Wait and Renew My Strength

I'm sitting in this house trying not to be overwhelmed as the rain pours down, the farm dog barks and the clock ticks the afternoon away. My friend and her daughter have gone to a Baby shower and the farmer and his son are away milking cows so I have the place to myself and have no excuse but to study. I have enrolled in two subjects for this Master of Ed'n program: 1. Introduction to Educational Counselling and 2. Behaviour Management & Support. The course should take me two years to complete if I am able to keep up with completing two units a semester. IF. Without a job, I should be able to do the assignments and contribute to the ongoing, online discussions and work, once I master the whole technology stuff that goes with doing an online course.

I've been studying for about an hour and half on a Saturday afternoon and it's my break time now. I'm eating a banana because I have heard that's the best snack to have in order to keep your brain power going. It's such a wet day! Yesterday I went looking for houses to rent and on the way back, there were a couple places when the water was over the road. Today, Sharyn had to drive an indirect route to the party, to avoid flooded roads but the rain is supposed to be easing. As I look out the window, I can see chooks (hens) pecking in the grass, trees bowing to the pressure of the rain and a completely grey sky.

Earlier this week I drove 2,000+ kilometres without any problems and there was little rain to hinder my journey. It was good to drop in and see my close friends in NSW on the way up and it was good to finally arrive at the farm. Moving is such a huge thing and sometimes I feel that people forget that it is very emotionally and physically draining. They spout off cliches without having ever been in my place and think they are just sharing positive vibes when in actual fact I just want to be reminded to: "Just rest in the knowledge that this is where God wants you to be and know He will strengthen you for whatever lies ahead. Praying for you." as my friend Judy said.

As I was leaving my home at the beginning of the week, I heard a song playing which resonated within me:

You wonder when the Lord will renew the strength within you;
You wonder how, how can He use you as you are.
Seems like you’re wasting precious time,
But then a voice comes to remind you (to wait).

CHORUS
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
You will understand in time.
Why you must wait,
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
Yes He hears you,
But for now you must wait on the Lord.

Answers come slowly to your cries of desperation,
But time is His tool, teaching the greatest lessons learned;
So let Him do His work in you,
And watch the miracles come true as you (wait).

(chorus)

And He wants you to know that
They that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They will rise up with wings as eagles,
They will run, not get weary.
They will walk and not faint;
That’s a promise to us when we (wait).

(chorus)
 

As I sang along with the song, I realised that it is important to wait on the Lord and to be still, rather than rushing into something before we are ready. I am thankful I had last year to wait on the Lord and use that time to rebuild and renew my strength. I still grieve for Dave and our unfulfilled dreams. I miss him so much but I wake up in the mornings knowing there is a purpose for my life and I can move forward.

Sometimes I want to run and get things done 'now' and I get frustrated when things don't fall into place on the first try. I went house hunting and didn't see any place that I would call home. I want to have a home so I can have my things around me, so that I can start getting involved in a community and start having a routine to my life. I want to have my teacher registration so I can apply at schools for teaching jobs. I wish I actually had an ongoing teaching job.

This is NOT about change in my life, this is about starting all over again and although it may seem a semantic difference to some of you, it is a huge difference to me. Change is about adapting whereas starting all over again is about starting from scratch. Think about it as like baking a cake. Change might be adding an extra ingredient or two to make a different flavour but starting from scratch is to begin without having any ingredients in the mixing bowl already.

It's hard work! It gets overwhelming at times and it is lonely. Although I know this new life is a positive thing, it takes a lot of effort, a lot of learning new things and sometimes there are tears of frustration, disappointment and even anger at having to be in this situation. It is requiring me to stretch outside of my comfort zone and push myself into doing what I hadn't imagined I would ever need to do. Still, I know that the Lord will give me the strength to run and not get weary, walk and not faint if I continue to wait on Him. I know that He gives me blessings and surprises that help to make the journey a little more bearable and I am excited about this new life - It would just be nice if it didn't take so much hard work at times!

If you want to watch the video clip, do a google search on Steven Curtis Chapman and the song is called, "Wait".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMXu_qZkZiM