies together including, "The King's Speech" and "Mr and Mrs Smith" which is one of my favourites.  Last time I watched Mr and Mrs Smith was at home with Dave beside me.  We both enjoyed it but now I think I enjoyed it more because he was beside me, as usual with his arm around me, sitting on our recliner together.  Once Nathan had gone, I got to cleaning and tidying up, mopping floors, vacuuming, washing and all the other chores that can wait when a loved one is spending time with you.

There's a lot of things for me to think about.  Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach and it feels all twisted and knotted and I wonder what it is bothering me.  It doesn't take long to recall the long list.  The thing is, I can be enjoying a quiet afternoon like now, and yet I just want to sit beside Dave.  I miss him and it's not always a heart-wrenching, tear-filled, curl up and sob type "miss him".  Right now, I'm looking forward to reading quietly for a bit, watching a movie or some TV before I go to bed.  I might even see if "Keeping Up Appearances" is on as that was a normal Saturday night show Dave and I enjoyed together before we went to bed.  However, I am aware that Dave is not home with me  and even though I am not crying, I am missing him.  I know he's a part of me but I want to have him physically beside me so I can talk to him, listen to him and just know he is there. 

I know it's not going to happen and the neighbour is out mowing his lawn again, the dogs are barking and it didn't end up raining despite the grey clouds threatening.  I miss Dave with every fibre of my being and every breath I take.  I love him so much!