I have just experienced an amazing two days of speakers and music! When Maurine first asked me to go to WOF I said that since I was 'newly wed' I'd prefer to spend the time with Dave. A couple of weeks ago she asked me again and said there was a spare ticket. I knew what those two days would hold. As I put on make up (a rare occurence) I debated about the mascara. I knew there would be tears. On the morning of the second day, I didn't bother with make up.
Grief. Throughout the weekend, once again the grief of losing my husband was always uppermost in my thoughts. As we sang worship songs to God and His faithfulness, I knew that He was carrying me through this difficult time and so gentle tears would slide down my cheeks. As speakers and singers shared their story, shared how God had carried them through the trials of life, how God had provided their every need, I also reflected on the hope that God, in me, provides all that I need.
"What is God going to do with me now?" There were two ways I asked this question. One was with hope: "Hey, God, what have you got in store for me? What work are you going to do in my life? What blessing are you going to bring out of this pain?"
The second way I asked that same question went like this: "God??!! What are you going to do with me now? How am I going to get past this hurt? When I feel like running away, when I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore, when all I want to do is cry...? What are you going to do with me now, God?"
There was so much hope but it got mixed up with the hurt and I really hate being on the verge of tears and yet I know that grieving is healthy. I need to process this and recognise that I'm not superwoman. The speakers and singers who stood up on the stage had been through grief, trials, joys and they were real, just as I am real. They spoke words of encouragement and hope. It was awesome. Mandisa's song of "Stronger" really touched me.
When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...
Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares...
Today, the 2nd day, Sandi Patty got up and not only sung but shared her story. Sandi Patty. Wow! Twenty five or so years ago, I had all her albums - records, plastic, not CDs. I had gone to one of her concerts and asked my singing teacher, "If I gave up my day job and trained/practised 24/7, would I be able to sing like her?" He looked at me and gently, very gently, with a smile on his face said, "No." Well, when I was there today and even last night when I realised she'd be there today, I thought about how wonderful it would be to meet Sandi Patty. I even prayed about it and told God that I really felt that I needed that special blessing. We were sitting in section 111 of the Spokane Arena and at the end of the event, were told that Sandi and other speakers would be in section 101.
I headed out with my friends Linda and Maurine and saw a group of people lining up outside our section 111. The line snaking around and out. Then I saw a volunteer event person turn someone around saying, "This is the line for Sandi Patty". I looked at her and asked her to repeat what she just said - the line was so short. Without saying anything to Linda and Maurine who had walked further on, I went and lined up. Thirty two people were allowed to see Sandi Patty. I was number 29, I think. I heard the girl behind me say she was from Reardan and I recognised her from basketball matches that Dave and I had gone to when watching Liz play. We talked and she offered her condolences. I kept trying to 'steel' myself to meet Sandi. I didn't want to be a blubbering mess but by the time I got there, I just hugged her a couple times and we chatted briefly and I cried but she was so good. I told her about Dave, told her about my singing teacher, told her I'd always enjoyed her singing etc and she told me how brave I was to even be there. As we got our photo taken together, another lady standing nearby said, "Oh that's so beautiful. So real! This is what it's all about." So, I got to meet Sandi Patty, hug her and tell her she was wonderful. I felt so blessed!
Once again, my Lord knew what I needed and over those two days, He provided and took care of my heart!!!
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