Springtime Brings Hope

I went to bed last night and begrudgingly opened my devotions book and my eye caught the title of the day before's reading, which I hadn't done. I skimmed over today's and then read the one I really wanted to read.  This is what I read.

"Face the Truth and Find Freedom".

 If you want to continually live in new levels of victory, you must remain open and receptive to the truth about yourself. This is not just a superficial acknowledgement of wrong thinking and behaviour - it is an open and honest recognition of our sin before God that brings an attitude of repentance, which is a willingness to go in the right direction.
It can be painful, but facing the truth about your mindsets, motives and methods of doing things enables you to move beyond your despair and experience a wonderful fellowship with God.
The truth about yourself often brings great hurt, but the truth of God's Word brings great healing. As you continue in His Word, the truth will set you free."

I turned off the light, my heart burning and open to what I needed to hear.  I was not surprised by the truth because I had whispered it already but had tried to block it out in my desire to have what I wanted and to have security in this world.  What I wanted wasn't bad but my motives and means to go about it weren't as pure as I pretended.  The way I handled myself even in the 'break up' with a wonderful guy wasn't godly and I sought approval and justification from my friends. 

As I pondered on it, I realised that I had been putting my trust and security in a man rather than God.  I wanted security and sought it in something and/or someone other than Him.  I wanted to move forward and was willing to do what I could instead of trusting God to bring about what I needed in His time.  I had prayed about those things before but somewhere along the line started to put God aside and do it on my own.  As soon as I admitted it to myself, I asked for forgiveness and once again, knew the "peace that passes understanding."  It hurts and there's still a part of me that wants that relationship again but if that happens, it's going to be on a godly foundation. I will also pray for him as he faces challenges in his life and pray that he learns to trust in God at this difficult time, too.

I feel like I am back to being 'me' again and moving forward in the right direction.  At staff devotions this morning, one of the guys shared a song by Kutless called, "I Do Not Belong" and I smiled because this is especially pertinent to how I've been feeling for a long time.  
 

I look around and I feel like, things changed and I don't know why
And everyday that passes by I feel so far away
I can see in the distance, You have the rest of me
I put my trust in you, as I look beyond today
It's all becoming clear.

I do not belong in a world of broken pieces
I was meant to be in the arms of Your redemption
I am moving on to the place of Your perfection
Cause I do not belong 
 

By the end of today, with Spring in the air and the promise of hope, I decided I needed to celebrate and have friends and family over for a 'party' on Friday night.  It's short notice and when someone asked me what the party is for, I said, "Spring".  Spring has always been my favourite season and that's partly because my birthday is in Spring (October) but also because I love the hope that goes with it: The hope of new life, the hope of warmer weather and the hope of better days.  I looked for a picture to go with my invite and then took my phone outside, edited the photo and this is what I came up with: