Thursday, January 2, 2020

ABIDE

Just before the new year began, I completed a short quiz with multiple choice questions to learn of my 'word for the year'. I was skeptical about the simple choices and when I was given the word 'abide' I was disappointed. I wanted a word with fire, a word that would motivate me and encourage me. Words such as 'courage' or 'joy' or 'endurance'. After all, at the moment I am in a place of uncertainty, without a job and without being able to be settled, yet I want security and to be able to get on with living life to its fullest.

But the more I thought about the word, the more I liked it. Abide suggests an acceptance of 'circumstances' and being at peace through that time. I thought of the Bible verse, "If you abide (remain) in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7 I am not naive to believe that this means I can make up a wish list and that Santa Clause will give me all that I want but I do believe that at this time, (or any time for that matter) I need to remember that no matter what I am going through, I need to 'abide'.

When I go to open a packet/box of biscuits, cereal or other food and I read the words, "Open other end", I turn the box over and open at the 'right end'. Rarely do I 'rebel' and open the box the wrong way, so when I am given a word for the year, I take it on board. I looked up the word 'abide' in the dictionary and it said:
  • to remain, continue, stay
  • to endure, sustain or withstand without yielding or submitting
  • to wait for, await
  • to remain steadfast or faithful to; keep
That definition seems perfect for me, so "ABIDE" is my word for 2020.

As I look ahead from my present, I have no certainty of where I will be even at the end of this month. However, in this present, I need to abide. 

While I am waiting, my intention is to make the most of every day and get myself in order. I am not one who makes New Years resolutions, instead I resolve to keep moving forward. Therefore:
I am going to be healthier and walk every day. My resolve is to walk 10,000 steps daily and to meet the goal of walking 2020kms in 2020. 
I am going to write more often and write in my journal, daily. I may even write more at this blog or at my "Horses, teaching and other important things" blogsite. I might even begin to write the children's novel that I have always spoken about.
Perhaps I will take on another course. Andy has always laughingly suggested that I will take on more study....

Sadly, at the end of last year, only a couple weeks ago, my nephew passed away from a rare stroke. He had only just turned 19 and yet he had lived each day serving and loving others. None of us can control the amount of days we live but we can determine how we will live out those days.


ABIDE
Blessed is the one whose delight is in the Law of the Lord..
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither -- whatever they do prospers.
    

Thursday, October 3, 2019

The In-Between Space

Recently I read of the term "Liminal space" which is used to describe the in-between space: 

"The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, and not knowing." 


Ocean rafting & snorkelling before we left.
This aptly describes where Andy and I have been for much of this year. So much has happened that I don't know where to start. I've tried a number of 'starts' but then it gets bogged down into too much information and too many emotions to try and address it in an objective way. Suffice to say, we needed to move out of an environment that was causing too much distress, the truth was being strangled out by selfish ambition and in order to maintain our integrity, we believed it was important for us to take a big, unpredictable, life-changing step, forward.


Recently I read another quote that appealed to me: What God does in us while we wait, is as important as what it is we are waiting for. 

While we have been in our liminal space, I have caught up and renewed friendships with family and friends, we have moved back to our 'home state' and I have been teaching in a non-composite class. We have grieved our losses, the friends who betrayed us and/or abandoned us, and we have also had to deal with our anger at being treated unjustly. But in the midst of all this, once again I recognise the many blessings and even the Lord's hand in protecting us from what could have been more 'damaging' to our wellbeing and finances.
So, let's skip over to this crazy week of school holidays. Last Monday, I rode and fell off my horse, Boston - if you want to know more about it, head over to the blog post on Falling Off A horse at my "Horses, Teaching and Other Important Things" blogspot. Anyway, apart from being a bit sore around my neck and shoulders, ribs, I knew that I hadn't broken anything.


(Oh I do need to put in an aside paragraph here: In late May, Andy wanted to ride with my friend Jamie and I, and he ended up falling off a horse, breaking 4 ribs and his left clavicle. Being of an older age, he is taking a longer time to heal and may need an operation to re-break his clavicle and set it again. He has an appointment on Monday to find out. Meanwhile, he has also not acclimatized well to the colder and different germs down here and has had a number of colds. Then, to add insult to injury, his right shoulder began to give him more pain. He went to the doctor who informed him that due to his labouring years, he now has a degenerative condition in his neck/vertebrae etc.) 

The day after my fall, we went and picked up my pushbike which had been serviced and had needed a number of spokes replaced. Even though I felt a bit sore, I could not resist taking my bike and riding around for a bit. There are plenty of places to ride around here and I was looking forward to getting back on my bike. At least my bike wouldn't be getting an attitude and tossing me. I saw a few magpies but none swooped me so I made it safely home. We also put Andy's bike into be serviced. He used to ride around a lot but hadn't ridden in the last few years. 

On Wednesday morning, of course I was still aching but then I looked in the mirror and noticed a round bruise on my stomach, about 10cm in diameter. Horrified, I wondered what damage I had done to cause it. I knew I had fallen on my back, or my butt as my brother had described it and I knew I had sort of rolled on to the ground off my horse so I wondered how I could have gotten a bruise there. As I showered, I also felt a bit faint so I made an appointment at the doctor's so it could be written off as "nothing to worry about", just all the normal aches and pains caused by falling off a horse.

The doctor ordered a CT scan concerned I may have ruptured a spleen or done damage to my neck and while I waited for it, again I felt faint and sick and had to lie down. I assume it was the shock and the heat of the surgery that caused this feeling but it got their attention and the CT scan was done. A different doctor came in with the report and said the good news was that the aches and pains were due to the fall and nothing broken or cracked etc. While we were waiting for the doctor, Andy and I figured out that the bruise was due to the horn of the saddle - as I was being tossed around by Boston, it would have prodded me. The doctor confirmed that would be right, as the bruise had the imprint of the saddle horn, although he admitted that being a city bloke, he had not thought of that.

Anyway, the CT scan also noted that I have a gall stone, about 10mm in size, which the doctor said, is quite large. It explains why I had such an adverse reaction to the last time I ate pork belly and why I've been having stomach pains. I'd put it down to stress and/or adjusting to new germs/climate, not wanting to admit to anything more sinister. I had not admitted it to Andy and he was right when he rebuked me gently, about keeping him informed about such things. The doctor has told me I will need an operation but he thinks it can wait until the end of the school year. I will see him tomorrow for more information.

We got home and I must admit I was relieved for a number of reasons already recorded here. I sat down in the recliner and Andy began cooking dinner. Now, we have 2 smoke alarms in our house. One at the front end of the house, the other at the back end of the hall and the kitchen is off the middle of the house. The smoke alarms are loud and piercing and when they go off, Milly runs out of the house and hides in the bushes in the garden. We had visitors a month or so ago and the smoke alarms went off then. Just a hint of smoke sets the alarms off. To stop them, we have to wave teatowels at them.

As Andy checked the roast, the smoke alarms went off and Milly ran out. Andy waved a cloth at the one near the front door and I went to the one at the back. The alarms stopped and we went back to doing what we had been doing. Then it happened again and we repeated our response. And again it happened. This was getting beyond a joke. When it happened the fourth time, Andy came up to the same smoke alarm as me and I snapped at him and said he needed to be at the front smoke alarm because I couldn't be in both places at the same time. He admitted he had burnt his thumb and index finger on his right hand so I sent him back to soak it in cold water and eventually the smoke alarms stopped and no fire engines came. 

I served up the dinner while Andy soaked his thumb and finger in cold water and had a couple of Panadol. We knew not to break the blister and not to put ice on it but as the pain didn't go away, we decided to head back to the medical centre where there was a chemist. She sent us up to the doctor on 'emergency', up to the same floor and the same doctor that I had seen a few hours earlier. Dr Tom prescribed cream for it and the nurse applied the cream and bandage and the doctor asked Andy to come back and see him in a couple days time. We went down to reception and made his appointment to be the one just before mine. 

So, it's been a crazy week but despite that, it's something we can look back on and not only learn from, but also laugh at. Laugh at it's absurdity! 

I do want to state again that there have certainly been good times throughout all of this bad stuff too. We have great friends who support, encourage and have fun with us, I have a job at a great school until the end of this year, we have a home for Boston with my brother, where Boston is thriving, Milly is happy, runs around in our large backyard and plays with other family members' dogs, and we are feeling more settled than we have in a while. We want to put down roots and have something permanent and we do feel (hope) that we are coming to the end of our liminal space. We know that God has provided for all our needs up until now and we know that there is no reason to believe that He won't in 2020.  

Tomorrow we are going to the beach to have our car registration and our licences changed into this state. We have unpacked a few more boxes over the holidays and I have found more teaching resources and things that I will be able to use next term. 

To top off the week, daylight savings starts on Sunday. The downside is we lose an hour of sleep the night before I go back to work but the upside is, we get longer daylight to play with when I get home from work. We didn't have daylight savings when we lived in Queensland and both of us missed it!

So, no matter what space we are in, no matter what we are going through, joys and trials, God is good. All. The. Time.  

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Chapters End and New Chapters Begin.

Good evening. As I sit here writing, the sun has set, dogs are barking but the kookaburras are sleeping. Next door, a family are swimming in their pool and the night noises of the curlew, cicadas and frogs might be heard, if all else was silent. It has been more than a year since I last posted and as much has happened since then, I will just give you some of the highlights. 

We continue to live and work in North Queensland and just like any other chapter in our lives, it has had its challenges and its blessings.


 I have completed my Masters of Education, majoring in Counselling and Guidance and in my role as a teacher and leader at the school, I find many opportunities to use what I have learned. It is was a very interesting and practical course. 
Having finished one avenue of study, Andy wondered if I would start another course and almost 'won the bet' when I considered studying how to become a better writer. I enrolled in a writer's group that sends weekly emails about courses in writing but also gives motivational hints on how to write, so I've decided that is enough for now.

This year I had the privilege of teaching a grade 5/6 class and have been very happy with how my students have gone and privileged at watching them grow. They are good reminders of why I began teaching many, many years ago and why I am still in the education field. I think, one day, it might be nice to teach a straight class rather than a multi-age class but as I've never taught just one year level, I don't really know. 


 Last year, Andy and I went sailing for a 2 day-2 night yacht cruise with a tourist company which involved snorkelling in the Great Barier Reef, walking on the very white sands of Whitehaven Beach and sleeping in a small cabin. I've discovered that I love snorkelling! It's like swimming in a real-life aquarium and is so relaxing and beautiful.

Christmas last year we went to Melbourne and caught up with friends and family, having a late Christmas dinner with my favourite son and his wife, as well. We went to the Vic market and had hot jam donuts (the best!), a Boxing Day sale with friends, travelled on a train from the city to the country, saw the New Years Eve celebration in Melbourne from a shopping centre carpark after just watching "The Greatest Showman" and flew back refreshed to begin a new year here.


Every now and again, I walk with my friend early on a Wednesday morning before I go to work. The view is often the same and each time I look for the 'perfect photo' but they all turn out so pretty! I also walk with Andy and one time during 'winter', I also took photos but again, not much different to every other day. The only thing that really changes, is the humidity! During summer, the humidity is sticky and hot. The other thing about summer, is the watch for cyclones begins. There was a cyclone earlier this year, but after the impact of Cyclone Debbie, it felt quite insignificant. Having said that, as we prepared for it, the anxiety and trauma of cyclone Debbie resurfaced too. We all breathed a sigh of relief when this one didn't turn out so bad.

Just before we went away in July, 2 of our work friends came to visit Andy with a dryer. Andy, who rarely wears thongs (flip flops) but on this occasion did not put his workboots on, was helping lift it into our house, when it fell on his toe. Mike looked down at his toe and the trail of blood, and promptly told him he needed to see the doctor. I took him off to emergency and he had 8 stitches in his big toe. Lucky he has big feet or the toe might have been amputated! The cutting of his toe gave the principal the opportunity to tell more 'dad jokes' than usual. It was toe-taly unexpected.


 In July this year, we went to visit our friends from Toowoomba, celebrating a friend's birthday, shopping together, eating at great places, talking, laughing and just enjoying being with people we love. To top the trip off, we went riding with one of our friends and ended up coming back with our two horses. Well, actually, they didn't come back with us, they came up via truck a few weeks later. 


   Boston, my horse is a 5 year old, cob x welsh gelding just over 15hh. He loves attention and can be a bit stubborn at times but he is one very good-looking horse! Andy's horse is a 20 year old quarterhorse mare. Image is sweet-tempered and very stable and especially these last few weeks, she and Andy have really bonded. She has developed a yeast/skin infection, so Andy has to go out and wash her 2 or 3 times a week. We agist the horses out of town but are trying to find a place where we can live and have the horses with us.
At the moment, it is very dry here and areas are in drought. We had a shower of rain early this morning but need so much more. 


Just recently, Nathan and Mel came to visit for the weekend. It was a packed weekend as we visited a wildlife farm, hung out at the local 'watering hole' and spent a day exploring the Whitsundays, again including snorkelling. It was so good to spend time with them and make some more special memories, but all too soon it was over so we said goodbye until the next time - let's hope it is soon.

So, as we head towards Christmas, we have the school Awards ceremony, break-up parties and celebrations. Looking back and looking forward, there is so much to be thankful for. Even where there is brokenness, there is hope, where there is ugliness of evil, there is beauty in our surroundings, where there can be feelings of being unsettled, I know I am also loved by family and friends who hold me close, encourage me and laugh with  me.

I am thankful that, no matter what the circumstances, I am very blessed!



P.S. This may be my last post for this blog "The Garden Trail". I have ideas for a different style one which I am going to call, "Horses, Teaching and Other Important Things". So, I will still be writing and it will still be personal but it will also be from a 'professional' point of view too, in order to help friends and family with issues they may be struggling with. When I finally get it up and running, you'll find a link here at this webpage, too. 

Monday, April 3, 2017

When it hit me

When it finally hit me, we had been out shopping and I had bought a cold diet coke and been given two free bags of ice from a local supermarket. Everywhere we drove, there were trees and fences down, trees standing bare without their leaves, people out moving branches and devastation. I looked up the word, "Devastation" in the dictionary and it didn't seem to really portray what I meant. Synonyms for it include: noun destruction
That about sums it up. I went into my room and was silent, shedding a few tears for about an hour. I compared it to my losses of the past but they are all unique and pain can't be measured or compared. I no longer want to upload or take photos of the destruction the cyclone caused. 

As with others who go through trauma of any sort, it reminds us to appreciate what we have and to love the people who are in your life. We went to a friend's place to help them out and as they had a generator, I was able to have a hot shower and wash my hair. I told her later, it was the best gift anyone could give me.

A week later, we are still without power but we do have running water and as we have bottled gas, we can have hot showers at home. People around us have generators and at night, these are noisy but in the long run, it doesn't matter. The community are rallying around each other and offering support where they can, as it happens in most towns unified by a common traumatic event. There are stories of hope and unfortunately there are stories of scumbags. That is the world we live in. 

As with any trauma, it is important to keep moving forward, find the blessings that give hope and deal with it in your own time without feeling you have to succumb to a time line or force a smile on your face because someone said you should. Acknowledge your pain, have a cry if you need to but keep moving forward. Find a friend you trust and who loves you enough to give you that 'slap across the face' (not literally) if need be and then gives you a hug and chocolate and says, "I love you". Cry if you want to. Go out and move a few trees or branches from the yard. Run and burn off energy. Do what you need to do in order to get through to the other side of pain so you can live life again.

After the Cyclone - Part 3

The day after the cyclone was Wednesday and that night, there was a thunderstorm. We’re not talking about a thunderstorm where there’s a little bit of thunder and lightning, we’re talking about a thunderstorm that doesn’t stop for a few hours and lightning that keeps flashing as though someone had a spotlight and kept peering into our house.In fact, that night there was a metre of rain - that's 1,000 ml of rain!!! Most people think 100ml of rain is a lot! Milly retreated to her safe place in the laundry and coped less with the thunderstorm than she had with the cyclone. I must admit that I was ‘over’ everything when the thunderstorm arrived. It was as though, “Seriously?! We have to have more of this?!”

We woke up to rain, no water, no power, no phone, internet service but we heard that there was one supermarket out of 3 that was operational and headed down there, as did most of the town. The queues were aisles long and there wasn’t much in the way of water and long life milk for sale. We bought pears and apples and cold diet coke! Yay. I had been drinking water to that point because I don’t like warm coke but Andy has a caffeine addiction so had been drinking warm coke zero as well as water. We stopped in at Matt’s and he gave us a bag of ice which was gratefully received.

After we had unpacked the very few staples we had bought, we walked to Matt and Lauren’s as their road had become a main thoroughfare since the main road was blocked off due to fallen trees or road damage after the cyclone. I walked a bit behind Andy and was able to see the “Dog man walking” in action. He waved constantly to cars who were waving or tooting at him, big smiles on their faces! It was like watching Santa Clause in action. By the time we arrived at Matt’s, we were drenched in sweat. It was so hot and humid! I found out we had phone access and I texted the 20 or so people who had been trying to contact me and caught people up on Facebook, with a state we were in.

Someone who had been through cyclones up here before, said it was the worst they’d ever experienced. Someone else said that unless you’d been through it, you can not begin to understand what it was like. A friend messaged me and shared with me her feeling of despair and pain and when I offered to meet with her, she came immediately. We had a wonderful time of sharing stories and when she left, she reassured me she felt encouraged.

Andy came home after helping someone move tree stumps and wondered how I was coping. I reassured him that I was fine and although he smiled and said that was good, in his mind he was wondering when it would ‘hit me’. 

Cyclone Part 2

As darkness falls over the ‘wasteland’ for that is what it seems now in some respects, we feel as though we are shell shocked. From our home, we can see houses and roads that had been previously blocked off by trees and today we went for a little drive to get out of the house and to catch up with some friends. Roads were blocked by trees and at the end of our road, a tree has fallen on to powerlines. It gets darker and there are no street lights and only a few homes that have generator-run lights.

There are no man-made noises of TVs and every now and again, I hear a kookaburra laugh which surprises me but gives me hope. I sent Andy off to run with Milly up the street and burn off some energy. We went to visit some friends and they kindly gave me their phone so I could message Nathan and tell him how I was. It’s at times like this, that one misses their family and I asked him to message my dad and put an update on Facebook. I went around to another friend’s place and she showed me what family and friends had put on Facebook and that gave me a link to them too. She took a photo of Milly so that people could see Milly was doing OK. She has a generator so it was good to wash hands, flush a toilet and be given some cold water and food.

When we came home, there were warnings of a thunderstorm approaching. I took out my guitar to practise and keep toughening up my fingers on the steel strings. After playing the scales through E to G, 2 octaves and a bit, I practised a few chord changes. Playing minor chords was a reflection of my mood. The cyclone has been nerve-wracking. No phone or internet reminds me of how dependent I am on technology to keep in touch with my family so even though I don’t always talk with them every day, when I ‘can’t’ talk to them, I feel isolated apart from them.

I want to be reconnected to power and phone/internet. As I write this, the thunder rolls and aware that the battery on this is getting lower, I know I should cease my writing and wait until tomorrow. We are on school holidays a week early but in some ways, it’s not as liberating as it would have been next week. I suggested to Andy that we leave and go away now but we have no idea if we can get out. It’s highly unlikely due to floods and who know if there would be trees across the road and how far ‘away’ we could get. Should we be here anyway, until the power comes back on – which could be another week?!

So darkness has almost completely come but there aren’t any stars shining right now because of cloud cover. I’ve caught up with a few friends around here but I still wonder about how others are coping. When we were at Matt’s place, their 2-week old baby was sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of the stuff we are going through.


Morning will come and with it, we will see what the new day will bring.

My First Cyclone

The next few posts will be what I wrote during and after I experienced/survived my first cyclone. The cyclone was category 4 and unless you have been through one, you have no idea how it feels, despite what the photos and Wikipedia say. The aftermath, is one of devastation and although there are glimmers of hope to follow, there is the constant reminder of pain and loss all around. I did take photos and videos but at the moment, I am not comfortable about sharing them here. There's plenty to see on the internet.

Wed. 29th March, 2017
11:00am

A few days before it happened, we got wind of the news that a cyclone was expected. Being a tropical cyclone area, we knew this was always a possibility but what it really meant, we had yet to learn. We spoke to people who had been through cyclones before and we stocked up on water -  both for waste and water for drinking, canned and packet food, torches and batteries. We bought a couple extra torches and I dug out the camping stove I bought five years ago but had never used. I bought some gas cartridges for that, too. We filled up the car with petrol and got cash out in case of emergency.

At times, the atmosphere was excitement, in the form of ‘adventure’ but there was a lot of apprehension and trepidation. This cyclone was expected to be a category 4 but we were assured houses were built to survive category 5 cyclones. At the supermarket a day or two before, the air was electric as it was on everyone’s mind and evidenced in everyone’s trolley. People made plans to stay with friends but we chose to stay home. One of my reasons for this was I would be too worried about what was happening at home to enjoy being at someone else’s place.

At church on Sunday, everyone was talking about it. I had been putting cyclone preparation advice on Facebook when I received it and a couple people acknowledged that had helped them. One young lady though, admitted she had not read it until after she had gone shopping and bought a freezer full of meat. Those who had meat, cooked it up and put it in the freezer which would defrost in time for meals. At the last minute, Andy and our friend Matt came and took down the blades of the outdoor roof fan as we had heard that they can fly off and gouge windows/walls in a cyclone.

Monday came and the fact it was a day off work/school was not uppermost in my mind. “Have we prepared enough?” we wondered, as the rains and winds began. I ‘smashed a bunny’ (chocolate) and continued to put cyclone news and clips of what was happening around home on Facebook. By about 10 that night, we lost power so we went to bed. Andy slept fitfully but I slept well, waking up only a few times. The banging was constant and loud, winds blew and rain fell but when we woke up the next morning, the roof was still on, windows were still in place and we still had some phone reception and access to Facebook to let people know we were OK.

According to the radio, the cyclone wasn’t expected to hit land until 1pm so we went and dozed fitfully and at 12 noon, all was calm. We deduced from that, we were in the ‘eye’ of the storm despite it apparently not having hit land by then. Andy took Milly out to do her business and we found out we no longer had phone/internet access. We turned on our battery operated radio for regular cyclone updates as the wind and rain picked up and came from the other direction.

I taught Andy how to play the board game ‘Sorry’, practiced my guitar again, listened to the radio and tried to sleep. Andy said the only things he would add to preparation in future was: he would get ice for the cooler and would take rubbish to the dump as rubbish was supposed to be collected Tuesday. It’s in our shed at the moment and will probably be quiet smelly by the time it gets out of there. Ewww.

It’s not really a sound sleep when you are in the middle of a cyclone. There is relentless banging, constant uncertainty as to whether it will get worse or whether damage to the house could still occur and then Andy discovered the windows on the right side of the house that were more ‘exposed’, were letting water in at the base of it. He put towels at the base of the 3 windows and regularly changed them to dry towels as we prepared for another night’s sleep.

The next day (Wednesday) there was less rain and the wind had died down a little. We looked out our loungeroom window and saw houses we had never seen before although we knew they had been there. Visibility had increased with the trees that had blown over. We had no running water now either. No power. No phone/internet. No water. There was a knock at the door and our friend Matt had turned up in his car to check up on us. He messaged my son Nathan for me and I asked Nathan in the message to put it on Facebook that we were OK. While Matt was here, our friends Dan and Mel, their daughter and our mutual friend Mel H, also turned up to check up on us. It was nice to have contact with others. Both of them spoke of drastic damage done around the area, trees across the roads, roofs off and radio announcements told people to stay put and not go ‘sightseeing’. Matt said there were people taking photos all over the place.


Just listening to the news at 11am it said we are still susceptible to experiencing damaging winds and flash floods in the area. Having the radio on gives some link to the outside world and provides a small amount of relief when feeling so isolated. When the radio is off, the sounds of the wind crashing, trees creaking and chainsaws being used are all that I can hear. (Or Milly licking herself) I have thoughts of wondering when it will all be over and ‘behind us’ and we’ll have power, water and communication with the outside world again. I told Andy last night that someone ought to turn the cyclone button off. I am quite thankful that I am not a pioneer.