A couple of days ago I was visiting a shopping mall when in the corner outside a pet shop, I saw a western saddle. The leather was good quality, the stitching intact and the price was good. I thought it might be a dream come true and on the way home talked about the pros and cons with a good friend and decided to pursue the possibility of purchasing it.
I've been reading a book called, "Life Without Limits" and a biography called, "My Life and Lesser Catastrophes". In conversations with close friends and family, as well as my reading, the theme seems to be having a dream and pursuing it.
Nick Vujicic says,
".. I was relying on what I could see. I was focussed on my limitations rather than on my possibilities.
We all have limitations... You should never live according to what you lack. Instead, live as though you can do anything you dream of doing. Even when you suffer a setback or a tragedy, there is often an unexpected, totally improbable, and absolutely impossible benefit to be realized. It may not happen right away. You may at times wonder what good could possibly come of it. But trust that it all happens for the good -- even tragedies can turn into triumphs."
It's hard for me to make goals and pursue it. Over the last few years, my life has been anything but predictable and although dreams have been made, they haven't come to fruition and instead, my life keeps getting turned upside down. Sometimes I wonder what the right side up is anymore. I am torn between wanting to have a dream and pursue it and being scared to risk turning my life upside down and having to start all over again. What do I really want in my life? What do I want to be passionate about? If I could have anything, what would it be?
The saddle is symbolic. I want a western saddle because that's what I'm used to, because that's what I had in my life with Dave and because it is a visual reminder of the dream I have to own a horse and ride. It's a dream I've had since I was a young, something I had in the life I shared with Dave and something I still want because of all that. After thinking and talking about it, I realised that buying that particular saddle wasn't the best or practical option, yet.
I've spent some time with my friends, the king and queen and they keep telling me I need to think outside the box and think about what is important to me in my life. I keep walking along this garden trail, moving forward trying to find a purpose for my life and trying to find where I belong and where I feel I can put down roots. It is a process and at the moment, there's a need for me to try this, try that, see if I like it, see if it's something I can't live without and see if it fits me. I want a quick fix but I'm also aware that it doesn't happen like that. I am content with who I am and what I have but there's a desire to leave this chapter of my life and get on with whatever's next.
Today I looked out over the blue water with a glorious blue sky on the horizon, rolling green hills, sandy shores and solid rocks all within my view. The wind blew through my hair and I loved the fresh smell of the ocean. Tomorrow I will go with my good friends to a new place with a river to swim in, new friends to make and a swag to sleep in when night comes around. I have never slept in a swag under the stars before and I'm looking forward to it! Life continues and today we make choices that will affect tomorrow.
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