Valentines Day 2013 aka Live Life

I am thankful that Valentines Day in Australia is not as 'big' as it is in the States and so the stores are not full of red heart boxes of chocolates, teddybears, cards and romantic ads advertising the best way to celebrate Valentines Day. However, I was fully aware that it was Valentines Day and late this afternoon, I picked up the white teddy bear that Dave gave me for the only Valentines Day day we got to celebrate it together and cuddled it while watching a movie called, "The Way".  Throughout the day, I thought about that Valentines Day and remembered going shopping with Dave. Whenever Dave bought a card for someone, he would spend a lot of time reading the words in a card and would choose the one that would best say the words that he couldn't say. I still have the beautiful Valentines Day card he gave me in 2011.

Valentines Day is also the same day as my mum's birthday and mum passed away in June of 1999 so that's another thought on my mind on this day. Add to the fact that I had to speak to the removalist about moving next weekend and as you can imagine, it was an emotional day for me. My mum and I were very close and her encouragement and advice was something I treasured when she was alive and something I miss on so many occasions since her passing away. Mum knew me and accepted me and as I have faced and had to deal with so many changes over these past 3+ years, it would have been comforting at times to have had her input.

A friend came around today to help me pack but we ended up sharing and getting to know each other a bit better. I started showing her photos of my road trip but then talked about Dave, about our life together, showed her photos of our wedding and did show her some photos of the celebration of Dave's life except that I had to hold back the tears so decided not to show her more.

Getting back to the movie, "The Way" - If you have not seen it, I strongly urge you to watch it as it's an excellent, thought provoking movie. Make sure you have a box of tissues with you. I cried through most of it but it is still worth watching. It's about a man who goes on a pilgrimage in honour of his son who had been killed by a storm at the start of his journey. His dad decides to finish it for him and meets other pilgrims along the way. His son had said to him,

"You don't choose a life, you live one."

Those words resonate strongly within me as I reflect on my road trip, reflect on the changes I have had to make in my life and as a new future draws near again when I will have to start all over again in a new job, new home, new place and make more new friends.  Recently one of my friends said to me, "You don't do things by half, do you?!" and as we laughed I was reminded of how my mum used to say the same thing. A lot of people have been very encouraging of the next step I am taking in my journey and have voiced their enthusiasm as well as their desire to remain part of my journey. The thing is, I didn't choose some of the things that have happened to me and they certainly aren't what I would have chosen. Hey, if I could have, I would have given anything to have had Dave and I sharing life for more years to come, but it didn't happen like that.

So now I have to live life. Live the life that I can live and continue not to do anything by halves. God didn't create me with half a personality, half a desire or to be half hearted about living or even loving. I didn't choose a life, but I am living life and I intend to live it the way God created me to live it.
Thank you to those who love me and I am thankful that you are part of my life!