Choose Life

Well there was a brief respite in the rain pouring down today and the sun came out long enough to dry my washing with the aid of a lot of wind! Coming north I expected the weather to be warmer but down in Victoria they are still enjoying good summer weather. If you haven't figured it out by now, I much prefer summer and hot/warm weather when I can be outdoors and do whatever I want to enjoy. I am glad I didn't get rid of all my winter wear when I was sorting out my wardrobe because it can get cold here during Winter.

I have had a busy but profitable week and have found a home that I will be moving in to next week. I am looking forward to being in my own place, even if it is a rental and being able to settle into a routine. The home has pretty views surrounding it, set on 3/4 acre with a mango tree in the backyard. It's a lot of yard to mow but I used to mow when I was at home in Reardan so it doesn't faze me. I think of going back to baking cakes  and slices but then there is only me to eat them all. My son told me that I could work it all off when I was mowing the yard. I am hoping to get a dog when I am there to keep me company, protect me and exercise with me.

I am finding my way around a lot easier since I bought a map. My GPS was taking me in directions that I didn't think was best and would get me turning up gravel roads instead of staying on the more direct routes. I have been studying the map to sort out which way I need to go and I'm trying to get around the 'city' without using the GPS as much as possible. It's not pleasant driving when it's raining, foggy and the roads are unfamiliar.

I am enjoying the two subjects I have enrolled in which I knew I would. Sometimes I still wait for the work to be done for me or wonder how I can take shortcuts but I also know that it behooves me to remain disciplined. Tomorrow I will go to the police station and be fingerprinted so that I can send off my application to the US to have a police clearance check and get my teacher registration completed here. I called the station and spoke to a policeman, briefly summarising for him why I needed to do the check, e.g. Moved interstate, lived in the US for more than 12 months, want to get my teacher registration changed and he laughed and replied, "You are a confused woman, aren't you?"

I am glad that it is all falling into place but I still sometimes think, "What have you done??!!" and wonder if life is moving too fast for me. At the same time, I know that there is no reason to postpone stepping out in this direction. Yesterday I was reading a book and one of the characters was a widow who was trying to figure out how and why she needed to move forward. She came across the Bible verse from Deuteronomy 30 "I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live." and her husband had written a note in his Bible, "Whenever you have the chance, choose life."

People may not realise that when one loses a spouse, it is hard to choose life. When a spouse dies, a part of you dies with them and getting up in the morning without them, facing the day ahead does not seem 'natural'. Some of the dreams and plans you made together also died with them. Choosing life, choosing to make plans and dream again without them, comes with time. It comes after a lot of days of forcing yourself to get up, pushing yourself to get through just one more day and one more night and choosing to hold onto hope even though you wonder why you bother.

Every time I see a truck, I think of Dave and I think of the moments we shared and the life we had together and I miss him. It hurts but the pain is more bearable. I am choosing life and I am even looking foward to living again. I feel like I am ready and I know that part of my ability to face life is because of what Dave taught me and who he was to me. I wouldn't exchange my life with him just to have it easier now and I know I've said it many times before but I know that who I am has so much to do with his love and influence in my life. 

So tomorrow is a big day because I sign the rental forms, get fingerprinted and continue with getting paperwork done and all the other things I need to do as part of moving forward. I was talking to a lady at the Uni today and she encouraged me and commented that I was doing very well. On that note, she also found out that I can claim all my uni fees via a government program so that I do not have to foot the bill now. It's a great relief but I still have to pay for the textbooks! It's all good and I know that God has provided me with all that I need. 

Each day that I wake up, I will choose life.