My Perspective When Grieving

I wanted to start this blog post with, "I wish Dave were here with me" but that goes without saying.  There was a song on the radio tonight that said, "And I miss you like the deserts miss the rain" and that of course got me to thinking about how much I miss him.... How I miss having someone who's going to be there for me, no matter what and when friends have all given as much as they can, having that one person who you are home with, who has vowed to be there through everything and who gives perspective.  I keep wanting to share with Dave, all the new things I'm seeing, the 'old' things that I am readjusting to and wanting him to experience it all with me.  When I worry, he used to know just what to say or do, to ease the worry in me, he used to know how to 'quiet' my racing mind and slow me down to a more reasonable, living pace.

Nathan dropped in this afternoon and he could tell that my mind was not 'quiet' and he did his best to put things in perspective for me.  It is great to have a son who is so 'tuned in' and so willing to love and support me.   It was lovely to spend the day with his girlfriend, Melanie today.  Melanie, Karen and I went for a ride, then later in the day, went for a walk into town and a stop at the bakery for a yummy passionfruit kiss.

Missing Dave and wishing he was here, makes me feel like I need him here.  I need him to be beside me, to share with me and to be with me.  I keep thinking "I need him" and then have to remind myself, if I really needed him, then God my Father would have kept him here, because He provides all I need.  In my heart, I know that God provides all I need, that He loves me more than I can imagine and I need to just rest in Him.  I read in a devotion book today that "she felt as if she were hanging on by her fingernails. Then she felt as if God reminded her that His hand of protection was there to hold her up-- that she could let go, and He would catch her..."  I guess I need to have that perspective, too.  That I can  just let go and He will catch me in His arms of love.

Treasures Stored Up

Karen assured me yesterday that the blue-tongue lizard I saw in the garden, means that there are no snakes in the garden.  She also told me that it wasn't a pumpkin patch, nor petunias and not even pansies.  They were big green leaves with little orange flowers although, when I was checking out that lizard, I wasn't paying close attention to the flowers.

It was a lovely day yesterday although a tad on the windy side and today it looks like it's going to be even windier.  I had planned to go riding with Karen and Melanie but I'm not so sure I want to tackle hills in this weather.  Perhaps I could convince them to drive to the beach for a walk there, or maybe go to Connells for a vanilla slice and diet coke.... Well they can have tea, but I'll stick to my diet coke.

The last few days I've walked to the shopping centre from here, twice each day.  Going there is fine but coming back, especially by the second time yesterday, I wasn't so sure that walking uphill is all that it's cut out to be.  However, with all the good home cooking Karen has been dishing up, walking a few miles every day is probably necessary.

Banking has been a problem.  Originally, I decided I would just take money out of the US account using an ATM, then deposit it into my Aussie account.  It limits how much I can take out at a time but it isn't as though I am in a hurry to get too much money.... Until I decided that I would really like to buy a car.  So I checked out other options.

My aussie bank said that I could do an online transfer.  I checked with my US bank and they said that I can't do an online transfer but that they could wire the money for a fee of $50 and any other fees that the Aussie bank imposed.  The US bank suggested I write a check (cheque) and that wouldn't have any fees with it from the US side.
My Aussie bank told me that a cheque would take 30 days to clear and have a $10 fee on their end. Thirty days???!!!  She explained that was so they could prove it wasn't fraudulent as it would have to include the US bank etc.  The Aussie bank also said that any wired money would take at least 3 business days to clear.

So I got the US bank to raise the amount I can withdraw and I will use 2 ATMs to transfer money across each day.  Ridiculous!

Yesterday I also sat down and wrote out a list of expenses and items so that I will have an idea of how much it's going to cost me to live for the next few months.  I did it with the thought that I will have a job at the beginning of the school year in 2012 and as though I would be moving into my own place by Dec 1st, 2011.  There are a couple of applications I have submitted that I am hopeful about but nothing is certain.  Until I have a job, I can not really make any definite plans as I need to be availabe for interviews.

Yesterday I was feeling a bit down and missing Dave so I went into my room, preparing to write Dan and Rhonda an email.  I turned on Skype and they were there, so I got to talk/see them which was even better!  Sometimes being on the other side of the world, not being able to do anything and help, is stressful.  On the weekend, my son Nathan reminded me that I was here so that I could move forward with my life and that I needed to let go and not stress.  It's not easy.  I am very thankful for the friends and family who are so supportive at this time.

I was reading my Bible yesterday and read, Matt. 6:20,21 "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  This life is temporal and I'm reminded of Mark Lowry's favourite verse, "And this too shall pass".