It All Happens at the Same Time

Just a reminder before you read this that you don't have to. When I share here, it's mostly for my personal benefit so that I can think about what I am going through and put it into perspective. If you are encouraged by what I write, then that's a bonus. Also, if you followed the link here from Facebook and want to read other journal entries, just click on the title "The Garden Trail" or go to the right side and click on the Blog Archive.

Life is a journey and the more that time goes by, the more I realise the journey can take twists and turns, dark times and happy times and all of that can be mixed up together at the same time. It is unlikely that a person (at least in my experience) can find a place where they can rest for years on end without going through times of growth, struggle, good times and difficult times. When Dave passed away, I knew that God would continue to stay beside me and get me through whatever life threw at me. I remember thinking that since God didn't take me instead of Dave, it meant there was more for me to do on this earth and that there was a purpose for me to stay alive. I also chose to remember that this life is temporary, we don't know when our time or our loved ones' time on this earth will end, so we need to make the most of every day and value the people we are with.

A couple of Bible verses that are jumping out at me these last couple weeks are from 2 Corinthians 4:7-9:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned;struck down, but not destroyed.

Moving house has been tough and yesterday we received a letter from our last property manager to tell us that since we have not paid the excessive water bill, they are going to put in a notice of breach. We have a letter from the plumber that states there was an underground water pipe broken and that he tested how much water we use and it's definitely not in excess of what 2 people should use. So  if they go ahead, we have evidence showing we should not pay it. Having said that, they could withhold our bond payment and the whole issue might take some time to be resolved so in the meantime, we stress. We also had a saga about the professional cleaners we hired which has cost us time and money and lots of frustration.

We still don't have a phone line or internet although the dongal is up and running now which will help somewhat. This has been another saga that has wearied us. I called someone again today about the issue and it might all be remedied by next Thursday... Here's hoping. In the meantime, I am struggling to keep up with my uni studies but I don't want to defer. The next term break  is only 2 weeks away!

The thing is, I am not a confrontational person. People think I am strong and confident but I am not. I avoid confrontation whenever I can and would prefer just to let things be rather than stir up the pot. If I have a conflict with a friend and they start being nice to me again, I will put the conflict behind me and move forward. However, if they do it again, it is a lot harder to put it behind me. I am also learning that sometimes we have to confront people. In our home group last week, we talked about being a mouthpiece for truth and justice, standing up to effect change and bring about fairness and truth. What if I am the person who is being targeted though?

Last week I was reminded again of the prayer of St Francis of Assisi;


God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time

Some of my students are going through tough issues of growing up. When I call the roll in the mornings, I often invite them to say one or two words about a topic. e.g. favourite book, how the weekend was, what they're looking forward to etc. The other day, after hearing about half of them say they were feeling sad, or angry, or having a bad morning, I told them to write down one thing they are thankful for. I then gave them a sheet of paper and said to write down their hurts and concerns. They could give that bit of paper to me if they wanted to or they could rip it up and put it in the bin. One girl asked why they couldn't write it in their book. I said that when something is written, you can come back and read it again later and sometimes feel that same pain so in this case, I just wanted them to be able to get rid of it. I've also been playing fun songs for them to listen to and laugh such as "Lollipop" (1950s), "The Candy Man Can" (from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), "Pretty Pink Tractor" (Tim Hawkins and especially for the boys in my class) and "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from Mary Poppins.

I do have a lot to be thankful for. We have friends who we can relax and have fun with and who support and encourage us. We have a church that we attend regularly and get something from the sermons, as well as, we are going to a home group where we can be real and share about our life's journey. I am so glad we are renting a home now where we have good neighbours, cheaper rent and where the owner is pragmatic. Andy has joined an Aussie Rules football team and is training two times a week with guys who are younger than him but he's improving on his fitness and skills. They've even said he might be asked to play in the seconds team when the season starts! I am very thankful for Andy. He believes his role as my husband is to serve me and he honestly wants me to be happy. Life isn't easy at the moment (for more reasons than I have mentioned here) but it is good to have someone walking beside me who thinks I'm pretty special.

If you are still reading this, then thank you. If you would like to chat, I only have a cell phone available for another week and then we'll have a landline, hopefully. I can also be contacted through  Facebook and email. Please continue to pray for us at this difficult time. I said to my friend Jane last night that when Dave passed away and I had to go back to Australia, I had no job, no home, not much money, no husband and I was leaving behind my family and friends in the States. It hurt so much  and I thought it was as bad as it could get but hoped that things would start to pick up and I'd continue moving forward. I didn't expect this ditch in the garden trail which is hard to climb out of. I want to move forward and be able to  use my gifts and abilities to encourage and help others but it is hard when a fog of discouragement keeps threatening to hinder my walk.