Taking Time Out

On Tuesday, Andy and I went for a walk at a National Park relatively close to us. My favourite photo was taken after I slid down the side of a hill (deliberately) and balanced myself without holding on to anything. The photo was of a track which had once been a creek but was now dried up due to the drought. Despite the lack of creeks and waterfalls, it was a very pretty place with native trees, fallen leaves and one branch pod looked almost like an oar. I didn't get a photo of it and regretted that for a moment. It was lovely to take a deliberate break from my study, enjoy a stroll through the park with Andy and take photos of scenes that were so interesting as well as 'imagine' trees looking like something else. For example, I looked at one branch and the bark wrapped around it made it look like a snake's head swallowing an arm. I imagined stories I could write and tried to get Andy to see the 'pictures' too but he was content just to enjoy the walk, talk and views.

Sometimes Andy will ask me what this place is like in Winter or what happened here years ago and when I ask him why he's asking me, he says that he's only been here for a year. I remind him I haven't been here much longer than him. Sometimes I forget that this place is new to me. Sometimes I forget that I've been through a lot to get to this point and that it's OK for me to have days when I don't want to get out of bed and face the day and it's OK to say to myself that today I can have a sad day. I decided to do a time line on myself of major events that have happened and every year for the past seven years, at least one or two high scoring stress points have occurred. We're not talking a 'hitting your big toe in the dark against a suitcase and losing a toe-nail just after your honeymoon" type event, although that did happen, we're talking moving house, moving interstate, moving across the world, getting married, getting widowed, changing jobs, starting intense study, falling off my horse and sustaining concussion and injuries that required me to have 3 weeks off work (Nov 2014) and other serious stuff.

This week I've been trying to catch up on my study and because it's about coefficient coordinates, stability coefficients, standard error of measurements, deviations and other topics particularly appropriate to the reliability and validity of assessments, some of it seems foreign to my brain when I have to apply formulas to analyse them. I called my friend Sharyn who has dabbled in assessment and who actually enjoys it and she came over today and helped a lot! Sharyn and I have been friends for almost 30 years and even though there have been times we haven't seen each other for years on end, she is one of those friends that we just picked up from where we left off, friends. 

After we'd checked over my notes and assumed I was on the right track and looked at the assignment and figured out what they were asking and after she decided against doing the course for me, in my name, (only joking), we got to talking about life and how we grow and change our perspective on something we once my have considered an absolute. In other words, we talked about growing up from a young adult into a middle-aged adult. (How my eyebrows lifted as I typed that!!) We ate small Cadbury Easter eggs left over from the housewarming party and munched on cheddar shapes as we talked for hours.

We talked about how we handle conflict. We talked about how people change as they 'mature' and we talked about my time line. As things have been tough for me over the past few or more months, I have really missed my mum. It's been almost 16 years since she passed away but she was the person I called to discuss everything with. I have needed to talk to someone who was good at listening, who knew me well, who had walked with me and who shares the same values, faith and beliefs I have. It was good to learn more about Sharyn and how/why she handles conflict and other life struggles.

Today, Andy and I read an article about Keanu Reeves and he was quoted as saying, "Grief changes shape but it never ends." He went through tragedy in his life but he kept pushing on, moving forward. That is admirable but it's hard to do. When I went to see my lecturer of the counselling subject I was doing in 2013 and shared with him some of my life story, he was surprised and said that usually someone in my situation would give up and yet I was out moving forward taking risks. I felt encouraged by his words but also felt determined to push myself and make sure I keep doing that. Consequently, when I have a bad day, I feel guilty. It was good for me to remind myself of my timeline of events. We can take this life for granted and we might forget that we don't have control over when our life or lives of our loved ones will end on this earth. We need to continually remind ourselves to make the most of every day but that includes sometimes taking time out to refresh, rejuvenate and take time to heal so that we can continue to have the strength to move forward and get on with all the tasks we still have yet to finish.

The Value of Love

A happy heart makes the face cheerful,

but heartache crushes the spirit. Prov. 15:13

How do you respond when you read that? I was reading something Holly Wagner wrote. She said, "So many of us put off being happy...... and the list of waiting to be happy goes on and on. Looking forward to something is important, but don't let it overshadow the value of today. I would like to suggest that happiness is a choice."

I have friends (and sometimes I can be one) who try to find the positives and blessings no matter what they are going through. I also have friends (and sometimes I can be one) whose heartache is crushing their spirit and they (we) find it hard to rise above our hurt. 

I am sitting at my unpacked office desk looking out the window at blue skies, green grass and trees that rise up on the hill. The birds are singing and the wind chimes that I put up yesterday occasionally chime in a gentle breeze. A magpie is walking along the front yard, pecking at the ground for food and I wonder if Andy killed the big snail I saw on the front porch yesterday. It is good to relax here and know that we are mostly unpacked but when I get to thinking about the stresses I  need to address, my stomach turns into knots and I let out a heavy sigh. 

The thing is, I know that sometimes evil wins and although it may be only a temporary win, innocent people get hurt and damaged. As I face others who are intent upon their getting their own way and will do what it takes to pursue their goals even if it means lying, I try to remind myself of what it says in Psalm 5:

"Lead me, O Lord in  your righteousness because of my enemies -- make straight your way before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction...
But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

I have two weeks of school break and I need to run lots of catch-up errands like:

• Get my hair done (a well-needed cut and colour!)
• Take Milly to the vet for her annual check up
• Write a letter to the RTA to put forward our evidence as to why we should get all our bond back (knotted stomach)
• Catch up on 3 weeks that I am behind in Uni studies
• Write an assignment for Uni - (subject is Individual Assessment and Testing)
• Have a housewarming party (definitely something to look forward to!!!)
• Go to the dentist for a checkup and clean. (must)
• Weed the front garden 
  

A wise friend wrote an email and said to me, "May God give you His peace Carolanne and a truly restoring break. I hope you take some time for yourself and not just for study. You've had such a difficult start to the year and a hard end to 2014. You need some time out, even if only half a day here and there, to relax and recharge your energy and enthusiasm for life." Yesterday as I unpacked my office, I came across some birthday cards that were given to me in October 2011, 2 months after Dave passed away and 2 days before I headed back to Australia. As I read them, I remembered the special love and friendship I was privileged to share with my family and friends over there. I came across a card from the principal/friend of the school I taught at in Spokane and she wrote, "The Lord caused you to impact many lives in the United States and He has great plans for you in Australia. You will be missed! Love you!"

As I reflect on how I am feeling, I am thankful for the many friends I have made. I have friends I can play with, laugh with, relax with, share with and pray with. I have friends who build me up and encourage me and they are all so unique. When I am feeling down and discouraged, when my stomach is in knots and I procrastinate because it hurts to remember and gather evidence of wrong-doing against me, it is good to be reminded that no matter what stuff is thrown at me, the real thing that counts - love, family, friends - are blessings that outweigh the hurt. I need to keep going and not let that hurt overshadow the value of loving and being loved. 

It All Happens at the Same Time

Just a reminder before you read this that you don't have to. When I share here, it's mostly for my personal benefit so that I can think about what I am going through and put it into perspective. If you are encouraged by what I write, then that's a bonus. Also, if you followed the link here from Facebook and want to read other journal entries, just click on the title "The Garden Trail" or go to the right side and click on the Blog Archive.

Life is a journey and the more that time goes by, the more I realise the journey can take twists and turns, dark times and happy times and all of that can be mixed up together at the same time. It is unlikely that a person (at least in my experience) can find a place where they can rest for years on end without going through times of growth, struggle, good times and difficult times. When Dave passed away, I knew that God would continue to stay beside me and get me through whatever life threw at me. I remember thinking that since God didn't take me instead of Dave, it meant there was more for me to do on this earth and that there was a purpose for me to stay alive. I also chose to remember that this life is temporary, we don't know when our time or our loved ones' time on this earth will end, so we need to make the most of every day and value the people we are with.

A couple of Bible verses that are jumping out at me these last couple weeks are from 2 Corinthians 4:7-9:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned;struck down, but not destroyed.

Moving house has been tough and yesterday we received a letter from our last property manager to tell us that since we have not paid the excessive water bill, they are going to put in a notice of breach. We have a letter from the plumber that states there was an underground water pipe broken and that he tested how much water we use and it's definitely not in excess of what 2 people should use. So  if they go ahead, we have evidence showing we should not pay it. Having said that, they could withhold our bond payment and the whole issue might take some time to be resolved so in the meantime, we stress. We also had a saga about the professional cleaners we hired which has cost us time and money and lots of frustration.

We still don't have a phone line or internet although the dongal is up and running now which will help somewhat. This has been another saga that has wearied us. I called someone again today about the issue and it might all be remedied by next Thursday... Here's hoping. In the meantime, I am struggling to keep up with my uni studies but I don't want to defer. The next term break  is only 2 weeks away!

The thing is, I am not a confrontational person. People think I am strong and confident but I am not. I avoid confrontation whenever I can and would prefer just to let things be rather than stir up the pot. If I have a conflict with a friend and they start being nice to me again, I will put the conflict behind me and move forward. However, if they do it again, it is a lot harder to put it behind me. I am also learning that sometimes we have to confront people. In our home group last week, we talked about being a mouthpiece for truth and justice, standing up to effect change and bring about fairness and truth. What if I am the person who is being targeted though?

Last week I was reminded again of the prayer of St Francis of Assisi;


God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time

Some of my students are going through tough issues of growing up. When I call the roll in the mornings, I often invite them to say one or two words about a topic. e.g. favourite book, how the weekend was, what they're looking forward to etc. The other day, after hearing about half of them say they were feeling sad, or angry, or having a bad morning, I told them to write down one thing they are thankful for. I then gave them a sheet of paper and said to write down their hurts and concerns. They could give that bit of paper to me if they wanted to or they could rip it up and put it in the bin. One girl asked why they couldn't write it in their book. I said that when something is written, you can come back and read it again later and sometimes feel that same pain so in this case, I just wanted them to be able to get rid of it. I've also been playing fun songs for them to listen to and laugh such as "Lollipop" (1950s), "The Candy Man Can" (from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), "Pretty Pink Tractor" (Tim Hawkins and especially for the boys in my class) and "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from Mary Poppins.

I do have a lot to be thankful for. We have friends who we can relax and have fun with and who support and encourage us. We have a church that we attend regularly and get something from the sermons, as well as, we are going to a home group where we can be real and share about our life's journey. I am so glad we are renting a home now where we have good neighbours, cheaper rent and where the owner is pragmatic. Andy has joined an Aussie Rules football team and is training two times a week with guys who are younger than him but he's improving on his fitness and skills. They've even said he might be asked to play in the seconds team when the season starts! I am very thankful for Andy. He believes his role as my husband is to serve me and he honestly wants me to be happy. Life isn't easy at the moment (for more reasons than I have mentioned here) but it is good to have someone walking beside me who thinks I'm pretty special.

If you are still reading this, then thank you. If you would like to chat, I only have a cell phone available for another week and then we'll have a landline, hopefully. I can also be contacted through  Facebook and email. Please continue to pray for us at this difficult time. I said to my friend Jane last night that when Dave passed away and I had to go back to Australia, I had no job, no home, not much money, no husband and I was leaving behind my family and friends in the States. It hurt so much  and I thought it was as bad as it could get but hoped that things would start to pick up and I'd continue moving forward. I didn't expect this ditch in the garden trail which is hard to climb out of. I want to move forward and be able to  use my gifts and abilities to encourage and help others but it is hard when a fog of discouragement keeps threatening to hinder my walk.

Past, Present and Future

Everybody's doing it whether they're admitting to it or not, whether they're posting about it on Facebook, telling their friends or sitting quietly by themselves. People are reflecting on the year that's gone by and speculating about what the year ahead holds. Some are making new year's resolutions, some are getting their journals out, their new cameras or blogging their thoughts. Some are glad the year is over and are trying to make sense of what happened while others are thankful for the many blessings they enjoyed. Whatever stage on the spectrum you're on, no one can deny that we have no idea how the year 2015 will pan out. We can make plans and hope for good things. We can sing Auld Lang Syne and hug our friends and family, we can cheer, watch fireworks and say that this will be a better year but we don't know what our future holds. 

2014 was a tough year for me but it wasn't all hard, there were great friendships grown, a kind and thoughtful husband walking beside me, beautiful beaches explored, a fun and curious class to teach and a lot of interesting things learned through my university study. There were struggles along the way, heartbreaks when people let me down and the obvious - falling off my horse on November 10th which changed and challenged me physically. Although I am almost fully recovered, it is still taking time to get back to where I was before the fall. Andy keeps reminding me, "One small step at a time" and encourages me to walk a little bit further every day. 

At this time of year, there are people I miss, not just those family and friends who live too far away but also those who have already left this earth, including Dave. When I hear Christmas carols, "Walking in a winter wonderland", when I hear snatches of the commentators of the Rose Bowl parade, it takes me back to my home in Washington State and all what I was able to experience as Dave's wife. It wasn't easy being in a different country to what I was used to, learning a different style of life and sometimes a different way of thinking, but it was part of loving and being married to Dave.

Andy and I are thinking about moving house which means we will have to do some culling of our stuff. Not that either of us have that much since we both have moved around and only moved here a less than two years ago. I thought of the things I have that are associated with my life with Dave and mentioned them to Andy. He reminded me that those things are still important and worth keeping because they're a part of who I am. On the other hand, I know that those things can be gone but I will still have the memories. Both of us don't want the effort, financial cost and time it will take to move again but we know it will be for the best. If we can find somewhere a little bit cheaper and a little bit closer to my work, it will make it easier for us to save in order to buy our own place one day. 

Today we went shopping, just to get out of the house. We went to Officeworks since I haven't been there for quite a few months. I bought a new folder and notebook ready for my uni studies this year which was a little bit exciting. Now that I am more than halfway through, with only 3 subjects to go, I can see the certificate at the end plus, it has been interesting and enjoyable learning even when it's been hard work. I will do one subject in the first half of this year, another in the second half and then the last subject I will do in 2016 and then I will be finished! Andy talks about me doing more study after that, perhaps a doctorate or something, but that's not going to happen, especially not in the near future. I don't know what doors having this extra qualification will open for me but already it has helped me in my understanding of others. 

The other things I did was buy an external hard drive to put all my photos and documents on to so that if this laptop decides to crash and not work anymore, I still have all those other important things. It also might make the laptop last a bit longer and work a bit faster as I deleted what I don't need, off it. I have been concerned that if anything happened to this laptop, I did not want to lose the photos that I've added over the years.

In ten days time, Andy and I will have been married for one year. It's been a good year of marriage. Although, or rather because, Andy has not been married before, he has a desire to learn and do what is right. I had to tell him the other day that if we disagree, that is not always a bad thing and it does not also mean it's his fault either. Sometimes I make mistakes and do the wrong thing. He told friends last week that he has made 'every mistake in the book' and I definitely disagreed with him about that. He has a good heart and loves me. He wants me to be happy and will do what he can to ensure that. He is protective of me and takes time to be with me. He is not perfect but as I remind him, neither am I. 

We're going to go away for a couple nights to the beach and go to a show that we went to on one of our first dates. We have got a special cake for our anniversary as we didn't keep any of our wedding cake. It's spectacular! Of course I will take plenty of photos on this auspicious occasion. 

I am looking forward to the year ahead. We started off the year with good friends, having breakfast with them on the first day of 2015. It was very relaxing and casual. Andy and another friend climbed the hill at the back with Milly and our friend took lovely photos while they were up there. I went outside to show another friend the hill, and we saw them at the top of the hill because Andy was wearing a fluorescent shirt. 

One of the highlights for me, was a dutch friend bringing Oliebollens which is a traditional New Year's treat, that he had freshly baked that morning. It was such a surprise! I had thought of calling and asking him to bring some but then thought that might be a bit presumptuous of me. When he handed me the dish full of them, I was so excited. He said, "I thought you might like these. It might have been a while since you've had them." It brought back good memories of my Aussie-Dutch friends down south and the times I've spent with them. None of my other friends present had known it was a dutch tradition and when John left a few with me, my friend Jane offered to take a couple. As much as she and I are good friends, this was a line I insisted on drawing. 

When our friends had gone home, Andy and I both remarked on what a good morning/afternoon it had been. We are so thankful for the friends God has given us, both here and further away. We look forward to growing the friendships we've been blessed to have, as well as growing in our love and friendship with each other over 2015.

New Year's Eve 2014

Life Is Full of Better and Worse. :)

Nearly a month later than my last post and only a week to Christmas - time sure does fly whether one is having fun or not. This week has full of dramas, anxiety and yet, as a friend going through a hard time wrote to me, "God is so good to us." As I woke up this morning, I thought, "Yay! Saturday! The week is almost over." I haven't thought that way in a long time. The week has been full of worldly tragedies - a hostage situation in Sydney Australia, over 100 children killed at a school in the Taliban and a mother stabbing her 7 children and a niece in north Queensland. Horror stories of people who kill innocent victims. Then we deal with our own issues and challenges in life and remember only vaguely, that we have a lot to be thankful for. 

Earlier this week, I woke up and Andy was watching me with a smile on his face and I thought how sweet, even romantic. When I mentioned it to him that he looked happy, he commented that he enjoys playing tennis which was where he was going. I told him that killed the romantic thought I was having and he added, "But you did look cute while you were sleeping." He has taken such good care of me while I've been injured. When I get frustrated about my lack of energy and ability to do what I usually could do, he reminds me that it's been a challenging year and that my fall hasn't helped things. He reassures me that I can only take small steps and not expect to be 100% in a short space of time. 

Last week, he went camping for the first time with me even though he didn't expect to enjoy it. He met people from around the world and was in his element chatting with them about their country's sport. The first full day we were there, we went for a walk along the beach, he went running on sand dunes and we both went body boarding in the surf. I was excited that the first wave I caught, I rode into shore - it was the best wave I had ever caught. After a couple more waves, I went and sat on the shore to rest and watched Andy catch a few waves, then talk to a couple from England. After dinner that night, we talked with a couple who had a camping trailer and they loaned us some sand pegs to keep our tent more secure in the strong winds however, that didn't help when the thunderstorms and heavy downpour went on all night. The next morning, we watched the other couple pack up, then we decided to pack up in the rain too. There was no sense hanging around in the tent for the next couple of days. We loved the place and hope to go back there some other time. In our tent. Andy says he hates camping but he keeps saying, "We need to get.. for when we go camping... next time." It was good to put the camping stuff away today.

Anyway, this week took a downhill slide when I received an 'excess' water bill from the property manger (pm) which was for almost $2,000 and said that we use up to 3,000 litres a day. I emailed the pm and she said that she can not find a record of a leaking tap so therefore we had to pay it. She had told Andy just before my fall that the water bill was not a leaking tap and must be a broken pipe and that she would have it investigated but she didn't do that. I called the RTA (a tenancy authority) and they scoffed at her comments and said it is obviously a broken pipe and that we should not pay it as it's the landlord's responsibility to have maintenance done on the property, not ours. They told me to email the pm and let her know we wouldn't be paying and that we had spoken to them. Also, while I was on the phone to them, I made sure the water was all off and checked the meter which was still ticking over as though there was water being used.

Later on, I was talking with a friend who is also a pm for another company and she encouraged me to contact the owners/landlord in case the lazy pm hadn't done so. I couldn't find the phone number so went to her place of work and she was off sick. I left a message with her and she called today when we were unable to answer the phone and her comment was it was the first she heard of it. She is not going to be happy when she finds out about the bill and that the pm hadn't notified her as soon as she could.

Last night we were watching TV when a car drove up our bumpy driveway and there was a loud knock on our door. Andy went to the door and called out "Who's there?" but no one was there. Before he opened the door, I heard giggling and the car drove off. It was a bunch of kids probably but it was still a little bit scary. We often keep the front door open as we don't have a screen door and we need to let air in but now Andy is willing to shut and lock the front door.

This morning at about 7:30am, I heard the back gate open and close and I stood up on the bed/pillow to look outside the window that was high up. I saw the neighbour's son and another boy go back and sit down at their patio table and chairs. He came over later and explained to Andy that Milly had tried getting out so they'd put some bricks near the fence. Of course Milly tried getting out - there were guys there and she wanted some attention. When people walk past our side fence with their dogs, she barks and runs to the fence and they pat her and tell her she's gorgeous. When that car came last night, there was no barking from Milly. She's not a guard dog.

Andy and I are looking for ways of saving and I changed my phone plan to a prepaid account which is $20 less per month. When I checked after making a payment, it said I only had $5 credit. As we drove off to our friends' place for lunch I had a minor melt-down. I said to Andy that it doesn't seem fair that even when I do the right thing, it goes wrong and that even when I make an extra effort to get ahead, it doesn't work. It's not fair! While we were at our friends' place, we called the phone company and the text message was badly worded which means that $5 credit is if I want to call overseas for 4c per minute. Whew!

We had a lovely time at our friends' place, chatting, eating chocolate, putting things in order as J and I both "have a little bit of Monk in us" as Dave would say. I put all the chocolates (box of Favourites) in alphabetical order and J ate the one that looked out of place. When we came home, I turned on a Christmas CD and wrapped up Andy's Christmas presents and put them away again. We don't have the tree up yet. Hopefully that will be put up tomorrow. The Christmas CD is still playing as I write this. 

Yes, it's been a challenging year but at the same time, there is a lot to be thankful for and the blessings far outweigh the trials. I'm alive. I am loved. I have all that I need and more besides. It sounds like a cliche and yet is is spoken from my heart. A friend put this on my FB page and as I thought it so appropriate, I'm sharing it with you, too. 

Two Weeks Ago

This time two weeks ago I was lying on a hospital bed being subjected to tests on my brain and checking for internal injuries/bleeding while Andy stayed close by answering questions I was firing at him about why I was even in hospital. Not that I recall that time but that's what I've been told was happening. I don't remember at all. I think that I woke up and started remembering/ being coherent at about 10:30 that night, five or six hours after I had somehow fallen off my horse. We might not ever know what happened back then. A week after the fall, I went back to work for three days and by Wednesday knew something was not right. I was struggling with moving around, I was emotional and I felt like I couldn't cope with the school day ahead. I made a doctor's appointment for that afternoon to get a second opinion. That doctor was surprised I was at work and gave me the rest of the week off as well as this week. He said I should be feeling better by the end of this week. He explained about my "post concussion cerebral dysfunction" and said I could not drive, work, ride horses or do any other physical &/or sporting activity. He was actually relieved to know that I hadn't been driving.

So, here I am two weeks later. The physical injuries I suffered which I feel didn't get any recognition from the doctor due to the concussion being the focal point, was pain in the left side, especially groin, chest and upper back area. The hospital doctor did say I would feel like I'd been hit by a Mack truck and not having been hit by one, I assume I now know what it feels like. I have been using a walking stick to get around when Andy's not around but today I didn't need it which was encouraging. The pain has lessened but I still get quite tired which is frustrating.

 For example, today I wanted to show Andy how easy it was to put up a pop-up speed tent and fold one up, which can be done in less than two minutes but when I tried to fold it up, I couldn't do it. I had to go and sit down because I was exhausted. The reason I was showing him is because I used a 2-man one on my road trip at the start of 2013 and since an Anaconda store is opening up this weekend with sales, I was thinking that maybe we could get a 3-man tent.


Before I fell off the horse, I was thinking about us moving. This house is very hot especially as we are experiencing the worst heat wave in about 8 or so years. These last couple of weeks have been around the late 30's Celsius which is close to 100 Fahrenheit and it isn't even summer, yet! There is no air conditioner in this place and it's only in the last couple months that we got screens put on the windows. The landlords do little to upkeep the home despite repeated calls from the real estate of which there is a thick file of evidence to prove the landlords are not responsive. We pay quite a bit of rent for 3/4 acre and an old, three bedroom house, but it sometimes gets too much when little things that need to be done, aren't done. After talking about it with Andy, the advantages and disadvantages, we decided that we need to stay put for a bit longer and see what happens early next year.

I was talking to someone recently about a decision I had made and they commented that since I was in the throes of concussion, I wasn't thinking rationally. I tried to explain that it was something I had been thinking about before the fall but I was a little put out by their condescension. I don't make hasty decisions and I do think things out thoroughly but this time I also included Andy in the process, duh. Oh well. They don't know me well.

I got my assignment result back today for the Uni subject I just completed and passed. I did well despite the negative comments the marker wrote. I was disappointed by the comments but pleased with the result.

Andy and I will probably stick around here at Christmas time rather than go on a planned vacation. We are still thinking of may be doing a road trip - hence the speed tent for a Christmas present. Andy has been taking good care of Milly and me. He gives her plenty of cold water and hoses her down to make sure she stays cool in this heat. He baked me a banana, choc-chip cake which was very delicious and as he ate the last piece of it, baked another one. I've had friends come around to visit which is also a good thing because I get bored. I know I should probably work on school report cards but I'm not sure I would make a lot of sense anyhow. It would be really nice if I was 100% again but as Andy pointed out tonight, it was only two weeks ago I was lying on a hospital bed unaware of my surroundings.Andy just asked me, "What are you doing?" and when I said I was writing a blog post he said, "I have no idea what that means but it sounds impressive." (It is easy for me to impress him.)

Today I was thinking that if I wrote my autobiography or even if someone wrote it for me, it could be called, "A Lifetime of New Beginnings" because sometimes it seems like I am not even in one place for a year before it's time to start a new beginning elsewhere. (It's probably just the concussion thinking like that. lol )  So that's it until the next blog post next time which by then, I will hopefully be on holidays relaxing near water and having fun!

Fallen

So, in case you haven't heard, I fell off my horse last Monday - 4 days ago and have had all the rest of the week off work. Mainly because I can't work, I can barely walk and for most of the week have slept. I don't know what happened because I can't remember. The last thing I remember was saying to Leah that I would go down to the paddock and wait for her there. I don't even remember riding away from her. People have asked me questions such as:

• Was the horse going fast?
• Had you been riding for long that day?
• Did the horse spook?

I had bad concussion and I don't remember. Before I had gone to my friends' place to ride, I had picked up Andy and Milly who had been out walking and had seen a big snake. Snakes are out in full force and there's been quite a few cases of people being bitten and having to go to hospital. Nine of the ten most venomous snakes live in Australia so people don't hang around to find out whether the snake they see is one of those or not. It's still only Spring and it's really  hot and dry here. The weekend is supposed to get temperatures such as 40 Celsius (104 F) and not vary much in the coming week. Andy was letting Milly go swimming in the creek but with all the talk of snakes, he's keeping Milly on dry ground.

Monday I fell off my horse Lucky, at about 5pmish. Andy was  playing with Milly and Lilly (our friends' dog who is also a black Lab) and he saw Lucky go back up to the paddock riderless. He ran down and saw me lying on my side very still and after checking for my pulse, called out for an ambulance which was there very quickly. Meanwhile, Lucky had gone to where Leah was saddling up Melody and he turned to go back to me expecting Leah to follow. When Leah got there, John (Leah's dad) gave Andy his phone to speak to the guys who were coming with the ambulance. Leah said I was talking and asking questions but my eyes were flickering all over the place and I didn't know who John was.

The ambulance took me away and Andy went in the other ambulance. He was the only one allowed near me in the hospital. They gave him a chair and got him to answer all the questions I was asking while they tested me for internal bleeding and head injuries. Andy said that I told them I was feeling like throwing up but they had already given me all they could for nausea. All the tests were clear. They kept me in overnight for observation and every two hours asked me where I was, what had happened, took my blood pressure, temperature etc. I started becoming coherent at about 10:30 that night just before Andy left. By morning, I was allowed to go home. I felt every bump. I talked to Nathan on the phone and he said I didn't sound 'normal'. I still find it difficult to get around. I hold on to the walls or Andy. He is being very good and won't leave me for long periods of time. He gets me whatever I want/need which isn't much yet.

Leah was quite distressed on Monday night as she had seen her teacher lying very still on the ground and wasn't allowed to see me even though they waited at the hospital. She came with her parents to visit us on Wednesday night. Jane's boys were also upset but she brought them and her husband out to see us last night (Thursday). I went to see the doctor yesterday and thought of dropping in to see my students on the way home but I don't have the energy or the physical capacity to walk that far. I should be back at work on Monday. I have fluid retention which is obvious in my legs, face and feet which is annoying. My left side hurts the most - upper back/shoulder blade, upper part of my legs.

Mostly I have just been sleeping when we haven't had visitors. Today is the first day I have spent any time on the computer and I managed to read a couple chapters of a book. I have been up for about four hours now as we had our neighbor friends drop over but I am ready for bed again.

In the back of my mind, I remember that only 4 years ago, almost to the day, Dave was admitted to hospital when he fell off a horse. I know the circumstances were different and his fall caused the pulmonary embolism to his lungs from which he passed away less than 10 months later but these are still thoughts that enter my mind.

As for me, I am planning to ride again... I think. I know that it hasn't put me off riding but I also know that I will probably be tentative at first and not trust Lucky as much as I once did. Was he spooked by a snake? I don't know. The last time I had ridden him, he had kept pulling in the other direction and I had kept making him go where I wanted him to go until he was doing what I wanted. This is the first time I have fallen off a horse as an adult and I know that my friends who ride often, talk about their falls as being relatively common. Well, no matter what, guess I won't be riding again until I can walk and even run again. I won't be able to play netball on Tuesday and highly unlikely I'll be able to play squash on Wednesday.

It's report writing time and I handed in my last uni assignment two weeks ago so at least study is out of the way. It's almost the end of the school year and then we have a few weeks of summer to enjoy before the new year begins. So far, we have made no plans but both of us want to spend time at the coast, soaking in the sea, ducking under waves and even collecting shells. But first, let me just walk again without needing help.

Just out of hospital - less than 24 hrs after the fall,
holding my wrist hospital band.