Right Where I Am Supposed To Be

I went to church this morning and still find  it difficult.  I'm not sure why it's like that - perhaps I need to keep visiting other churches, perhaps it's just me.  The sermon was good and so was the music. The sermon was from Jonah 1 and talked about what is in our secret hold.  A great illustration she shared was that a tic was found in her body and she asked how to get it out.  The chemist told her that tics burrow clockwise, like a screw, and they need to be pulled out anti-clockwise.  She said how sometimes secret things e.g. pride and worry, burrow in as the clock ticks around but they still need to be pulled out.

The last few days I've been doing some thinking and sorting out in this ol' mind of mine.  I've been thinking about mountain tops and struggles as I prepare for staff devotions next week and I remembered a quote from "The Noticer" about how we have to come down off the mountain, go through the valley.. that we slog through.. learning and becoming what enables us to summit life's next peak.  I printed out the quote and will laminate it to stick it next to my desk in my classroom but the following words really spoke to my heart:

"So my contention is that you are right where you are supposed to be... Think.  Learn.  Pray.  Plan.  Dream.  For soon, you will become."

I am right where I am supposed to be.  I may not like the way I got here but I am where I am supposed to be.  I do think, learn and pray but my attitude has been that I am in a holding place and I'm grieving so I don't want to make myself vulnerable and plan and dream.  Yet, that is what I should do.  Plan.  Dream.

Next Tuesday - only 2 days away - marks the day that would have been our 2nd wedding anniversary.  I have talked about it a lot so that it's become less secret and I know people are praying for me.  I have even told my students who can be quite sensitive.  I've done some thinking about them too.   My beautiful mom (in law) said to me that she is thankful that my students have me for their teacher and I am thankful that she believes in me.  On Friday though, my students didn't have a good day and when they had a couple specialist subjects, they misbehaved, badly and they were very remorseful at the end of the day when it was time to go home.  One girl said, "It's not the teacher's fault, it's ours" and they all agreed.  I did tell them that they need to take responsibility for their own behaviour and that they shouldn't blame others.  We had a time of praying together and at one time when I opened my eyes, a saw a boy with his arm on another boy's shoulder as he prayed for him and for the others who were so upset. 

Much of my time this year, I have focussed on trying to change their behaviour in order to be able to teach them and sometimes I have missed seeing the heart of these children.  What I have been doing is not bad but they really need to be given a lot of love with firm boundaries.  On Tuesday, we're going to put aside the books and worksheets for some of the time, while we have fun with together.  They are going to write encouragement notes for each other and put them inside a goody bag I have made for them and I will get them to make cards for the other teachers they have.  We will talk about the good things they have to be thankful for and talk about their worries and concerns and we will play some educational games as well.   I will probably take my guitar in so we can sing, too. It sounds good and I hope it will be but I do know that some children can get too impulsive and react in an inappropriate way during unstructured activities so I will need to keep an eye on that as well.  Being my wedding anniversary, I think it will be helpful for my students and for me.

It's winter time here and although the sun was shining when I left church this morning, it is now cold and has rained.  My toes are cold inside my socks and slippers and I am sitting directly in front of the heater.  I want to go and play/groom horses this afternoon so I hope it clears up soon. 


Which brings me to some more exciting news!  After the weekend of looking at horses, I was feeling a bit discouraged because I realised that I probably don't have the time to commit to owning a horse yet.  While I'm saving up to buy a western saddle, which are not very common here in Australia, I also want to go away and visit friends, too.  I figured out that what I really want is to be able to go play/groom a horse and ride it but that it might have to wait for a while.  (This photo was taken when I first met Stormy and Dee.)

A friend on the staff at school, suggested I call her husband as he has a few horses and he might be able to help me.  When I called him, I told him a condensed version of why I wanted a horse and what I can be committed to and he told me he had two thoroughbreds for sale but that I could come out, look them over, groom them, ride them later when I'm ready and that he would also give me some tips as well before I commit to buying them. He keeps his horses on a farm about 10 minutes drive from my home.  I was so excited.  I then commented that I didn't have a saddle yet and he said,  "That's OK, I have a few saddles.  I have western saddles".  That clinched it for me.  I hadn't even mentioned that I wanted a western saddle so when he said that, I realised just how much God loves me and looks after me, even down to the smallest detail!

The two thoroughbreds are about 13 years old and one is 17 hands, as Stormy is and the other is about Dee's size.  Choose between them?  In my heart, I know that I want to own more than one horse and if the price is right and if I can find a place to keep them, and if I fall in love with both of them, it's just possible that I will buy both. (Like I did last time.)   In the meantime, it's also report writing time so I need to get stuck into that too.  A couple years ago when I was heading for the States I said to Dave, "Yay! The one thing I won't miss about teaching, is writing reports!!"  He laughed and now here I am again, procrastinating from report writing.  Some things never change.

Think. Learn. Pray. Plan. Dream.  For soon, you will become.