Live My Life Today

Today I headed for town and passed a herd of cows, chooks roaming around the yard, ducks flying overhead and that was before I even left the driveway. I have enjoyed staying with my friends on their farm but that part of my 'journey' is coming to an end as I will move out at the end of the week into my own home. I am looking forward to having my own place so I can get some kind of routine going for myself, put down roots and start finding my way into community life. Even though I can be an extrovert and  make friends easily, I still have to push myself at times to step outside the door and move forward. People sometimes feel they need to remind me how to live and how to do things and they are eager for me to recognise the blessings in my life and run forward. I see those things but I also see what has brought me to this place and what it has cost and I miss Dave.

It has been good to share stories of Dave with my friends here. It has been good to remember the fun we had, the way Dave used to stir up 'trouble' and the twinkle in his eyes when he was kidding around. I miss hearing his perspective and feeling safe as I sat beside him knowing that he would take care of me and be with me when it came to facing life. Sometimes my thoughts wander and I end up thinking about something Dave did or said and I have to hold back the tears although if I'm alone in the car, I let them fall. I am so thankful that I got to share my love with him.

Moving forward can be tricky and sometimes things fall into place quickly and other times they can be hindered by bureaucracy. Filling out copious amounts of seemingly irrelevant paperwork can be frustrating and draining but it has to be done and I look forward to the day that I can just get on with living and doing things that have purpose. I have started my online study course and that requires me to remain focussed and disciplined which can be difficult when I am still trying to sort out my teacher registration, getting my house connected to electricity, phone and internet and waiting for the removalist company to call and let me know when it will be convenient for them to redeliver my furniture. I am thankful that my friends here aren't tired of my company yet so I don't have to stress about not having a home.

They have even welcomed my new dog, Milly. Milly is a gorgeous, black, purebred labrador with chocolate mismarks on her paws and cheeks. It looks like she has been rolling around in the mud but it's just her colouring. She's 11 weeks old and on Wednesday I am taking her for her booster vaccination shot and to be microchipped. So far she shows a very agreeable personality and today I taught her to "sit" and "come". She responded eagerly and was content with verbal praise. She loves playing with the two farm dogs here and enjoys going for walks around the farm with me. She is a ball of energy and curiosity and sleeps a lot too. She is going to enjoy having 3/4 of an acre to run around in! When I picked up the keys this morning, I drove past my new place and checked out the fencing. There is one spot I think she might be able to crawl under but I can fix that and will.

As I was driving the other day, I listened to Sandi Patty sing a song called, "The Last of All Days" and the words got me thinking about my life and how I 'spend' today. I am aiming to make the most of today and doing things that I believe are worthwhile. Although part of me struggles with missing Dave and wanting to hold on to my life with him, I know it is more healthy for me to focus on taking a step forward each day. I don't have to run and there are times when I can sit, reflect, rest and cry without feeling guilty but I do need to make sure that I am living in the present, giving it everything I've got, doing what I need to do and being the person God created me to be. Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life and have it in all it's fulness." That's how I want to live.

The Last of All Days

If today were the last of all days
Would it change how you feel
Who you are?
Would you rise for a moment
Above all your fears
Become one with the moon and the stars?

Would you like what you see looking down?
Did you give everything that you could?
Have you done all the things
That you wanted to do
Is there still so much more that you would?

Chorus:
Follow your dream to the end of the rainbow
Way beyond one pot of gold
Open your eyes to the colors around you
And find the true beauty life holds

Would you live in the moments
Like when you were young
When time didn't travel so fast
Being free in the present enjoying the now
Not tied in a future or past?

Repeat Chorus Twice

You'd probably say all you wanted to say
But doesn't it strike you as strange
That we'd only begin to start living our lives
If today were the last of all days?
If today were the last of all days