New possibilities...?

I was going to use roundup on the weeds in the backyard today while Milly was at the Vet's but the skies were grey and threatening rain and even when I hung my washing out on the line, the air was damp. Even though it didn't rain hard, I justified not having done it also because it was very windy. I'll just have to pull the weeds in the backyard although it was the steep grassy patch that I can't get the mower to that I was going to spray in order to get rid of that patch before the snakes found it in summer.

Milly survived the operation and is very quiet this evening. When I went to pick her up, the vet assistant came to help me get her in the car but for the first time ever, Milly got in the car without any help. I think she was anxious to come home. I gave her a bone to chew but she was ravenous and was eating it up so I gave her some food and even after she ate that, she continued to finish off the bone. The instructions from the vet said that only a light meal should be given the day after the op so she hadn't eaten in 48 hours! Tonight, I am going to let her sleep in the bathroom but when I called her in to the house, she refused to come in until I got the lead and pulled her through the door. She knows her place is outside. She gets the stitches out in 10-14 days time.

Anyway, as you know, I have been struggling over the past few days and although some of it may be hormonal, some of it may be just the 'downer' after a good few weeks or some of it because of the circumstances I find myself in. While platitudes say that we choose the life we have, we don't always have control over the circumstances and sometimes it gets tiring always trying to be positive and set a 'good example'. I've heard those words for years and I think it is more important to be real and genuine. Many people having lost a spouse, have 'melt downs'. They turn to alcohol, sleeping the day away, get very depressed or throw a tantrum but I feel the pressure is on me to be 'above such things', stay positive and smile regardless of the grief. That is why the song "Just Cry" is so pertinent to me.

However, I don't want to stay put on the pity potty and I want to continue to move forward. One of the things I have been struggling with is that I am on my own and just like it was at the start of last year, if anything happened to me, it would be some time before another person would know. It is very hard to break into friendship groups and although I have a good selection of friends, I know that other people on their own also struggle. I spoke to the principal of the school I will be teaching at and he told me that he admires the fact that I am proactive, and that although I have had hurts in the past, I still move forward. He also said that he sees the joy of the Lord in my life. (paraphrased) I was really encouraged to hear those words.

I spoke to a pastor of a large church yesterday in order to find a home group that I could attend and he admitted that there isn't a singles ministry in the church for people over 35. He added "yet" but he had also misinterpreted what I had said so I didn't give a response. However, I went home and thought about that and looked around me and the needs here in this city. Where does a Christian single person of 35+ go to find/make new friends? Although I am fairly proactive about meeting people, it is still limited and there are others who would struggle more than I and who would not have the resources to do something about it.

I got to thinking and praying that maybe I need to be part of a team doing something about it in this town. I ran the idea past the principal and he was very excited and said it would be a pleasure to support me in this and be a sounding board for me and he started rattling off more ideas and resources. I ran it past my friend Sharyn and she too, gave her support and encouragement. I have now emailed the few large churches I have attended and will see if any of them either have a ministry in this area that I could join or if they would be willing to help me get a team together and work something out. Whichever church responds, will be the church I will make myself a part of and I would be happy in any of them. I do not feel it would be wise to do this without the backing of a church and in the meantime, I will write my ideas down, continue to pray about it and see where God leads.

I do feel at home in this place as I have said many times before but I also need to be putting down roots and getting involved. This might be a direction I can go and at the moment, I have the time to initiate something like this. As I get more work and continue study, my time may become more limited so now is when I could put more work and effort into getting it up and running. Well, like I said, we will see. In my devotions today I read:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.See, I am doing a new thing!Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the wildernessand streams in the wasteland. — Isaiah 43:18–19

Each of us has a powerful choice. We have the ability to create our own simplified future by starting with a blank sheet of paper and a heart surrendered to God’s will for our lives.

Choose to leave the past behind, and begin living a life filled with new possibilities!