Moving Along The Road I Didn't Plan

This morning I received an email from my favourite brother-in-law and he commented about my reflections of the 3+ years that I had emailed him about. Three years??!! It's hard to believe that only three years ago I was embarking on moving to go and live in the States and be married to my best friend, Dave. I was so excited and so happy! Only three years? It seems like a lifetime ago and so much has happened in that time.  Three years ago the future was bright, the future was going to be shared with Dave, we were going to make a new life together and go forward together, no matter what it took. We knew it would have it's problems but we also knew we could face and overcome them. We had no idea of what would happen in the next few years but as the words say in the song, "Beautiful":

So this missing you is overwhelming
When it hits me
You're not coming back
And in my darkest hours I have wondered
Was it worth it, for the time we had
My thoughts began to hear you
But one thing I know is true
I'll bless the day that I found you.

The stars we put in place
The dreams we didn't waste
The sorrows we embraced
The world belonged to you and me
The oceans that we crossed
The innocence we lost
The hurting at the end
I'd go there again
Cuz it was beautiful
It was beautiful

It wasn't all easy but I loved him and still love him so much. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of him and I'm not sure there's a day that goes by when tears don't fall wishing he was still here with me. But I have to move on and forward and I take my memories of Dave with me wherever I go.

So three years later I stand upon a road that I didn't plan three years ago and couldn't forsee taking without Dave. I am moving interstate to go and take up a course at University that I have been thinking about doing for the last five years or so. I am going to aim for a Masters in Education and major in Guidance and Counselling. (for youth) I will study part time and teach on a casual basis and hopefully get a teaching job full time. At the moment my application to university is being reviewed and it might be that I will have to do other subjects in order to qualify for the Masters but the goal is still to complete my Masters.

With regards to teaching interstate, although my teacher registration is recognised and accepted, because I lived in the States for more than 12 consecutive months I have to do more paperwork in order to get an FBI/police clearance for my time there. Paperwork seems to be the bane of my life and I can't ever avoid it and there's never a simple quick fill in the blanks application form.

My furniture will be moved at the end of next week and kept in storage until I have my own place for it to be sent to. The removalist told me that it would be better if they could move it straight there but as my plans are to stay with my friend until I have a place, it is the way it has to be. The last time I packed was 16 months ago to leave the States. My husband has passed away only two months earlier and I was leaving my family and friends there, my home, and moving across the ocean to start all over again. My heart was not in my return to Australia although I knew it was the practical way to go. Every item I packed held significance for my life with Dave and when I unpacked to set up my home here, it still brought on the tears.

Now as I pack, although I know the future is before me and I am excited about what it holds, it also reminds me of the dreams Dave and I had shared that were unfulfilled. It reminds me of my great loss in losing my husband and my home but it also reminds me of what we shared together and I am thankful for Dave being such a big part of my life. It's hard to pack away memories and photos again but at the same time, I am looking forward to unpacking in my new home and feel like I am taking Dave with me.

The other day I was driving along and I heard the song, "Need You Now". No matter what I go through even though the future looks bright and it is exciting, the last few years have proven that we don't know what tomorrow holds and the plans we have, we need to give to the Lord with an open hand knowing that He alone knows the plans He has made for us. I know I have grown over the last few years and although some people think I am brave and intrepid, I know that I can not move forward without God walking alongside me. So I'm going to finish this post with the lyrics to "Need You Now."

Need You Now: (How many times)

Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
So, I guess you're tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

Chorus:
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

Chorus

Though I walk, though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

Chorus

I need you now
I need you now