It All Happens at the Same Time

Just a reminder before you read this that you don't have to. When I share here, it's mostly for my personal benefit so that I can think about what I am going through and put it into perspective. If you are encouraged by what I write, then that's a bonus. Also, if you followed the link here from Facebook and want to read other journal entries, just click on the title "The Garden Trail" or go to the right side and click on the Blog Archive.

Life is a journey and the more that time goes by, the more I realise the journey can take twists and turns, dark times and happy times and all of that can be mixed up together at the same time. It is unlikely that a person (at least in my experience) can find a place where they can rest for years on end without going through times of growth, struggle, good times and difficult times. When Dave passed away, I knew that God would continue to stay beside me and get me through whatever life threw at me. I remember thinking that since God didn't take me instead of Dave, it meant there was more for me to do on this earth and that there was a purpose for me to stay alive. I also chose to remember that this life is temporary, we don't know when our time or our loved ones' time on this earth will end, so we need to make the most of every day and value the people we are with.

A couple of Bible verses that are jumping out at me these last couple weeks are from 2 Corinthians 4:7-9:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned;struck down, but not destroyed.

Moving house has been tough and yesterday we received a letter from our last property manager to tell us that since we have not paid the excessive water bill, they are going to put in a notice of breach. We have a letter from the plumber that states there was an underground water pipe broken and that he tested how much water we use and it's definitely not in excess of what 2 people should use. So  if they go ahead, we have evidence showing we should not pay it. Having said that, they could withhold our bond payment and the whole issue might take some time to be resolved so in the meantime, we stress. We also had a saga about the professional cleaners we hired which has cost us time and money and lots of frustration.

We still don't have a phone line or internet although the dongal is up and running now which will help somewhat. This has been another saga that has wearied us. I called someone again today about the issue and it might all be remedied by next Thursday... Here's hoping. In the meantime, I am struggling to keep up with my uni studies but I don't want to defer. The next term break  is only 2 weeks away!

The thing is, I am not a confrontational person. People think I am strong and confident but I am not. I avoid confrontation whenever I can and would prefer just to let things be rather than stir up the pot. If I have a conflict with a friend and they start being nice to me again, I will put the conflict behind me and move forward. However, if they do it again, it is a lot harder to put it behind me. I am also learning that sometimes we have to confront people. In our home group last week, we talked about being a mouthpiece for truth and justice, standing up to effect change and bring about fairness and truth. What if I am the person who is being targeted though?

Last week I was reminded again of the prayer of St Francis of Assisi;


God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time

Some of my students are going through tough issues of growing up. When I call the roll in the mornings, I often invite them to say one or two words about a topic. e.g. favourite book, how the weekend was, what they're looking forward to etc. The other day, after hearing about half of them say they were feeling sad, or angry, or having a bad morning, I told them to write down one thing they are thankful for. I then gave them a sheet of paper and said to write down their hurts and concerns. They could give that bit of paper to me if they wanted to or they could rip it up and put it in the bin. One girl asked why they couldn't write it in their book. I said that when something is written, you can come back and read it again later and sometimes feel that same pain so in this case, I just wanted them to be able to get rid of it. I've also been playing fun songs for them to listen to and laugh such as "Lollipop" (1950s), "The Candy Man Can" (from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), "Pretty Pink Tractor" (Tim Hawkins and especially for the boys in my class) and "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from Mary Poppins.

I do have a lot to be thankful for. We have friends who we can relax and have fun with and who support and encourage us. We have a church that we attend regularly and get something from the sermons, as well as, we are going to a home group where we can be real and share about our life's journey. I am so glad we are renting a home now where we have good neighbours, cheaper rent and where the owner is pragmatic. Andy has joined an Aussie Rules football team and is training two times a week with guys who are younger than him but he's improving on his fitness and skills. They've even said he might be asked to play in the seconds team when the season starts! I am very thankful for Andy. He believes his role as my husband is to serve me and he honestly wants me to be happy. Life isn't easy at the moment (for more reasons than I have mentioned here) but it is good to have someone walking beside me who thinks I'm pretty special.

If you are still reading this, then thank you. If you would like to chat, I only have a cell phone available for another week and then we'll have a landline, hopefully. I can also be contacted through  Facebook and email. Please continue to pray for us at this difficult time. I said to my friend Jane last night that when Dave passed away and I had to go back to Australia, I had no job, no home, not much money, no husband and I was leaving behind my family and friends in the States. It hurt so much  and I thought it was as bad as it could get but hoped that things would start to pick up and I'd continue moving forward. I didn't expect this ditch in the garden trail which is hard to climb out of. I want to move forward and be able to  use my gifts and abilities to encourage and help others but it is hard when a fog of discouragement keeps threatening to hinder my walk.

Past, Present and Future

Everybody's doing it whether they're admitting to it or not, whether they're posting about it on Facebook, telling their friends or sitting quietly by themselves. People are reflecting on the year that's gone by and speculating about what the year ahead holds. Some are making new year's resolutions, some are getting their journals out, their new cameras or blogging their thoughts. Some are glad the year is over and are trying to make sense of what happened while others are thankful for the many blessings they enjoyed. Whatever stage on the spectrum you're on, no one can deny that we have no idea how the year 2015 will pan out. We can make plans and hope for good things. We can sing Auld Lang Syne and hug our friends and family, we can cheer, watch fireworks and say that this will be a better year but we don't know what our future holds. 

2014 was a tough year for me but it wasn't all hard, there were great friendships grown, a kind and thoughtful husband walking beside me, beautiful beaches explored, a fun and curious class to teach and a lot of interesting things learned through my university study. There were struggles along the way, heartbreaks when people let me down and the obvious - falling off my horse on November 10th which changed and challenged me physically. Although I am almost fully recovered, it is still taking time to get back to where I was before the fall. Andy keeps reminding me, "One small step at a time" and encourages me to walk a little bit further every day. 

At this time of year, there are people I miss, not just those family and friends who live too far away but also those who have already left this earth, including Dave. When I hear Christmas carols, "Walking in a winter wonderland", when I hear snatches of the commentators of the Rose Bowl parade, it takes me back to my home in Washington State and all what I was able to experience as Dave's wife. It wasn't easy being in a different country to what I was used to, learning a different style of life and sometimes a different way of thinking, but it was part of loving and being married to Dave.

Andy and I are thinking about moving house which means we will have to do some culling of our stuff. Not that either of us have that much since we both have moved around and only moved here a less than two years ago. I thought of the things I have that are associated with my life with Dave and mentioned them to Andy. He reminded me that those things are still important and worth keeping because they're a part of who I am. On the other hand, I know that those things can be gone but I will still have the memories. Both of us don't want the effort, financial cost and time it will take to move again but we know it will be for the best. If we can find somewhere a little bit cheaper and a little bit closer to my work, it will make it easier for us to save in order to buy our own place one day. 

Today we went shopping, just to get out of the house. We went to Officeworks since I haven't been there for quite a few months. I bought a new folder and notebook ready for my uni studies this year which was a little bit exciting. Now that I am more than halfway through, with only 3 subjects to go, I can see the certificate at the end plus, it has been interesting and enjoyable learning even when it's been hard work. I will do one subject in the first half of this year, another in the second half and then the last subject I will do in 2016 and then I will be finished! Andy talks about me doing more study after that, perhaps a doctorate or something, but that's not going to happen, especially not in the near future. I don't know what doors having this extra qualification will open for me but already it has helped me in my understanding of others. 

The other things I did was buy an external hard drive to put all my photos and documents on to so that if this laptop decides to crash and not work anymore, I still have all those other important things. It also might make the laptop last a bit longer and work a bit faster as I deleted what I don't need, off it. I have been concerned that if anything happened to this laptop, I did not want to lose the photos that I've added over the years.

In ten days time, Andy and I will have been married for one year. It's been a good year of marriage. Although, or rather because, Andy has not been married before, he has a desire to learn and do what is right. I had to tell him the other day that if we disagree, that is not always a bad thing and it does not also mean it's his fault either. Sometimes I make mistakes and do the wrong thing. He told friends last week that he has made 'every mistake in the book' and I definitely disagreed with him about that. He has a good heart and loves me. He wants me to be happy and will do what he can to ensure that. He is protective of me and takes time to be with me. He is not perfect but as I remind him, neither am I. 

We're going to go away for a couple nights to the beach and go to a show that we went to on one of our first dates. We have got a special cake for our anniversary as we didn't keep any of our wedding cake. It's spectacular! Of course I will take plenty of photos on this auspicious occasion. 

I am looking forward to the year ahead. We started off the year with good friends, having breakfast with them on the first day of 2015. It was very relaxing and casual. Andy and another friend climbed the hill at the back with Milly and our friend took lovely photos while they were up there. I went outside to show another friend the hill, and we saw them at the top of the hill because Andy was wearing a fluorescent shirt. 

One of the highlights for me, was a dutch friend bringing Oliebollens which is a traditional New Year's treat, that he had freshly baked that morning. It was such a surprise! I had thought of calling and asking him to bring some but then thought that might be a bit presumptuous of me. When he handed me the dish full of them, I was so excited. He said, "I thought you might like these. It might have been a while since you've had them." It brought back good memories of my Aussie-Dutch friends down south and the times I've spent with them. None of my other friends present had known it was a dutch tradition and when John left a few with me, my friend Jane offered to take a couple. As much as she and I are good friends, this was a line I insisted on drawing. 

When our friends had gone home, Andy and I both remarked on what a good morning/afternoon it had been. We are so thankful for the friends God has given us, both here and further away. We look forward to growing the friendships we've been blessed to have, as well as growing in our love and friendship with each other over 2015.

New Year's Eve 2014

Life Is Full of Better and Worse. :)

Nearly a month later than my last post and only a week to Christmas - time sure does fly whether one is having fun or not. This week has full of dramas, anxiety and yet, as a friend going through a hard time wrote to me, "God is so good to us." As I woke up this morning, I thought, "Yay! Saturday! The week is almost over." I haven't thought that way in a long time. The week has been full of worldly tragedies - a hostage situation in Sydney Australia, over 100 children killed at a school in the Taliban and a mother stabbing her 7 children and a niece in north Queensland. Horror stories of people who kill innocent victims. Then we deal with our own issues and challenges in life and remember only vaguely, that we have a lot to be thankful for. 

Earlier this week, I woke up and Andy was watching me with a smile on his face and I thought how sweet, even romantic. When I mentioned it to him that he looked happy, he commented that he enjoys playing tennis which was where he was going. I told him that killed the romantic thought I was having and he added, "But you did look cute while you were sleeping." He has taken such good care of me while I've been injured. When I get frustrated about my lack of energy and ability to do what I usually could do, he reminds me that it's been a challenging year and that my fall hasn't helped things. He reassures me that I can only take small steps and not expect to be 100% in a short space of time. 

Last week, he went camping for the first time with me even though he didn't expect to enjoy it. He met people from around the world and was in his element chatting with them about their country's sport. The first full day we were there, we went for a walk along the beach, he went running on sand dunes and we both went body boarding in the surf. I was excited that the first wave I caught, I rode into shore - it was the best wave I had ever caught. After a couple more waves, I went and sat on the shore to rest and watched Andy catch a few waves, then talk to a couple from England. After dinner that night, we talked with a couple who had a camping trailer and they loaned us some sand pegs to keep our tent more secure in the strong winds however, that didn't help when the thunderstorms and heavy downpour went on all night. The next morning, we watched the other couple pack up, then we decided to pack up in the rain too. There was no sense hanging around in the tent for the next couple of days. We loved the place and hope to go back there some other time. In our tent. Andy says he hates camping but he keeps saying, "We need to get.. for when we go camping... next time." It was good to put the camping stuff away today.

Anyway, this week took a downhill slide when I received an 'excess' water bill from the property manger (pm) which was for almost $2,000 and said that we use up to 3,000 litres a day. I emailed the pm and she said that she can not find a record of a leaking tap so therefore we had to pay it. She had told Andy just before my fall that the water bill was not a leaking tap and must be a broken pipe and that she would have it investigated but she didn't do that. I called the RTA (a tenancy authority) and they scoffed at her comments and said it is obviously a broken pipe and that we should not pay it as it's the landlord's responsibility to have maintenance done on the property, not ours. They told me to email the pm and let her know we wouldn't be paying and that we had spoken to them. Also, while I was on the phone to them, I made sure the water was all off and checked the meter which was still ticking over as though there was water being used.

Later on, I was talking with a friend who is also a pm for another company and she encouraged me to contact the owners/landlord in case the lazy pm hadn't done so. I couldn't find the phone number so went to her place of work and she was off sick. I left a message with her and she called today when we were unable to answer the phone and her comment was it was the first she heard of it. She is not going to be happy when she finds out about the bill and that the pm hadn't notified her as soon as she could.

Last night we were watching TV when a car drove up our bumpy driveway and there was a loud knock on our door. Andy went to the door and called out "Who's there?" but no one was there. Before he opened the door, I heard giggling and the car drove off. It was a bunch of kids probably but it was still a little bit scary. We often keep the front door open as we don't have a screen door and we need to let air in but now Andy is willing to shut and lock the front door.

This morning at about 7:30am, I heard the back gate open and close and I stood up on the bed/pillow to look outside the window that was high up. I saw the neighbour's son and another boy go back and sit down at their patio table and chairs. He came over later and explained to Andy that Milly had tried getting out so they'd put some bricks near the fence. Of course Milly tried getting out - there were guys there and she wanted some attention. When people walk past our side fence with their dogs, she barks and runs to the fence and they pat her and tell her she's gorgeous. When that car came last night, there was no barking from Milly. She's not a guard dog.

Andy and I are looking for ways of saving and I changed my phone plan to a prepaid account which is $20 less per month. When I checked after making a payment, it said I only had $5 credit. As we drove off to our friends' place for lunch I had a minor melt-down. I said to Andy that it doesn't seem fair that even when I do the right thing, it goes wrong and that even when I make an extra effort to get ahead, it doesn't work. It's not fair! While we were at our friends' place, we called the phone company and the text message was badly worded which means that $5 credit is if I want to call overseas for 4c per minute. Whew!

We had a lovely time at our friends' place, chatting, eating chocolate, putting things in order as J and I both "have a little bit of Monk in us" as Dave would say. I put all the chocolates (box of Favourites) in alphabetical order and J ate the one that looked out of place. When we came home, I turned on a Christmas CD and wrapped up Andy's Christmas presents and put them away again. We don't have the tree up yet. Hopefully that will be put up tomorrow. The Christmas CD is still playing as I write this. 

Yes, it's been a challenging year but at the same time, there is a lot to be thankful for and the blessings far outweigh the trials. I'm alive. I am loved. I have all that I need and more besides. It sounds like a cliche and yet is is spoken from my heart. A friend put this on my FB page and as I thought it so appropriate, I'm sharing it with you, too. 

Two Weeks Ago

This time two weeks ago I was lying on a hospital bed being subjected to tests on my brain and checking for internal injuries/bleeding while Andy stayed close by answering questions I was firing at him about why I was even in hospital. Not that I recall that time but that's what I've been told was happening. I don't remember at all. I think that I woke up and started remembering/ being coherent at about 10:30 that night, five or six hours after I had somehow fallen off my horse. We might not ever know what happened back then. A week after the fall, I went back to work for three days and by Wednesday knew something was not right. I was struggling with moving around, I was emotional and I felt like I couldn't cope with the school day ahead. I made a doctor's appointment for that afternoon to get a second opinion. That doctor was surprised I was at work and gave me the rest of the week off as well as this week. He said I should be feeling better by the end of this week. He explained about my "post concussion cerebral dysfunction" and said I could not drive, work, ride horses or do any other physical &/or sporting activity. He was actually relieved to know that I hadn't been driving.

So, here I am two weeks later. The physical injuries I suffered which I feel didn't get any recognition from the doctor due to the concussion being the focal point, was pain in the left side, especially groin, chest and upper back area. The hospital doctor did say I would feel like I'd been hit by a Mack truck and not having been hit by one, I assume I now know what it feels like. I have been using a walking stick to get around when Andy's not around but today I didn't need it which was encouraging. The pain has lessened but I still get quite tired which is frustrating.

 For example, today I wanted to show Andy how easy it was to put up a pop-up speed tent and fold one up, which can be done in less than two minutes but when I tried to fold it up, I couldn't do it. I had to go and sit down because I was exhausted. The reason I was showing him is because I used a 2-man one on my road trip at the start of 2013 and since an Anaconda store is opening up this weekend with sales, I was thinking that maybe we could get a 3-man tent.


Before I fell off the horse, I was thinking about us moving. This house is very hot especially as we are experiencing the worst heat wave in about 8 or so years. These last couple of weeks have been around the late 30's Celsius which is close to 100 Fahrenheit and it isn't even summer, yet! There is no air conditioner in this place and it's only in the last couple months that we got screens put on the windows. The landlords do little to upkeep the home despite repeated calls from the real estate of which there is a thick file of evidence to prove the landlords are not responsive. We pay quite a bit of rent for 3/4 acre and an old, three bedroom house, but it sometimes gets too much when little things that need to be done, aren't done. After talking about it with Andy, the advantages and disadvantages, we decided that we need to stay put for a bit longer and see what happens early next year.

I was talking to someone recently about a decision I had made and they commented that since I was in the throes of concussion, I wasn't thinking rationally. I tried to explain that it was something I had been thinking about before the fall but I was a little put out by their condescension. I don't make hasty decisions and I do think things out thoroughly but this time I also included Andy in the process, duh. Oh well. They don't know me well.

I got my assignment result back today for the Uni subject I just completed and passed. I did well despite the negative comments the marker wrote. I was disappointed by the comments but pleased with the result.

Andy and I will probably stick around here at Christmas time rather than go on a planned vacation. We are still thinking of may be doing a road trip - hence the speed tent for a Christmas present. Andy has been taking good care of Milly and me. He gives her plenty of cold water and hoses her down to make sure she stays cool in this heat. He baked me a banana, choc-chip cake which was very delicious and as he ate the last piece of it, baked another one. I've had friends come around to visit which is also a good thing because I get bored. I know I should probably work on school report cards but I'm not sure I would make a lot of sense anyhow. It would be really nice if I was 100% again but as Andy pointed out tonight, it was only two weeks ago I was lying on a hospital bed unaware of my surroundings.Andy just asked me, "What are you doing?" and when I said I was writing a blog post he said, "I have no idea what that means but it sounds impressive." (It is easy for me to impress him.)

Today I was thinking that if I wrote my autobiography or even if someone wrote it for me, it could be called, "A Lifetime of New Beginnings" because sometimes it seems like I am not even in one place for a year before it's time to start a new beginning elsewhere. (It's probably just the concussion thinking like that. lol )  So that's it until the next blog post next time which by then, I will hopefully be on holidays relaxing near water and having fun!

Fallen

So, in case you haven't heard, I fell off my horse last Monday - 4 days ago and have had all the rest of the week off work. Mainly because I can't work, I can barely walk and for most of the week have slept. I don't know what happened because I can't remember. The last thing I remember was saying to Leah that I would go down to the paddock and wait for her there. I don't even remember riding away from her. People have asked me questions such as:

• Was the horse going fast?
• Had you been riding for long that day?
• Did the horse spook?

I had bad concussion and I don't remember. Before I had gone to my friends' place to ride, I had picked up Andy and Milly who had been out walking and had seen a big snake. Snakes are out in full force and there's been quite a few cases of people being bitten and having to go to hospital. Nine of the ten most venomous snakes live in Australia so people don't hang around to find out whether the snake they see is one of those or not. It's still only Spring and it's really  hot and dry here. The weekend is supposed to get temperatures such as 40 Celsius (104 F) and not vary much in the coming week. Andy was letting Milly go swimming in the creek but with all the talk of snakes, he's keeping Milly on dry ground.

Monday I fell off my horse Lucky, at about 5pmish. Andy was  playing with Milly and Lilly (our friends' dog who is also a black Lab) and he saw Lucky go back up to the paddock riderless. He ran down and saw me lying on my side very still and after checking for my pulse, called out for an ambulance which was there very quickly. Meanwhile, Lucky had gone to where Leah was saddling up Melody and he turned to go back to me expecting Leah to follow. When Leah got there, John (Leah's dad) gave Andy his phone to speak to the guys who were coming with the ambulance. Leah said I was talking and asking questions but my eyes were flickering all over the place and I didn't know who John was.

The ambulance took me away and Andy went in the other ambulance. He was the only one allowed near me in the hospital. They gave him a chair and got him to answer all the questions I was asking while they tested me for internal bleeding and head injuries. Andy said that I told them I was feeling like throwing up but they had already given me all they could for nausea. All the tests were clear. They kept me in overnight for observation and every two hours asked me where I was, what had happened, took my blood pressure, temperature etc. I started becoming coherent at about 10:30 that night just before Andy left. By morning, I was allowed to go home. I felt every bump. I talked to Nathan on the phone and he said I didn't sound 'normal'. I still find it difficult to get around. I hold on to the walls or Andy. He is being very good and won't leave me for long periods of time. He gets me whatever I want/need which isn't much yet.

Leah was quite distressed on Monday night as she had seen her teacher lying very still on the ground and wasn't allowed to see me even though they waited at the hospital. She came with her parents to visit us on Wednesday night. Jane's boys were also upset but she brought them and her husband out to see us last night (Thursday). I went to see the doctor yesterday and thought of dropping in to see my students on the way home but I don't have the energy or the physical capacity to walk that far. I should be back at work on Monday. I have fluid retention which is obvious in my legs, face and feet which is annoying. My left side hurts the most - upper back/shoulder blade, upper part of my legs.

Mostly I have just been sleeping when we haven't had visitors. Today is the first day I have spent any time on the computer and I managed to read a couple chapters of a book. I have been up for about four hours now as we had our neighbor friends drop over but I am ready for bed again.

In the back of my mind, I remember that only 4 years ago, almost to the day, Dave was admitted to hospital when he fell off a horse. I know the circumstances were different and his fall caused the pulmonary embolism to his lungs from which he passed away less than 10 months later but these are still thoughts that enter my mind.

As for me, I am planning to ride again... I think. I know that it hasn't put me off riding but I also know that I will probably be tentative at first and not trust Lucky as much as I once did. Was he spooked by a snake? I don't know. The last time I had ridden him, he had kept pulling in the other direction and I had kept making him go where I wanted him to go until he was doing what I wanted. This is the first time I have fallen off a horse as an adult and I know that my friends who ride often, talk about their falls as being relatively common. Well, no matter what, guess I won't be riding again until I can walk and even run again. I won't be able to play netball on Tuesday and highly unlikely I'll be able to play squash on Wednesday.

It's report writing time and I handed in my last uni assignment two weeks ago so at least study is out of the way. It's almost the end of the school year and then we have a few weeks of summer to enjoy before the new year begins. So far, we have made no plans but both of us want to spend time at the coast, soaking in the sea, ducking under waves and even collecting shells. But first, let me just walk again without needing help.

Just out of hospital - less than 24 hrs after the fall,
holding my wrist hospital band.

Not A City Chick!

As I drove home tonight, I watched the orange sun go down behind the hills that were sparsely dotted with gum trees and cattle grazing. With the bit of rain we've had lately, the paddocks were a little greener than usual but more rain is needed in this parched land. I have had a busy week but taking note of the scenery, watching the mountain where I live loom closer, I was thankful for the privilege of living here where I am. I was not cut out to be a city-chick and jeans, boots and tops are much more comfortable than skirts, tops and sandals.

Riding a horse is preferable to riding a pushbike, walking along concrete pathways and to some extent, even driving my Rav4. There is something immensely carefree about cantering on a horse with the wind blowing gently, the sun shining warmly and it's just you and your trusty steed. In fact, as we rode back along the road, Bob stopped us for a chat. He said that in years past, everyone around here owned and rode horses but you don't see it much anymore. He was happy to see us riding. A friend rolled into his driveway and we moved the horses back across the road and cantered around the paddock before giving rides to my friend's sons. Her boys are eager to ride and it was satisfying to watch them take the reins in hand and walk around the yard.

It has been a long week. Teaching a class of 11 and 12 years old can have challenges and the impact of a world in chaos, causes confusion and heartache for the children. Teaching them how to divide and multiply decimals, how to write a newspaper report and how to measure an earthquake (Science) is just a part of the whole. In all my years of teaching, I sometimes wonder what difference I can make. The course I am doing is just to have the piece of paper that qualifies me and gives me the recognition to do what I have already been doing (aside from teaching) for years.

I asked Andy the other day, "How many teachers do you remember from primary school and what do you remember about them?" Having said that, recently a colleague from teaching a couple years ago wrote on my Facebook page that she'd been in contact with some of my students from that year. She added, "Just wanted to remind you that you make an impact on your students regardless of wherever you go and how ever long it's for." I needed to hear that.

I got my results back for my first assignment and I passed. I passed both my tests well and that has taken the pressure off me for my 2nd assignment due in less than two weeks. As much as I enjoy this course, I am really looking forward to having a few months break from study, having my weekends free and being able to do day trips, ride my horse and spend more time with friends. Have I ever told you how good my friends are?!

I came home from work to a clean house, a yummy dinner and a good man waiting for me. He's a bit bruised and battered. This week in netball, someone stood on his foot and it looks like he might lose a toe-nail. I am so thankful for the way Andy takes care of me and the way he encourages me to do the things I enjoy and persevere in the challenges.

Well, it's getting late and although I can sleep in in the morning, I have an assignment to do and I might even get another ride in on the weekend.

Time to be Content

I got my assignment handed in on time - by the bare split of a few minutes but at least it was done. I am not confident about my results so if I pass, that will be a bonus. Since then, I've been catching up on the readings for the next module in preparation for the quiz that will be taken next week before the 18th October. After that, I have one more assignment due in on 29th October and then that subject will be done and I'll only have three more subjects to go. I should be finished my Masters halfway through 2016. As I was scrolling through the class notes, expectations and schedule, I saw a note that the lecturer had added:

 "You are nearly done so stay positive and focused. When negative self talk causes you to question your capacity to do a task, remind yourself of how many tasks you have done in other areas of your life and in your learning journey. You have been successful before and you can be here as well."  

 How timely that bit of advice was and it covered how I was feeling so well! I keep pacing myself, reminding myself that I am more than half way through my course and that I can do it. The lecturer said to remind yourself of what you have achieved in the past. In the last five years, I have sometimes felt like I've been tossed about as though in a washing machine then hung out on the line until dry and ready to move forward. Now I feel like I have my feet firmly planted on the ground and am taking steps towards goals that include getting my Masters of Education in a field that I am passionate about, (counseling children), living a life that I enjoy balancing work, sport, home-life and I  must admit that for the most part I am content. Sure it would be nice to live closer to the beach and nice to have our own place but I have enough for now.

 I started off this by giving dates. Dates and times have always been important to me for as long as I can remember. I guess it's my way of knowing how far I've come and how far I've still got to go. For example, I decided that I would do the 30 day plank challenge (The plank is a balance and core conditioning exercise. You can also perform the plank as a stand-alone exercise. The full plank, where you balance on both arms.) which means every day you do a plank for a certain amount of time, building up until after 30 days, you can do a plank for 5 minutes. I am up to being able to do one and half minutes. Anyway, Andy is doing it with me but when he is timing me, I ask him to count by 5 seconds out loud. He doesn't understand why I do it like that. He prefers to do it with just the music playing and for me to say "Stop" when his time is up. I need to know how far I've got to go so that I can hold out for that long. Doing a plank is not my idea of fun but it's a challenge and believe me, as soon as I get to the "Stop", I stop, collapse, laugh and feel relieved that it's over for the day.

As stated before, I am content. I was thinking about what it means to be content and I think sometimes people misunderstand it as being complacent. I am content but I keep moving forward and aim for more: more understanding, more learning, yes, even more fun and money if I can. I take the time to enjoy what I already have and try not to take it for granted. I share when I can because I love to see others enjoy life too. Last week during my holidays, I invited my friend Jane to come and play with Lucky and gave her three sons rides and 'lessons' in riding. The boys especially loved riding Lucky. They wore their cowboy boots, shirts and jeans and listened carefully to what they needed to know about holding the reins. I invited another older friend to bring her husband who is in a retirement home to come and enjoy Lucky, too. They were surprised that Lucky would just stand there even when I walked away.

Next week I am having a birthday and have invited friends around. I have parties not so I can be the center of attention but rather so that I can see all my friends at the same time and they can all meet each other and have fun together. Any excuse will do. Next week I am planning to ride to school on Lucky with a student who has her own horse. I keep Lucky at her parents' place and we've done a practice ride already. We are both looking forward to it. I hope to go and ride tomorrow and try out a small saddle bag I bought that can keep our water bottles and my phone safe and accessible, while I ride.

If you have followed my journey, you know that life hasn't always been easy for me and it has certainly had its challenges! There's been change, pain, grief and loneliness but I chose not to stay stuck there. I have tried to make choices that are congruent with the gifts and abilities that God has given me and that allow me to do things that I am passionate about. I  do feel incredibly blessed to have so much: love, family, friends, a class that I love teaching, sports I love playing, the ability to play and do things I enjoy. Andy has been an amazing support to me and I am extremely thankful for the relationship we share together.

The other day, Lucky took me by surprise and bit me. We think he had a sore spot so when I brushed him, it hurt. I got a big bruise and have taken photos and told an acquaintance I was thinking of putting the photo on Facebook. She turned to me and said, "You need to get a life!" My other friend who was there, shook her head after the acquaintance had gone and I said, "Not sure what more I could fit into my life. Sometimes I struggle as it is to get everything done." I wish I could finish this post off with a pithy saying or a motivational quote but I'm out of words for now and just know that I am thankful and content for so many reasons.

Contentment