Wow!

Dictionary definition of surreal:

having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic

Sometimes it still seems surreal that I am in this place at this time.  A few months ago, I had never even heard of this town and now here I am, living, studying and sometimes working. I'm making new friends, have a new puppy and I am doing new things.

Today I visited a different church so that I could hear the speaker/author, Wayne Jacobsen. He wrote books such as "He loves me", "So You Don't Want to go to Church" and others. He started off his sermon with a talk about his wife's garden. She loves gardening and has made it really pretty and it's full of flowers. When the grandchildren came to visit, she gave them a plastic rake so they could play in the garden. One child was raking the bark into piles, so Wayne admonished her and said it would be creating more work for grandma. She wanted to pick flowers but her mother said she'd have to ask grandma first. When they left, Wayne's wife turned to him and said, "Why were you making rules about my garden? I want my grandchildren to enjoy the garden. If they want to rake the bark into piles, they can. If they want to pick flowers, they can. I can clean up their messes and eventually they will learn to respect it more but for now, I just want them to enjoy being there. When you impose rules on them in my garden, they don't want to come anymore."

He went on to say that Christians can be like that. We make rules about how we should behave but it's not our job to make rules. God wants us to take pleasure in being loved and loving Him. God can deal with our messes and He can touch our lives when we are doing something that displeases Him. He works within us but we all need to know He loves us and takes pleasure in us.

On the way to church, I was listening to Joyce Meyer on the radio and she said that we lose the "Wow" factor. We need to look at God and His creation and be amazed. Both those sermons go together for me. Wow! Look at what God is doing in my life. Wow! Look at this amazing world God has created and that I get to enjoy. Wow! Look at how everything in His time is beautiful. I like it that I am at a point when I am saying "Wow!" and I am delighting in God and His love for me. In everything, He is telling me over and over again, "I love you. I have a purpose for you. You can trust me and I won't let you down. Ever. You will never be alone. There is nothing that can separate you from my love. I can heal and make right, the broken pieces in your life." Wow!

It's been a good weekend. I got to spend the day with a friend at the show and I enjoyed a delicious raspberry slurpee. I got to have lunch with some friends from the church I've been visiting and they walked me back to my place and G put the screen door back on and helped me get the lawn mowing done. It's good to have a self-propelled mower but I am still using the borrowed one. I am looking forward to getting the new one with the mulcher as it's such a big yard to have to mow and the catcher has to be emptied at least 5 times in one mow - and that's just the front yard! When they were leaving, the neighbours from two doors up came past as they'd been walking their dog so they stopped for a chat and also met Milly.

God has put people in my life who I can count on and who help me when I need it but best of all, I am able to be with people who are like-minded and who enjoy my company and vice versa. I love being able to socialise and have fun. God is good! All the time... and ... Wow!

Make A Whirlpool!

It's a Friday night and I'm home alone. There was a bit of drama earlier this evening when I was on the phone talking to my friend Sharyn and I heard Milly chewing or playing with the screen door. The door had come off the tracks earlier on in the week but I thought it was secure until I heard a crash and a yelp. I threw my papers on the floor, hurriedly said goodbye to Sharyn and ran out the door calling for Milly. It was dark and although I called a few times, she didn't come running. I went inside and got the torch, walked around the backyard and still no sign of her. I didn't know what to do and didn't know if she was hurt - I even checked for blood around where the door had fallen but didn't see any. I heard a rustling in the bushes to one side and Milly darted out. I called her but she kept running to the other side of the yard and hid in the bushes there.  I put some food out in her bowl still calling her and then sat in the grass and let mosquitoes bite me. I called her again and finally, I rang the neighbour next door and she went alongside the fence to where Milly was and we were able to coax her out of her hiding spot. She wasn't whimpering or whining but I picked her up and took her back to the porch. She has gotten so big!!! She was happy with all the attention, ate her food and enjoyed being patted. I went inside and had a shower and changed out of those clothes. Milly stinks even though I had washed her a week ago. Finally I calmed down.

I wanted to choose a movie to watch and thought about watching The Proposal. That was a favourite movie of mine and Dave's, even though Dave didn't admit that to anyone else. We even watched it the night before we went for my immigration interview. I decided to watch Pretty Woman instead. It has such a nice ending. Vivienne ends up being valued for who she is, the man she has fallen in love with comes to rescue her and even climbs up an outdoor staircase to reach her on the top floor, despite being scared of heights.

When I was talking to Sharyn earlier on the phone, we'd been discussing men 'of interest'. There's a few guys vying for my attention and although it's flattering, it also flusters me. For those of you who know Dave, you're going to laugh when I say this next thing but I think Dave in some ways, spoilt me. As much as he could be difficult, he had passion and he had zeal. He knew what he wanted and he wanted me to live life to its fullest, too. He didn't always go about it the right way but that part of him, is a part of me too. I don't want to settle for 'nice' or for 'let's just go with the flow'.

When we were growing up, we had a small pool in our backyard and as kids we'd get in there and make a 'whirlpool'. We'd walk round and round the pool until the water was all going in the same direction. If we stopped, we'd fall over and if we let ourselves go, we went in the direction of the whirlpool. It was so much fun. It was fun to try and go in the opposite direction, too. If I ever have the opportunity to meet someone special, I want him to be the one making the whirlpool. I want him to have a zest for life and a commitment to serving, helping, leading, doing what it takes to love God. I want him to see me as a partner in making the whirlpool. It's so much better when more than one person is stirring up the waters.

I know I have a lot of love to give. I like having fun, laughing, sharing, being with my family and friends. Like Milly, I like to be reassured when I'm frightened or if something scary happens. I like to be loved and I enjoy loving others. But I don't like apathy or mediocre. Maybe my expectations are unrealistically high but that's OK with me. I am content with where my life is at right now and I actually don't mind being on my own. It would be nice to find a guy to share the rest of my life with if we're on the same wavelength but in the meantime, I'm going to strive for living my life to the fullest and learning to love God and others in a way that is best for me and that honours God.

Blessings Come Through Raindrops

At the slide show at Dave's funeral, we played the song, "Blessings" that Laura Story wrote when as a newlywed, her husband was hospitalized with a brain tumour. The first time I heard the song, even before knowing the reason behind it, I thought of it as Dave's song. After I had heard it a couple times, I printed it out to share the words with him. Dave had been through so much hurt in the past and he prayed for protection  for his family and for healing in his own life. He doubted God's goodness at times but in his heart, he knew that God is good all the time and that although we don't always know the reason for our suffering, He is there with us even when we can't feel Him.

I listened to the song again today. I have heard it a few times since Dave passed away and sometimes I would switch it off, other times I would try to sing it and end up crying but today, I just sat there and listened and thought about the words and what they meant. As I listened, the tears fell and I felt the Lord close by. I thought about tough times that I've been through and tough times, my friends have been through. This life brings heartache that sometimes we wish we never knew. It's so easy to think that this world owes us a living and we pray that we will enjoy blessings of peace, protection and prosperity. These are good things to ask for but when we don't experience those things, we question God, our faith and/or our purpose.

But hearing this song again, I was reminded that God is good all the time. He knows the bigger picture of what we only see a part. This world and the life we live is only temporary and we need to remember that while also making the most of every day that we've been given to live. Please read the words and reflect on them. Cry a little if you want to. God sees those tears and hears the pain in your heart. If you want to see and hear the song, go to this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc (I would encourage you to listen/watch the song.)

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Live, Love, Laugh, Life

Being through so many changes in the last few years has affected me in different ways and at first, it was difficult to find motivation to live, energy to do more than just exist and the desire to go out and live. During this time I learned the importance of making the most of each day, of loving those are in your life and I grew stronger and more secure in myself. It almost felt a little bit like making my own "Groundhog Day" movie. At first, I was resistant to being in this situation and living my life here without Dave. Sometimes I had the feeling that if I had an accident, it wouldn't matter, I would still "have to live" no matter what. As time wore on, I began to use this time to my benefit and started pursuing dreams and a lifestyle that suited me.

I took a road trip and drove 6,400kms on my own, discovering parts of Australia that I'd heard about but never seen for myself. I visited amusement parks, slept in a small pop up tent, drove over old wooden bridges wondering if I'd make it to the other side, swam in the ocean, walked through the bush and drove through miles and miles of farm land. Not once on my trip did I wish to be anywhere else and every day I appreciated the beauty of this land that God had created. People would ask me, "Don't you get lonely?", "Aren't you scared?" but to both questions I could honestly say "No." It would have been nice to have shared that experience with someone else. Dave was never very far from my mind and sometimes I wondered what he would have loved about the holiday but it was a very important time for my growth and also for my relationship with God. I got to meet new people and catch up with old friends and I got to marvel over and over again at the faithfulness of my Lord and His amazing creativity.

Since I've moved interstate, I've been asked on a number of occasions, "Why did you move here?" and today I came up with the best, most succinct reply, "I wanted a fresh start". It doesn't encompass all that it took to get me here but it does reflect on my motivation. Just like the main character in Groundhog Day, I am learning to pursue activities that reflect who I am. I enrolled in a study course to do my Masters in Education, majoring in guidance and counselling. This is something I've talked about since 2007 and now I'm doing it. I've bought myself a puppy to keep me company and she gives me a lot of enjoyment. I live out of the city but close enough that I have everything I need within a short distance. I can watch the sun set behind the hills and hear kookaburras laugh. I can see blue skies and feel the warm sunshine on my face. I can wake up in the morning and be thankful that I am alive.

My life is not perfect and sometimes I still wish for those days back in the US with Dave. It would be nice to share my life with someone who wants to live their life to the fullest and share it with me, to be able to walk along the beach holding hands, to explore the bush together, laugh and talk about everything. It would be good to be able to have some 'balance' so that when I get treated condescendingly by a male service representative, I could go home and be appreciated for who I am. Yesterday, I went to go and have my phone dealt with and the man in his 50s treated me like I was stupid. To be honest (cover your eyes for this next bit if you're sensitive) I wanted to say to him, "Just because I have boobs, doesn't mean I don't have a brain!" but I would never say such things and I'm even surprised I said it here on my blog post. Anyway, today when I went back to that store, he was nowhere in sight and the young guy serving me was courteous and helpful.

As I was driving home from that store today, I thought if there is one thing lacking, it's time at the beach. I love the beach and I do wish I lived closer. Maybe I will one day but for the coming 12 months, I am here and content to be here. I think I will go to the beach at least once a month though.

Tim McGraw sings a song, "Live Like You were Dying" and as I was driving to the beach last Sunday afternoon, I thought about that and thought, maybe for my 50th I should go sky diving... or not. I started thinking about all the things I could do and realised that I am learning to live again, or rather, live like I was dying.

I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Blue Manchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying"
And he said
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
Like tomorrow was a gift
And you've got eternity
To think about
What you'd do with it

Having submitted both assignments a week ago, I need to get back to studying and catch up in my readings and begin my next assignments. I won't have a study break before the next two are due in, so I have to pace myself. I also have an interview this coming Friday for a teaching job that will be full term as of July so it's probable that next semester, I will only take on one subject. I am still glad I took on two this semester though. So, having said that, I need to put my words into actions and go do it. The birds are atwittering, the sun is going down, the breeze is blowing through the bushes and Milly is out chasing butterflies and insects, her tail, and long bits of grass.

The urge to write a story is also growing within me. I know I've been "threatening/promising" to write for years and years but lately, it's getting more persistent. Perhaps it's just another way to procrastinate from studying but I really want to write. As it says in Sister Act 2, "Don't ask me about being a writer. If, when you wake up in the morning, you can think of nothing but writing, then you're a writer."

Phones and Water Don't Mix

About eight months ago, when Nathan and I were holidaying in Adelaide and having a wonderful time, we ventured into a shopping complex and as I'd been thinking about it for some time, I decided to buy a new phone and go on a plan, not prepaid. The Samsung Galaxy took some getting used to. I liked my old LG phone and in the time it took me to figure out how to send a message from the new phone to the friends we were going to have lunch with the next day, Nathan ate my vanilla slice. The Galaxy came in handy when my camera started acting up and we used it to take photos as we toured Kangaroo Island. Soon after we got back, I put the LG phone away thinking I would never need it again.

As the months wore on, that ol' LG got forgotten. I used my Galaxy for Facebook, apps, camera, text messaging and phone calls. I learnt how to do 'selfies' and take photos of my friends and I, even having the phone "tell" people where we were. I used it as a GPS when I was trying to find a place in the Blue Mountains that wasn't on the GPS in my car. It was so much fun and so useful that unbeknowingly the Galaxy was becoming an integral part of my life that I couldn't do without.

Yesterday, I was so pleased to get to the beach as I hadn't been there for a couple  of months. The first thing I did was take the Galaxy out of my pocket, take a photo of the beach and upload it to Facebook - to make my friends envious. I had my camera with me so put the phone away and used the camera for the other photos. As I walked around the beach with a friend, the water came up to our knees and on the other side of us was a wall. A wave came, knocking us up against the wall and splashing water up to my hips and my phone got wet. I didn't notice because I was too busy enjoying the company and taking photos. Later, I wondered how much time had passed and checked the time on my phone and that's when I discovered it wasn't working. It didn't seem too wet so we tried drying it with a towel but I was advised to put it in rice when I got home.

This morning I took it out of the rice, put it back together and it seemed to be working - except for the SIM card. I drove into town and told the Optus (phone service provider) rep what had happened. She suggested I take the phone home and put it back on rice for another 24 hours and assured me that the SIM card will not be affected by the water and will still work. On the way home, I figured out where I had unpacked and put my phone so I got it out and recharged it. At first, all the new phone numbers did not show up so I changed the settings and most were there. I flicked through the photos on the LG phone and memories of Dave and I came flooding back, not that he's ever very far from my mind. There were photos of him and I with his granddaughter Abigail, photos of our horses, the snow, Christmas day and photos of a hike we went on together exploring at a place we saw a rattlesnake. (The first and only time I saw one.)

Anyway, I called a couple people on the LG phone and messaged a few and then wondered if people were too busy to answer or if the SIM card was damaged. Anyway, I sent out another email and a friend messaged me. I also called my home phone and then used my landline to call my mobile to make sure I could make and receive calls. I miss my Samsung Galaxy. I used to be so proud of my LG now it just seems so slow and hard to use. I can access Facebook on it (I think) but at least I will still be able to send and receive calls until the Samsung works again. If the rice doesn't work, I have to send it back in and it can take up to 2 weeks to get it repaired or returned.

You know, I never realised how dependent I had become on my phone. Even when I was driving home last night, I kept wanting to check my phone - something I don't do when I am driving. Then I was wondering what would happen if I broke down and had no phone to call anyone and tried to reassure myself that my car had just been serviced so that was an unlikely scenario. Oh well, As one of my friend's would say "First world problems."

Friends, Friends, FunFabulous Friends!

What a wonderful weekend I've had! (Which translated means I got to spend time and have fun with friends and some family). It all started last Wednesday with the finishing of my assignments. I was relieved to get them in on time although I think that the last 300 words of the 2nd assignment may not have made much sense because I got to a point, I was just scrounging for words to reach the minimum. I think I should pass and at least I will be able to see where I need to improve in for next time. After I submitted them, I felt quite relieved and tired but when I tried to sleep that night, my brain was working overtime.

Thursday was a great day with more social activities including an interview at another school and meeting another principal who has a good approach to Christian education, too. I had lunch with my good friend Sharyn and headed to the store to buy a new lawn mower which was meant to have arrived on Wednesday. The man apologised because it hadn't come in yet so I wondered out loud to him what I was supposed to do as the grass was getting long (translated: might contain snakes) and I had my housewarming coming up on Saturday. He filled one of their mowers up with fuel, put it in the car for me and away I drove. I didn't get a chance to mow it until Saturday morning as I worked Friday.

Friday was a good day working in the 5/6/7 classroom, meeting new teachers/friends and enjoying teaching. I rushed home to do baking, cleaning etc in order to get ready for the housewarming. The housewarming was well attended by about 18 people and most of those were friends I had had for years. It's so nice when people stay in your life, or come back and just take up from where you left off. My friends are loyal, fun, supportive, encouraging and I enjoy being with them. On Saturday afternoon, the guys got to teasing me about my lack of professional mowing skills, later on a few of us were sitting around discussing farm life, dairy farm, government and just general life stuff. My friends hadn't met each other but when they did, they got on very well, which was no surprise to me! One new friend brought me 7 individual meals to freeze so that I don't have to cook for a week! No one's ever done that for me before and I appreciated her thoughtfulness.

On Sunday morning two of my friends who had stayed the night in a motel turned up for breakfast just as I was talking to Mom and Rhonda Flowers. I am so thankful for Skype and for the love and kindness my family show to me, their support and prayers are invaluable. My friends and I enjoyed breakfast and were sitting around the table talking when I looked at my watch and realised it was nearly 12. I was meeting a friend at the beach so I hurried them out the door, gave the dog a bone (literally) and drove off. It was a beautiful day, blue skies, sunshine, white sand and surf. It was good to be able to walk bare foot on the sand, then walk in the water. However, as we walked around we had to walk around a wall  on one side and water on the other, except the water came up to the wall and when the waves came in, they splashed up on us. I got soaking wet to my hips and my phone which was in my pocket, got wet and later wasn't working. But of course, I didn't notice that at the time and we kept walking. I had my camera and took a couple of photos but it was just nice to walk in the water, conversation flowing and enjoy each other's company.

As I drove home, singing along to the music playing on my iPad, I reflected on the week and gave thanks that I am so blessed by good friendships. My son sent me a message and said, "Glad you have such a supportive network around you" and I am glad too, I am also thankful for music and that I am singing again. I feel settled, content and feel like I have a purpose and direction for my life.

Thank you for your love and support. God is good. All the time.

 

I love watching waves crash and splash around the rocks.

Plowing, Plodding, Panic, Perserverance and... Determination

Yesterday, as I was plowing, plodding, panicking, perservering through getting my assignments completed, I checked my email and read a devotion that was emailed to me. I laughed at the irony as I'm sure you will:

To be successful in accomplishing God's will for our lives, we must have determination.

As I was plowing, plodding, panicking, perservering in my studies throughout the day, I would have discouraging thoughts such as, "Why did I ever think I would be able to do this??" "Wlhat was I thinking when I signed up for this course??" "I can't do this!" Joyce Meyer then went on to say:

You may not always want to make the effort to be determined, but don't give up or you'll be outside of God's will. Find the discipline today to make 'pronouncements,' encouraging yourself to stay determined and settle the dispute between your spirit and flesh as you follow God's plan.

I know that I am doing what God has called me to do and over and over again, He has sent confirmation of that. Not once has He neglected to remind me that He loves me and has a purpose for my life. Yesterday I got to a point in my assignments, when I texted my friend Sharyn and said, "I am halfway on both assignments and stuck! I feel like what I am saying is just a bunch of big words trying to bluff my lecturers into thinking I know what I am talking about." Sharyn was already headed to my place to proofread both papers so I thought I should let her know what she was going to find when she got here.

Sharyn has recently completed online studies through the university and she brought her young adult daughter with her, who is also studying at the same university as me. While Sharyn read through my papers, I asked her daughter about the technical aspects such as how to cite references for quotes, how to make sure I format the essay correctly and how to submit the assignments electronically. When I first studied to become a teacher, we used typewriters and photocopied pages of books that we read in the library and there was no such thing in our world as "internet" or "google scholar" etc. When we needed to know the word count, we would count a line or two of what we have typed, counted lines on a page and gave an approximate estimate. Now, as I type in a Word document, I can look to the bottom of the document and see the exact amount of words I have used.

Sharyn was very thorough in proofreading, first reading the assignment question, the rubrik for one and the scaffolding of the other. She reassured me and said that in her opinon, I had answered the question and had done well. It was concise and well written. We discussed what I could do to 'fluff it out' a bit more without adding unnecessary verbiage. By the time they had left, I had been encouraged and reassured that I could do this. Before I went to bed that night, I completed one paper, made sure I had added the bibliography for both and was satisfied that I had done enough for the day.

Today I am going to work for a few hours but before I go, I'm going to work on the second paper. I would like to finish it before I go to work and there is a strong possibility I can reach that goal. After work, I will reread through both assignments to make sure they make sense and that I have cited references correctly. I will then submit the papers and breathe a big sigh of relief believing I can 'live' again. I am so thankful God has continually provided me with the right resources. The other day when I was stressing about finding enough material for my papers, I prayed about it, and was able to access some relevant resources online. Sharyn's encouragement last night was exactly what I needed to persevere more productively. The devotion from Joyce Meyer was a timely reminder that I need to be determined to stick with what God has called me to do.

On a side note, I have discovered that Milly is probably not going to be a good watch dog. Yesterday after a thunderstorm, she sat at the back door, staring towards the side of the house, barking. Milly doesn't usually bark and although I kept asking her what the problem was, she still sat there, staring and barking. I went outside to investigate and the whole time she stayed closely to the left of me and at times, behind me. When I went in the direction of where I thought she'd been looking, she went right behind me still staying close enough to touch my legs. I didn't see anything and when I went back inside, she was no longer staring and barking.

Well it's a beautiful day, blue, cloudless skies, birds chirping and singing their songs and I have a paper to write and a new job to attend to. The next few days are going to be very busy but I look forward to the weekend when I get to spend time with some very good friends as well as new friends and have my housewarming. I am sorely tempted to take a drive on Sunday afternoon and go for a walk along the beach. Ahhh! I can picture it now.

 

This is the beach at Ballina, New South Wales. 

Be Passionate and Live.

When I was in my late teens/early adult years, I was listening to a record of Carmen and he talked about a man who said he was 'doing OK, under the circumstances". Carmen's apt response was, "What are you doing under the circumstances? You have to get out from under those circumstances!" Earlier this week, Mark Lowry was singing a song about David and Goliath and in response to the prostestations of his brothers saying David shouldn't go fight, he said, "That giant ain't too big to hit, that giant's too big to miss!" My thoughts about my attitude have been influenced by Andy Andrews, the author/speaker I first heard at Women of Faith conference in Spokane in September 2011. I have also been receiving emails of devotional thoughts by Joyce Meyer. Sometimes the words "positive thinking" seem ridiculously trite and can waver on ignoring that there are issues, hurts and pain we have to acknowledge and deal with to move forward in life but I have noticed that when I am thankful, and/or when I reflect on how God is working in my life, my attitude to those issues and heartaches change  and I am not held back in living.

This week I have met two amazing, godly men who have demonstrated this in their life. One is a principal of a Christian school who I had the opportunity to talk with for some time and who is passionate about the school God has placed him in. It was refreshing to see a man excited about the way God works in his life, in his school/work, his family, his staff and his church. As I sat talking with him, I noticed he was full of energy but kept attributing the praise to God. Even me being there was a God thing. I had sent my resume to a number of schools and his was one of them. He said that he usually doesn't open the mail and there's still a stack of mail to open but for some reason he felt compelled to open mine, read it and had to call me. Walking around the school, listening to the principal speak, seeing the evidence of God at work, was like 'coming home'. It was a timely reminder of how I am passionate about Christian education.

The other Christian man is a business man who is passionate about seeing the Kingdom of God grow. He said to me that we are an army, called to go out in the workplace and not sit around in the church pews. We each have a calling and we need to put God first in our lives. He has a long 'to-do' list in his life but he keeps a  healthy balance between his work and his personal life. Hearing him share about his faith and his commitment to serve and help others, listening to him attribute his 'success' as being all God inspires me in my life and passion, the very reason I am doing my Master of Education and majoring in counselling.

God has called me and for the moment, the place I am in, the course of study I am doing and the work and friendships I have, are all gifts from God and I need to be faithful and passionate in living. Yesterday my son texted me "That's what you do best, mum" and when I asked what he was referring to he replied, "Leaving things to the last minute." I chuckled and although he has a point, I am also striving to change and do things in a more timely manner. I wanted to have both my assignments done by the end of this week but other things kept popping into my life however, I still have time to get them done without pulling an all-nighter.

I am thankful that God introduced me to both those men and I know if they ever read this blog post, they would probably be embarrassed because their humility is grounded in God's grace. Both men have reminded me to live my life to the fullest, be faithful in the task God has given me to do, be passionate about what I am passionate about without losing hope or settling for mediocrity. Neither men are perfect and neither of them said those exact words but that's what their example has taught me.

Now as I sit here at my dining room table, surrounded by books, I look out the screen door and see sheets flapping in the breeze and Milly carefully watching them, ready to bounce. She bounces and it's cute to watch but not if she's got her teeth in my clean sheets! Time to work on my assignments, while keeping an eye on Milly.
 

P.S. If you read last week's blog, you can see God has already answered my prayer requests for four out of the five points mentioned. As for the fifth, having a horse, while I am trying to get everything else done, I do not have the time for a horse so it's all good. Oh, the new self-propelled lawn mower I pick up next Thursday. I needed a new one because the old one is dead.

Champing At the Bit

I have all my boxes unpacked and my house feels like home. My 'study' area is all set up although I think I will need to buy a desk lamp because the lighting in the room is not very good. I have everything I need and as I unpacked, I decided I have more than I need in some areas. Yesterday I finally completed all the paperwork I needed to do to apply to teach casually in government schools and posted that off as well as my resume and a cover letter to four private schools, indicating my interest in teaching there on a casual basis.

Now all I need is to be more disciplined and focussed on getting my assignments done. I know I can do them despite the fact that it's been so long since I did formal study and at times it still seems overwhelming and I worry about failing. Today I did the laundry, printed out invites to my housewarming, caught up on Facebook (including games), did the dishes, had a nap, played with Milly outside and even took the rubbish out to the bin. I considered cleaning the windows which is a job I never do so it shows the lengths I will go to, when procrastinating from studying.

Finally when there was nothing more I could do except study, I sat down at my desk, got out my pen and paper, went to "Google Scholar" on the laptop, opened up my textbook and applied myself diligently to the assignment on Behaviour Management. I clicked on links here and there, wrote notes in columns, typed in the Word Document and was focussed. At times I wondered if I was doing it right but I perservered.... until the lady next door arrived with her daughters just to visit for a little while. They also brought over some Easter eggs that the "Easter bunny had accidently left at our place for you" which was cute.

Having lost the momentum, I reverted back to how I'd been feeling before I applied myself. Dark thoughts like, "What's the point of even trying?" "Who really cares about 'me'?" "Why can't I have a horse and go riding?" "When does it get easier and when will I stop hurting and wanting my life with Dave back?" It takes self-control to push those thoughts aside and rekindle the desire to move forward with life.

 

People talk about God providing all that I need and I know He does but today I was thinking that if Dave was still alive, He wouldn't have to be quite so busy with that and I wouldn't need to be trusting Him for 'new' things because I would have them already. Right now I need: 

1. To be able to get my 2 assignments done and done well.
2. My lawnmower fixed or a new lawn mower.
3. Income. Even though I have enough money for now, I hate that it is being spent on setting up my home, paying bills, food and upkeep etc. with nothing to replenish it. So with income, some kind of steady work would be good.
4. Company/friends - I am blessed to have friends all over the world and all over Australia, but it would be nice to have like-minded friends (apart from just Sharyn) who live close by and who I could go out with, study with, talk with or just hang out with. I was also fortunate to have a friend come from Victoria to stay with me for a few days and we had a good time together.
5. I still would like a horse and be able to go riding. I know that might not seem like a need to many people but it is very important to me.

I need a garden shed to put my tools, bike and lawn mower away in. At the moment I keep my bike in the laundry and the tools on the outdoor table that the previous owner left behind. I kept them there because Milly had pulled them out of the cardboard boxes, chewed up the boxes and was chewing on the tools. Today, she discovered she can climb on to the chair to get closer to the table but she hasn't figured out how to get down again. The shed is supposed to be here by the 15th April.

Recently I was reading in my devotions by Joyce Meyer:

 

When we have faith in God, it leads to hope, and our outlook on life and the future is positive.

Hope allows us to leave our unanswered questions in God's hands; it empowers us to remain at peace, and it enables us to believe the best about the days to come.

You can have hope when you trust in God's love. He has the power to provide for you and lead you through every situation.

I know that is true and I am continuing to learn to trust God in everything. Sometimes I just want it all now and I wonder if God will really allow me to have everything I think I want and need. His plans for me are best but it seems like the 'best' is yet to be and I get tired and discouraged waiting and plodding forward, doing what I can to make the most of today, yet champing at the bit to move ahead to the 'best' where I can be settled and just enjoy 'ordinary' life again.

Well it's Saturday night and time for me to go feed Milly, cook some dinner for myself and watch a movie, unless I get all inspired to study but I think I will leave that until Monday. Hope you're having a great weekend! Thanks for listening to me, for praying for me and for your encouragement. You are one of my favourite blessings!