Time Moves On

For the last two days, I have worn my 'work' clothes around home so that I can finish the mowing and weeding. For the last two days, I have not done any yard work despite the fact that I now have my new lawn mower which is self-propelled and a necessity when there is three-quarters of an acre to mow. I did catch up on mowing the back yard which is why I am procrastinating on doing the front yard although, logically speaking, it should motivate me to get the front yard done before it gets as bad as the backyard was! I am glad Nathan was here when I bought it as he was able to get the very heavy mower out of the car when I got it home.

 I have been away at my nephew's wedding and had a wonderful time. I enjoyed the road trip and kept friends and family informed of my progress/safety. Before I arrived at Dad's, I stopped to do some retail therapy with a friend and went to two favourite shops - a bookstore and a 'horse habits' store. I spent some time with Dad and it was good to catch up with him and get to know him a bit better. I used to joke that I was the 'best of my mum and dad' and while I was talking with Dad, I realized I am a lot like him, especially as we are both quick learners. At the wedding, a couple of my aunts commented on how much like my mum I am in the way of mannerisms and the way I talk. It was good to spend time with family and friends at the wedding. They also told me how proud they were of me and how much they loved me. Before leaving to come back home, I caught up with some friends I taught with last year and other friends. It was good to be there but it was very good to come home.

Nathan and his girlfriend came back with me and spent just over a week with me. We had a really good time together and again I was reminded, of how much like me, Nathan is. He does have a very similar temperament and I am proud of the man he has grown to be. I hated saying goodbye to him last Saturday but then, I always hate saying goodbye. I know I will see him again but in the meantime I miss him and wish he lived closer. We surprised him with a pre 21st birthday celebration which became 21 gifts (including meals) and a birthday cake all starting with the letter N. We went sight seeing that day, visited different places and it was the best day to do it as it was raining in the morning and those planned places were all indoors. By the time we went to the park to play, it was warming up. (See the photo of Nathan and I arm wrestling.)

Milly got plenty of exercise while I was away as she stayed at my friends' farm and they have 3 other dogs plus chickens, pigs and cows. We went and picked her up the morning after we got home and watched Milly chase and corner a chook that had gotten into the yard. My friend rescued the hen and threw it out of the yard. Nathan and Milly bonded well. They (Nathan, his g/f and Milly) went on jogs to the lookout at the top of the mountain, played in the backyard and Nathan added to my training of her. Tomorrow she is going to get spayed and will stay overnight at the vet's. I am glad they are so thorough in their care of animals. While she is there, I will get my tax return filed and will hopefully get some money back and then some visitors are arriving and staying overnight on their way home to Victoria.

I got both assignments back and got an A so my overall grade in both subjects was B. I feel that I am off to a good start for my Master of Education course and I am very happy with the progress I have made. This semester I am only going to do one subject and hopefully will pick up more paid employment along the way. Everything is going well and I know that I am right where I belong for the moment. But, although  some may not want to hear this, it doesn't mean that I suddenly don't grieve for Dave. While I travel and see trucks on the road, my mind goes back to my time with Dave and the road trips we did. As I see parts of Australia, I wish he was there to share it with me. When some guys indicate an 'interest' in me, I compare them to Dave and they don't match up. I realize that Dave still (and always will) hold a piece of my heart. He wasn't perfect but I loved him with all that I had.

When I shared that song, "Just Cry" in my last post, it wasn't a backward step, it is how I feel many times. Although I know that I have so many blessings and can see God's hand at work in my life, turning things around for good, it doesn't mean that I forget the life I had with Dave or that I wish he was still alive and that we were sharing our life and dreams together. When I check Facebook, and see what his family and friends are doing, it hurts me because I am not a part of their life as I would be if Dave was still alive. I am also reminded that my friends and family here, have never met Dave and never been a part of the life he and I had as a couple. When I was talking with Dad, some things he said made me wish Dave was there too because they would have gotten on so well together. I think grieving here on my own, without others who are grieving Dave, has made it harder in some ways, than if I was there in the States with them. Sometimes, I just want to jump on a plane and go and be with Dave's family just so I can soak up the love they have for me because I was Dave's wife. I know that's unrealistic at the moment. I have a life here and as time moves on, so must I.

When I was having a pity party on my own yesterday, I got frustrated by some of the devotional emails I had received. Although the words were truth, I felt they were clichés and I wondered if the authors of the words really understood what it is to grieve. Words such as:

 The journey of grief is one that you must ultimately decide to complete. You cannot remain where you are right now. Time moves forward, and so must you.
The Lord’s plan for your life is pure and simple during this time of grief:
What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.— Micah 6:8.

It's important to realize that just because you are alone, it doesn't mean you must be lonely or lonesome. While it may not always be possible to avoid being alone, there are always answers to loneliness.
God's Word tells us to be strong and courageous, for God is always with us. In the natural, you may be alone, but that doesn't mean you have to be lonely, because spiritually, God is always there. He will never leave you or forsake you. 

Anyway, although I know those words are true, sometimes they do little to comfort me at the present time. Words are easily said but it's harder to live them out. As one of those lines said though, time moves forward and so must I. I know this is a longer than usual post but then again, I haven't written in awhile so I had to make up for it. Even so, I haven't said all that I could say. Here's a photo I took while I was visiting one of the beaches in Victoria. It's so pretty!!! And I had forgotten how cold the weather is there and how warm, in comparison, it is here.