"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
I think I have done almost everything else that could be done apart from my assignment and admittedly, I have worked on my assignment too. Poor Sharyn asked when I called her today, if I was going to be doing any more behaviour management subjects because it's not her favourite topic so I reassured her that it's the only one. She knows me well and understands that I need someone to use as a sounding-board so that I can process my thinking but it does help that she knows about working in schools, classroom management and the education side of things. She is also very good at listening to what needs to be done and working through with me, what I think the topic is about.
When I met with the lecturer the other day, even though it was for a different subject, he gave me some good advice about my assignments and said I needed to make sure I think analytically rather than descriptively. The example he gave was if he asked me to tell him about my loungeroom, I would likely describe to him the furniture, colours, shapes etc but if I was to tell him about it from an analytical perspective, I would say "why" I had certain pieces of furniture in there and what 'atmosphere' I was trying to create. So, my challenge is to analyse the topic and write academically.
Apart from tossing concepts, words and analyses around, my head is also dealing with such thoughts as, "You can't do this - it's too hard." "What were you thinking when you started this course?" "You are out of your depth." except I know those messages aren't true. I know that I have time to do this assignment and I want to do it and do it well, which may be part of the problem. I am scared of not doing well so I procrastinate in order not to fail. I know it's a Catch 22 scenario. I thought if I blogged for a bit, that might help to clear my head and I might go for a walk to the letterbox and play with Milly for a few moments, later. There are some clouds in the sky and it's not a particularly warm day but since it's not raining, there's no excuse for not going out to play. (Apart from needing to write 2,000 words.)
It was good to meet with the lecturer the other day. Apart from talking about my studies, he also wanted to get to know me and wanted to hear my story. At times it was hard to tell if he was putting on the 'counsellor' hat and trying to model the good listening skills that I need to have done for my recording which I need to analyse but he seemed quite impressed by my progress in life. He said that I was pro-active about living and that I had taken risks that others in my position wouldn't. He said I look very healthy indicating I take good care of myself and he talked about different stages of grief, loss and change which was reassuring and encouraging. In our discussion, I acknowledged that I am at a place where I enjoy what I am doing, it is meeting my needs and I am content, feeling quite settled in this place. I shared with him the analogy of the bathtub and he referred to it later on adding a bit more to that analogy.
It was interesting when he brought up one line of thought and said how last year, I would have viewed myself as the 'grieving widow' but now I would be trying to figure out who I am now in terms of whether I am single and ready for relationships or not. I added that I don't know whether I am Mrs, Miss or Ms anymore. When I fill out forms, sometimes I check the Mrs box, sometimes the Ms and sometimes I just leave it blank and let others fill it in. I am Mrs Flowers because I was married to Dave but now I am no longer married to him, not by choice but because he passed away. When I got home that afternoon, I called the principal and he greeted me with "Hello Mrs Flowers" and before I said anything, he quickly added, "Is it Mrs or Ms?" I told him that I don't know and that is the question I've been asking.
Well I have updated my vehicle registration and my driver's licence so now when I drive around town, nobody will know that I am from interstate. It feels good to have all that updated - one more step completed in the mountains of paperwork required when moving interstate... Hey, I moved internationally successfully so interstate is somewhat more simple. It was nice to have all the paperwork required when I went to the Department of Transport without any glitches except for the hyphen in my name. The computer didn't like the fact that I no longer have a hyphen in my name. Who would have thought a hyphen could make such a difference?! I love the new number plate letters on my car. The word it makes means "Path, way, route". Very fitting and with having "The Edge" series of a Rav4, it all works well together.
Well the afternoon is slipping away and Milly is sleeping at the back door so I need to get on with my assignment. Thanks for reading and for caring.
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