Bend Without Breaking

Well the assignment on Behaviour Management has been completed and submitted by the due date. I am happy with the finished product and also very thankful for: Sharyn, who spent a few hours with me on Monday giving me something to work with, the lecturer - giving me a good framework so that I knew how to set it out, the principal at the school I work at  - for answering some questions and giving me some constructive advice and for my friend Tonya who took the time to proofread my assignment. I am also thankful for the encouragement of a very few people who took the time to make sure I knew they not only love me but they believe in me, too. That email, Facebook message or Skype call meant more than you could ever know. I am very happy to have that subject done and now I just need to do the Educational Counselling assignment due at the end of next week.

I went to work today and had a great day. I love being in that school environment and enjoy the friendship of staff members there. The students are typical children. I had one boy come up to me and tell me that at first he didn't really like me but now he is even looking forward to me teaching his class when I am working there full time. It's obvious the students feel safe there and even though there are the "naughty" kids, they all know they are loved and valued. At morning tea time today, I was sitting in the staffroom and mentioned that next Wednesday is the wedding anniversary date of Dave and I so I've decided to go out for dinner, rather than stay at home and feel sorry for myself. I invited those who wanted to, to join me for dinner and there are a few who will do that too, so it won't be just Sharyn and I.

Today, the business manager gave me the RM Williams' horns decal for my back window so when I have  the window cleaned, I'll be able to stick the pink horns on. When I showed  the decal to a couple of friends at school, they commented that I was a 'real country girl' now and one of them said I needed to add more aerials to my car. I feel so appreciated and valued for who I am. They laugh with me, listen to me and enjoy me coming in.

As I was driving home, I heard a song on the radio that MercyMe sing and the words struck home. The song is called, "Move".

I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days
I won't stop, I'll keep my head up
No, I'm not here to stay
There's gonna be brighter days (x2)

 I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus:]
When life won't play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I can't seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I won't let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

I'm gonna move (move) (2)
I'm gonna move

This hurt is getting heavy
But I'm not about to cave
Everything's about to change
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face

I liked that imagery of bending but not breaking, of dancing anyway and that I am going to keep moving. As I drove home I listed the many things I have to be thankful for, but most of all, I am glad I am in a place where I am doing what I love, making new friends and staying in touch with 'old' friends and studying to learn about something else I am interested in. I talked to Mom and Dad Flowers on Skype yesterday morning and Mom said that she doesn't worry about me because she knows I make the right decisions and that I trust God. She knows Dave is in a safe place and when she prays for her 6 biological children, she prays for me in place of Dave. I thought about how God had turned around what hurts into good. That gives me peace.

Sometimes there are moments I catch myself missing Dave and when I hear of someone else's pain and loss, I cry. There are even some ads on TV that make me tear up, not because of the people on it but because of the memories with Dave. As I was driving home, I thought about Dave and I had a very comforting thought. Dave would be proud of me and happy for me as I live the life I am living right now. On the 12th June, it would have been our 3rd anniversary. Our time together was much too short but I am so glad I had the privilege of being his wife. I am thankful for the love we shared and the memories we made. I am so grateful that much good has come out of my grief and also the loss that other family members and friends experienced when Dave passed away unexpectedly.

Oh I almost forgot to tell you about another highlight of my day, today. When I got home there was a package of books for me that I had ordered only a few days ago. I eagerly opened them up. When I teach, the kids love hearing the books that I read to them and it's almost becoming my trademark to have great picture books when I am teaching. The principal asked me the other day to start thinking about what I am going to contribute to the school when I am working full time and what plans I have for 'my' class. Even if he hadn't asked me, I already had started thinking about it and one of those things is to make sure I have plenty of books to read with that class. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!