Sunset At the End of Another Day

This morning when the phone rang at 6:41am and it was only 1 degree Celsius, (33.8 Fahrenheit) I wasn't resentful of being invited to go and work for a day with the class I will be teaching full time at the end of this term. Apart from wanting to stay in my nice bed and get a bit of a sleep in, I had no 'excuse' for not working. I have mostly caught up in my study for it only being week 2 of this semester, I had taken Milly to the vet to have her stitches out and paid for her council registration, I had had my long overdue, routine doctor's check up and apart from thinking about going to the heated pool to swim some laps and begin work on my assignment, I had no plans that couldn't be changed.

Going to work was great and even though I was only filling in for the day, I was given time to start thinking/planning for when I am working there. I spoke with the special needs teacher at length, about some of the concerns and needs of students in my classroom, the principal spoke with me about joining the girls on a camp coming up and I was able to start 'dreaming' about what my style will be when teaching those students. I also spoke with another staff member who has done counseling at uni and may have a developmental psychology textbook to lend me for my next assignment due in 4 weeks time.

It was good to have a positive day. Last night when I was trying to sleep, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself, thinking about loss, the consequences of losses I have had to deal with over the past five years and thinking about how it's not fair. I uploaded a photo of a sunset today and a friend asked when I said, "The end of another day" what I meant by it. To be honest, ever since Dave passed away, at the end of each day, I often think, "Well, I got through another day" and I sigh. It is what it is and I can't change that. I know I have to keep moving forward. I know I am in the right place and for the most part, I enjoy this new stage of my life but I still have to deal with the consequences and aftermath of Dave passing away. I still have to figure out logistics and  make decisions that are right... on my own.

I have talked to ladies this week who have shared part of their story with me and their own challenges of life. I heard a song that Gary Allan sings and it sums up my thoughts on all this. It's called, "Life Ain't Always Beautiful".

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day
 But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it's sweet time

[CHORUS]
No, life ain't always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life ain't always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life ain't always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles make me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it's sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

I'm not sure yet whether I agree it's a beautiful ride but I know there are some beautiful times in the midst of struggling. The day I left my home in Reardan, I cried out to God wondering why He took Dave and not me. Dave had a job, a home, a family and I was returning to Australia as a widow needing to start all over again. It has been challenging. Perhaps I have grown and am stronger but it has come at great cost. Life isn't always beautiful but it sure can have a beautiful sunset at the end of another day.  

And who knows what tomorrow will bring.