Live Life

There's a lot happening at this time of year and memories, thoughts, reflections run through my mind at a thousand miles per second. Sometimes I can make sense of things but when there is no making sense of some actions and thoughts, I choose how I will respond. On an application form recently, it asked if I was optimistic and I replied, "I choose to be optimistic". It would be so easy to get caught up in the pain or to dwell on uncertainty but that doesn't move me forward. I am learning that it's OK for me to cry and be hurt and acknowledge my disappointments but after that time, I need to make a choice to take a step forward without allowing the disappointment to become bitterness.

Yesterday I was in the bush and enjoying the peace and I felt like I belonged there. All the cares of the world were somewhere back on the bitumen road, not here on the dirt track with the river running over the rocks, the birds singing, mosquitoes buzzing and the rustling of the long grass that might have been a snake or just merely the breeze. I got out of the car and looked along the banks of the river. I saw trees with their roots reaching down to the water and I was reminded of Psalm 1.

Blessed is the one.... whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on His law day and night.

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.

I went to an interview and they asked me the usual "Where do you see yourself in five years time?" question and although I balked, I answered honestly. The thing is, my life in the past many years has not been my plans. Maybe I got to make a decision in some of my circumstances but those things can change so whatever plans I make, I need to make with an open hand and realise that I don't and can't, have control over everything. I did tell them though that my 'ultimate' dream is to be working with children and also to have a couple of acres, my own horse and be able to go riding whenever I had the time. The principal thought that sounded like a good plan.

I've been reading a book called, "Love Does" by Bob Goff and he wrote this:

I think God's hope and plan for us is pretty simple to figure out. For those who resonate with formulas, here it is: add your whole life, your loves, your passions, and your interests together with what God wants us to be about, and that's your answer... We're God's plan and we always have been. We aren't just supposed to be observers, listeners, or have a bunch of opinions.... Tell me about the God you love; tell me about what He has inspired uniquely in you; tell me about what you're going to do about it..."

As I've been reading that book, it's challenged me to live my life as the person God created me to be. It also challenges me to take risks and not get bogged down by disappointments. The other day I received a call saying I didn't get a job that I had been hoping to get and I cried for a bit but then I got online and searched for another job. Instead of just filling out an application form and posting it, I got in my car and drove to the town to look around. I wanted to make sure it was a place I would be happy to live in and I must admit, I loved it. It was a rather spontaneous  thing to do and I met a few people who were surprised by my actions but I was glad I did it. The longer I stayed by the river, the more I felt at peace with God, with me and with whatever my future might hold.

Sometimes I think we speak cliches and words that are meant to reassure but the words come easily because we've heard them before and we think that's what we are supposed to say. When we meet people who have wrestled with God, who have had their hearts wrenched about and have felt the pain of life because they've got involved and taken risks, we are more apt to listen to them and yet, they often don't speak out loud. We 'hear' their encouragement as they walk alongside us and love us.

We often try to fit God into neat little cliches too but He doesn't fit. Sort of like the Incredible Hulk breaks out of his clothes, God breaks out of the box and does things that are way beyond our imagination. He loves us in a way that makes us gasp in amazement. I remember one time, Dave and I were walking through the woods near Mom and Dad Flowers' home and I was pointing out the beauty of the mountains, remarking on the deer we saw watching us, being amazed at the salmon fighting to get home, the beaver marks in the trees and the river running past the walking track and Dave said to me that he was used to those things so took them for granted. Sometimes that is how we are with God. We limit Him because He's always been there, in the church, in our programs, in our words and we forget just how amazing and awesome He is!

Today, there are people in mourning as a shooter killed young children and teachers in a school. There are tragedies and circumstances we have no control over but we can choose how we will live today and how we will respond to God and the people He has put in our lives. Even while the tears are still drying and the pain is easing a little, we need to make a choice to move forward, live and love, knowing how valuable yet fragile, life is.