Living Life

The sound of revving engines, aeroplanes flying overhead, trains rolling past and a blend of different birds’ songs fills the air.  Outside, the cars in my street are shiny brand-new Utes, cars with spoilers and P plates in car windows, suggesting that I am surrounded by young adults.  Children’s voices are heard as they play outside and at night, the street seems quiet by 10pm. 

Don’t get me wrong about living life.  My sanguine side does bounce into play sometimes and I am able to be thankful for the new life that I am embarking on.  With every breath, I miss Dave and with every new thing I experience, I want to share it with him but I am also well aware of the fact that I enjoy many things in this life.  I like walks on the beach, hiking up a (small) mountain, climbing a tree, walking in the bush, driving in picturesque places and spending time with friends and family. 

Yesterday, my son and his girlfriend came around to visit me in my new home.  Melanie brought a plate full of yummy goodies that she and her mum had made as well as a lovely poinsettia plant as a housewarming gift from her family.  The principal and his wife popped in and helped me assemble my brand new bed.  It is very comfortable! I have a lot of loved ones who are walking beside me on this garden trail and their encouragement and support is invaluable and enjoyable. J

I ‘finished’ shopping for the week and I think I have everything I need for the time being.  I will wait until my stuff from the US arrives before I go buying any more trinkets, kitchen gadgets and other items so that I can see what more I might need.  Some things will have to wait until I start getting paid in February so that I can afford to pay the bills in the meantime.  I do like being in my own home and being able to choose how to arrange things and the feeling of being settled in this place, at least for a year.  I also like the routine of being at home.  There is an indoor swimming pool just down the road, squash courts about 5kms from here and places to walk or ride my bike.  I’ve almost convinced a new friend to come try Zumba with me… At least we’d find out if it was something to continue doing or not.

As for my new job, I had orientation day last Tuesday and so I’ve been introduced to my new class of grade 3/4, mostly grade 3 and mostly boys.  Boys of that age are active and these boys have spark so it will be an interesting, entertaining and challenging year.  Each child in my class has a unique personality and I know that 2012 will be a good year with my grade.  I am looking forward to it.  The staff was very friendly and the grade 4 teacher and I were able to regale some of the other staff with our ‘classroom anecdotes’ over the lunch break.  There was laughter and I’m sure there will be more laughter and possibly tears over the coming year.

When I look back over the last two years, there have been many, many changes in my life and I think that it was only in about June of this year, that I felt settled in my new life.  I was beginning to do everything ‘new’, as though I had been doing it a lifetime and I had adjusted to this lifestyle with Dave.  I filled up the car with gas, took my purse with me, talked about the weather in Fahrenheit and knew my way around Spokane.  When Dave passed away, I was again thrown out of that settled life into a period of unsettlement again.  Now that I am back here, I am rediscovering the things I used to enjoy prior to going to the States but my life has also been enriched by what I learned and experienced with Dave. 

But I still ache to be with Dave, to be in his arms again and to be sharing my life with him. I still want to bring him and everything I enjoyed in the States into my life here in Australia.  I still long to feel his touch, be embraced by him and be loved by him.  There are no words to adequately describe the ache of missing him and all that he is to me, the ache of living my life without Dave.