Monday, April 3, 2017

When it hit me

When it finally hit me, we had been out shopping and I had bought a cold diet coke and been given two free bags of ice from a local supermarket. Everywhere we drove, there were trees and fences down, trees standing bare without their leaves, people out moving branches and devastation. I looked up the word, "Devastation" in the dictionary and it didn't seem to really portray what I meant. Synonyms for it include: noun destruction
That about sums it up. I went into my room and was silent, shedding a few tears for about an hour. I compared it to my losses of the past but they are all unique and pain can't be measured or compared. I no longer want to upload or take photos of the destruction the cyclone caused. 

As with others who go through trauma of any sort, it reminds us to appreciate what we have and to love the people who are in your life. We went to a friend's place to help them out and as they had a generator, I was able to have a hot shower and wash my hair. I told her later, it was the best gift anyone could give me.

A week later, we are still without power but we do have running water and as we have bottled gas, we can have hot showers at home. People around us have generators and at night, these are noisy but in the long run, it doesn't matter. The community are rallying around each other and offering support where they can, as it happens in most towns unified by a common traumatic event. There are stories of hope and unfortunately there are stories of scumbags. That is the world we live in. 

As with any trauma, it is important to keep moving forward, find the blessings that give hope and deal with it in your own time without feeling you have to succumb to a time line or force a smile on your face because someone said you should. Acknowledge your pain, have a cry if you need to but keep moving forward. Find a friend you trust and who loves you enough to give you that 'slap across the face' (not literally) if need be and then gives you a hug and chocolate and says, "I love you". Cry if you want to. Go out and move a few trees or branches from the yard. Run and burn off energy. Do what you need to do in order to get through to the other side of pain so you can live life again.

After the Cyclone - Part 3

The day after the cyclone was Wednesday and that night, there was a thunderstorm. We’re not talking about a thunderstorm where there’s a little bit of thunder and lightning, we’re talking about a thunderstorm that doesn’t stop for a few hours and lightning that keeps flashing as though someone had a spotlight and kept peering into our house.In fact, that night there was a metre of rain - that's 1,000 ml of rain!!! Most people think 100ml of rain is a lot! Milly retreated to her safe place in the laundry and coped less with the thunderstorm than she had with the cyclone. I must admit that I was ‘over’ everything when the thunderstorm arrived. It was as though, “Seriously?! We have to have more of this?!”

We woke up to rain, no water, no power, no phone, internet service but we heard that there was one supermarket out of 3 that was operational and headed down there, as did most of the town. The queues were aisles long and there wasn’t much in the way of water and long life milk for sale. We bought pears and apples and cold diet coke! Yay. I had been drinking water to that point because I don’t like warm coke but Andy has a caffeine addiction so had been drinking warm coke zero as well as water. We stopped in at Matt’s and he gave us a bag of ice which was gratefully received.

After we had unpacked the very few staples we had bought, we walked to Matt and Lauren’s as their road had become a main thoroughfare since the main road was blocked off due to fallen trees or road damage after the cyclone. I walked a bit behind Andy and was able to see the “Dog man walking” in action. He waved constantly to cars who were waving or tooting at him, big smiles on their faces! It was like watching Santa Clause in action. By the time we arrived at Matt’s, we were drenched in sweat. It was so hot and humid! I found out we had phone access and I texted the 20 or so people who had been trying to contact me and caught people up on Facebook, with a state we were in.

Someone who had been through cyclones up here before, said it was the worst they’d ever experienced. Someone else said that unless you’d been through it, you can not begin to understand what it was like. A friend messaged me and shared with me her feeling of despair and pain and when I offered to meet with her, she came immediately. We had a wonderful time of sharing stories and when she left, she reassured me she felt encouraged.

Andy came home after helping someone move tree stumps and wondered how I was coping. I reassured him that I was fine and although he smiled and said that was good, in his mind he was wondering when it would ‘hit me’. 

Cyclone Part 2

As darkness falls over the ‘wasteland’ for that is what it seems now in some respects, we feel as though we are shell shocked. From our home, we can see houses and roads that had been previously blocked off by trees and today we went for a little drive to get out of the house and to catch up with some friends. Roads were blocked by trees and at the end of our road, a tree has fallen on to powerlines. It gets darker and there are no street lights and only a few homes that have generator-run lights.

There are no man-made noises of TVs and every now and again, I hear a kookaburra laugh which surprises me but gives me hope. I sent Andy off to run with Milly up the street and burn off some energy. We went to visit some friends and they kindly gave me their phone so I could message Nathan and tell him how I was. It’s at times like this, that one misses their family and I asked him to message my dad and put an update on Facebook. I went around to another friend’s place and she showed me what family and friends had put on Facebook and that gave me a link to them too. She took a photo of Milly so that people could see Milly was doing OK. She has a generator so it was good to wash hands, flush a toilet and be given some cold water and food.

When we came home, there were warnings of a thunderstorm approaching. I took out my guitar to practise and keep toughening up my fingers on the steel strings. After playing the scales through E to G, 2 octaves and a bit, I practised a few chord changes. Playing minor chords was a reflection of my mood. The cyclone has been nerve-wracking. No phone or internet reminds me of how dependent I am on technology to keep in touch with my family so even though I don’t always talk with them every day, when I ‘can’t’ talk to them, I feel isolated apart from them.

I want to be reconnected to power and phone/internet. As I write this, the thunder rolls and aware that the battery on this is getting lower, I know I should cease my writing and wait until tomorrow. We are on school holidays a week early but in some ways, it’s not as liberating as it would have been next week. I suggested to Andy that we leave and go away now but we have no idea if we can get out. It’s highly unlikely due to floods and who know if there would be trees across the road and how far ‘away’ we could get. Should we be here anyway, until the power comes back on – which could be another week?!

So darkness has almost completely come but there aren’t any stars shining right now because of cloud cover. I’ve caught up with a few friends around here but I still wonder about how others are coping. When we were at Matt’s place, their 2-week old baby was sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of the stuff we are going through.


Morning will come and with it, we will see what the new day will bring.

My First Cyclone

The next few posts will be what I wrote during and after I experienced/survived my first cyclone. The cyclone was category 4 and unless you have been through one, you have no idea how it feels, despite what the photos and Wikipedia say. The aftermath, is one of devastation and although there are glimmers of hope to follow, there is the constant reminder of pain and loss all around. I did take photos and videos but at the moment, I am not comfortable about sharing them here. There's plenty to see on the internet.

Wed. 29th March, 2017
11:00am

A few days before it happened, we got wind of the news that a cyclone was expected. Being a tropical cyclone area, we knew this was always a possibility but what it really meant, we had yet to learn. We spoke to people who had been through cyclones before and we stocked up on water -  both for waste and water for drinking, canned and packet food, torches and batteries. We bought a couple extra torches and I dug out the camping stove I bought five years ago but had never used. I bought some gas cartridges for that, too. We filled up the car with petrol and got cash out in case of emergency.

At times, the atmosphere was excitement, in the form of ‘adventure’ but there was a lot of apprehension and trepidation. This cyclone was expected to be a category 4 but we were assured houses were built to survive category 5 cyclones. At the supermarket a day or two before, the air was electric as it was on everyone’s mind and evidenced in everyone’s trolley. People made plans to stay with friends but we chose to stay home. One of my reasons for this was I would be too worried about what was happening at home to enjoy being at someone else’s place.

At church on Sunday, everyone was talking about it. I had been putting cyclone preparation advice on Facebook when I received it and a couple people acknowledged that had helped them. One young lady though, admitted she had not read it until after she had gone shopping and bought a freezer full of meat. Those who had meat, cooked it up and put it in the freezer which would defrost in time for meals. At the last minute, Andy and our friend Matt came and took down the blades of the outdoor roof fan as we had heard that they can fly off and gouge windows/walls in a cyclone.

Monday came and the fact it was a day off work/school was not uppermost in my mind. “Have we prepared enough?” we wondered, as the rains and winds began. I ‘smashed a bunny’ (chocolate) and continued to put cyclone news and clips of what was happening around home on Facebook. By about 10 that night, we lost power so we went to bed. Andy slept fitfully but I slept well, waking up only a few times. The banging was constant and loud, winds blew and rain fell but when we woke up the next morning, the roof was still on, windows were still in place and we still had some phone reception and access to Facebook to let people know we were OK.

According to the radio, the cyclone wasn’t expected to hit land until 1pm so we went and dozed fitfully and at 12 noon, all was calm. We deduced from that, we were in the ‘eye’ of the storm despite it apparently not having hit land by then. Andy took Milly out to do her business and we found out we no longer had phone/internet access. We turned on our battery operated radio for regular cyclone updates as the wind and rain picked up and came from the other direction.

I taught Andy how to play the board game ‘Sorry’, practiced my guitar again, listened to the radio and tried to sleep. Andy said the only things he would add to preparation in future was: he would get ice for the cooler and would take rubbish to the dump as rubbish was supposed to be collected Tuesday. It’s in our shed at the moment and will probably be quiet smelly by the time it gets out of there. Ewww.

It’s not really a sound sleep when you are in the middle of a cyclone. There is relentless banging, constant uncertainty as to whether it will get worse or whether damage to the house could still occur and then Andy discovered the windows on the right side of the house that were more ‘exposed’, were letting water in at the base of it. He put towels at the base of the 3 windows and regularly changed them to dry towels as we prepared for another night’s sleep.

The next day (Wednesday) there was less rain and the wind had died down a little. We looked out our loungeroom window and saw houses we had never seen before although we knew they had been there. Visibility had increased with the trees that had blown over. We had no running water now either. No power. No phone/internet. No water. There was a knock at the door and our friend Matt had turned up in his car to check up on us. He messaged my son Nathan for me and I asked Nathan in the message to put it on Facebook that we were OK. While Matt was here, our friends Dan and Mel, their daughter and our mutual friend Mel H, also turned up to check up on us. It was nice to have contact with others. Both of them spoke of drastic damage done around the area, trees across the roads, roofs off and radio announcements told people to stay put and not go ‘sightseeing’. Matt said there were people taking photos all over the place.


Just listening to the news at 11am it said we are still susceptible to experiencing damaging winds and flash floods in the area. Having the radio on gives some link to the outside world and provides a small amount of relief when feeling so isolated. When the radio is off, the sounds of the wind crashing, trees creaking and chainsaws being used are all that I can hear. (Or Milly licking herself) I have thoughts of wondering when it will all be over and ‘behind us’ and we’ll have power, water and communication with the outside world again. I told Andy last night that someone ought to turn the cyclone button off. I am quite thankful that I am not a pioneer. 

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

My Goal for 2017

This has been the quietest, most settled Christmas/summer holiday I have had in years!! I have done nothing profound and have not been facing any major life changes. Instead, I have read books, done fun shopping, celebrated Christmas with a tree (albeit fake but still something to look pretty and decorate) and I have caught up with friends. 

Andy and I have done day trips and done a lot of talking. In 9 days time we will celebrate our wedding anniversary and also recognise we have been here for a year on that same day. I tentatively look forward to a future and if you've read other posts on this blog, you will know why I say 'tentatively'. Personally, I feel that life holds a lot of uncertainty and because of that, we need to hold our plans with an open hand and be ready to adapt them when a curve ball gets thrown our way. 

Over this break, I have also been studying a subject for uni and my last assignment is due January 20th. I got my first assignment for that subject back today and I didn't do as well as I had thought I had. Perhaps the key is to have low expectations?? Anyway, after I got cross with myself and wondered why on earth I was even doing this course, wondered why I couldn't be satisfied with passing and wished I'd never even started the course, I picked myself up and did some positive self talk. "I'm doing this because I want to learn. There is no reason I have to get an A for every subject. I am doing this even though I could have chosen to take a holiday. I need to learn from this and make sure the 2nd assignment is more analytical and includes more detail despite having a word limit."

As I have been studying but also reading for pleasure, I've been thinking and reflecting. One of the books I'm reading is called, "Present over perfect" and it reminds me to make sure that I am being the person I am called to be and to make the most of each day. It's about living a life with meaning and being connected to our loved ones without being caught up in the busyness and sometimes complicated life. In it, the author says, "Burnout is not reserved for the rich or famous or the profoundly successful." I like her conclusion at the end of one part of the book: "Here's the thing: I might be doing it wrong, in someone else's view. But as I sit, my heart grows more compassionate. My gratitude increases. I become more humble, more thankful, less fearful." <-- That's what I want for my life in 2017: To be more compassionate, more thankful and less fearful. To be more compassionate means I try to be more encouraging and demonstrate grace. By less fearful, I mean I take up opportunities that might take me out of my comfort zone. I would say more humble but I'm not sure that if that's an oxymoron. 

Another book I am reading is called, "One thousand gifts" and it reminds me to live a life of gratitude. It talks about giving thanks even when there doesn't seem to be much to be thankful for and that when we give thanks, we often experience a deeper peace. I have been through  some tough times over the years but even during those terrible, dark times I know that there were things I could be thankful for. (and if you look back over the posts, you would read about them) I also know that when I focus on the painful bits, the hurts and the tough times, that I tend to feel overwhelmed and disappointed with 'life'. I feel like giving up and wonder why I even bother but that is why I need to choose to be thankful.

Take the case of my assignment: I didn't do as well as I had expected but I passed. I could give up but what would that achieve? I have learned so much doing this course and have been able to apply some of that learning in the classroom and even in my every day life. When I have my Masters, it might open up new doors of opportunity for me. I am thankful I have been able to do this course.

I am also thankful for Andy. He was outside weeding and working in the garden and when I told him I was disappointed in my results, he put the tools down and came and sat with me. He got me a glass of diet coke and encouraged me. He reminded me of how much I have already achieved. 

So if I was to have a goal for 2017, this would be it: That my heart would be more compassionate, that I would be more thankful and that I would be less fearful. 

Monday, January 2, 2017

Grace in 2017

Grace - favor or goodwill.
Synonyms: kindnesskindlinesslovebenignitycondescension

The young girl sat on the floor playing with her Christmas toys while family and extended family talked and played table tennis. There was a knock at the door and in walked the 'shunned' family member. She'd heard much talk about him and peered at him curiously before returning to her gift. The man had hurt others, betrayed and cheated but everyone had prayed he would come home and they talked about forgiveness in his absence. After some time had passed, she noticed him about to leave. No one was paying attention and he seemed hesitant to leave. She looked around at her family and waited for someone to say or do something but they were all busy. She got up and went to the man and took hold of his hand. She stood on tiptoe and he bent down to hear her say, "I love you. Goodbye"  as she kissed him on the cheek. He wiped a tear from his eye and left their home and she never saw him again but that moment became the time her understanding of grace started growing in her.

There has been a lot of pain and sorrow in the world over 2016 and some are declaring it a bad year. Crowds have cried out against injustice - real and perceived, people have accused others of betrayal and cheating, some have lashed out, others have sneakily gossiped and lied sowing seeds of disunity while others have pointed the finger or manipulated circumstances for their own ends. It has happened on a worldwide scale and perhaps it's happened in your backyard. There was a song I used to know as a teenager and went, "Stop the world, I want to get off, This is too weird for me... I get the definite impression this isn't how it's meant to be. No. No."

Now that 2017 has come around, there are all sorts of reflections about 2016 going around including the comment that 130 celebrities have died. In a smaller post on Facebook, three names of people who have made a difference to medicine and science also died in 2016 but despite their contribution to 'life', they were little known. News is graphically blasted into our living rooms as we watch on our TVs and we become so aware of the hatred and evil that sometimes seems to control our world. We shudder at what is happening and pray fervently for peace.

For me, peace will only come when we start showing grace to others and this begins at home with my friends and family. I don't have control over the actions of others but I do need to take responsibility for demonstrating unconditional love and grace to those around me; my family, workplace and those in my community. Closer to home, I see how friends and family are treated and I see how others point their fingers to blame, whisper about someone's failings and "throw the next stone". I don't want to be one of those people but sometimes it is all too easy to join in and become part of the crowd. 

There are people in my life who I admire but if I told them that, they would blush or try to brush it off because one of the main traits they have in common, is their humility. They have faced some real life tragedies of their own and yet are 'ordinary people' doing extraordinary things. In the midst of their own pain, they are making a difference around them. They sit beside a dying loved one, play music to children with disabilities and go out for coffee to encourage their hurting friends when they would rather be at home. They step outside of their comfort zone and use their gifts and abilities in order to give someone else hope in their difficult time. 

In 2017, who are you going to be? When I was growing up, there was a saying that when you point the finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at you. Let's stop blaming, stop manipulating things to get our own way and stop hurting others. Let's find out how we can encourage others, get to know them and love them. Some are dealing with circumstances you may not know about. Let's be the little girl mentioned at the start of this post and take someone by the hand, reach up and whisper encouraging words of grace even when no one else is looking.


Grace for 2017
From the Bible: 
Imy peoplewho are called by my namewill humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14