More Than A Little Blessed

On Saturday as I was riding on a mountain, crossing through rivers, listening to kookaburras laugh and seeing beauty in all directions, I was so thankful for my life and of the many good things I am privileged to enjoy. As I looked around me and reflected over the past few years, I could see so much good has come out of hard circumstances. I suffered loss and heartache but I have grown stronger through it. I have learned to appreciate and value many things which others take for granted in their lives.

I take lots of photos which Dave used to make fun of me about but I will continue to take photos so that I can remember all the good times and the people who are a part of my life. Photos don't capture the full beauty of the moment or the scene but they remind me of the enjoyment I received at that time. When I look at a sunset at the end of a day, I am thankful that I got through another day. Sometimes I will say, "Thank you God for this day" and other times I will say, "Thank you God for getting me through another day." As I walk along the beach, I am thankful for the sounds of the waves crashing on the rocks and of children laughing as they race each other down to the water's edge. I am thankful that I can see the blue ocean, the threatening grey clouds on the horizon and the blue skies above the grey ones. I am thankful that I can feel the soft sand between my toes and can feel the warm sunshine on my face.

 

As I was riding, I was mindful that Mother's Day was the next day so I thought about my mum and her influence in my life. Over the years, there's been so many times when I have wanted to call her and tell her what's on my heart and longed to hear her reassurance once again. I thought about Nathan and that even though we couldn't be together on Mother's Day this year, he is still my son who I gave birth to and I am proud of the young man he has become. I thought about Dave and how much I love and miss him. I remembered a time when he went out of his 'usual' way and held me close and told me that he is proud of me. I wondered if people in Heaven can look down and see us and if they can, what are they thinking of us?

Since Dave passed away, I have been doing things that I enjoy and some of those things are new things that I never thought I would have the opportunity to do. Sometimes I have the attitude that I do these things to 'mark time' and get through the day but more lately I have been doing things because I want to live life and make the most of every day. I am content with my life as it is and feeling more settled than I have been for a long time. I have plans but I keep my plans flexible because circumstances in life can turn those plans upside down and then we have to find a new way to go.

Having said all of that, I still feel that there is one thing missing in my life and that is someone to share it with. It would be nice to have someone who values me and wants to know how my day went, someone who gives me a hug to reassure me and who believes in me and someone who I could give my heart and love to. It would be great to have someone who is passionate about making a difference and be able to dream and make plans with. I do get lonely and starting all over again - making new friends can be hard work, even for me. On the other hand, I am not willing to settle for second best nor do I want a man to think that "She'll do". Being content does not mean complacency or mediocre. On the way home from my weekend away, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and feeling very lonely and I heard a song by "The Corrs" with the lyrics,

"I'm not looking for someone to talk to,
I've got my friends,
I'm more than OK,
I've got more than a girl could wish for,
I live my dream,
But it's not all they say.

Still I believe
I'm missing something real.
I need someone who really sees me."

While I sang along with that song, the next song sung by Sandi Patty, reminded me of the correct perspective:

That you would know the love of God
That you would grow to love his truth
Savor him and know that he is good

To know he dances over you
And that he finds delight in loving you
He made you he formed you for his own

I pray you’ll always keep the faith
And find your life in God alone
When darkness comes you’ll hide inside his love
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/sandi-patty-my-prayer-for-you-lyrics.html ]
Cause when the night takes over day
Jesus will always be your only way
His hand will calm the fears that cloud your soul

That you will give your life away
And that your hands will always share his tenderness
Your feet will walk the road that leads to peace
That you’d bring honor to his name
That you would know him well
And make him Lord

This is his plan; this is my prayer for you
This is his plan; this is my prayer for you
This is my prayer for you