Andy and I have done day trips and done a lot of talking. In 9 days time we will celebrate our wedding anniversary and also recognise we have been here for a year on that same day. I tentatively look forward to a future and if you've read other posts on this blog, you will know why I say 'tentatively'. Personally, I feel that life holds a lot of uncertainty and because of that, we need to hold our plans with an open hand and be ready to adapt them when a curve ball gets thrown our way.
Over this break, I have also been studying a subject for uni and my last assignment is due January 20th. I got my first assignment for that subject back today and I didn't do as well as I had thought I had. Perhaps the key is to have low expectations?? Anyway, after I got cross with myself and wondered why on earth I was even doing this course, wondered why I couldn't be satisfied with passing and wished I'd never even started the course, I picked myself up and did some positive self talk. "I'm doing this because I want to learn. There is no reason I have to get an A for every subject. I am doing this even though I could have chosen to take a holiday. I need to learn from this and make sure the 2nd assignment is more analytical and includes more detail despite having a word limit."
As I have been studying but also reading for pleasure, I've been thinking and reflecting. One of the books I'm reading is called, "Present over perfect" and it reminds me to make sure that I am being the person I am called to be and to make the most of each day. It's about living a life with meaning and being connected to our loved ones without being caught up in the busyness and sometimes complicated life. In it, the author says, "Burnout is not reserved for the rich or famous or the profoundly successful." I like her conclusion at the end of one part of the book: "Here's the thing: I might be doing it wrong, in someone else's view. But as I sit, my heart grows more compassionate. My gratitude increases. I become more humble, more thankful, less fearful." <-- That's what I want for my life in 2017: To be more compassionate, more thankful and less fearful. To be more compassionate means I try to be more encouraging and demonstrate grace. By less fearful, I mean I take up opportunities that might take me out of my comfort zone. I would say more humble but I'm not sure that if that's an oxymoron.
Another book I am reading is called, "One thousand gifts" and it reminds me to live a life of gratitude. It talks about giving thanks even when there doesn't seem to be much to be thankful for and that when we give thanks, we often experience a deeper peace. I have been through some tough times over the years but even during those terrible, dark times I know that there were things I could be thankful for. (and if you look back over the posts, you would read about them) I also know that when I focus on the painful bits, the hurts and the tough times, that I tend to feel overwhelmed and disappointed with 'life'. I feel like giving up and wonder why I even bother but that is why I need to choose to be thankful.
Take the case of my assignment: I didn't do as well as I had expected but I passed. I could give up but what would that achieve? I have learned so much doing this course and have been able to apply some of that learning in the classroom and even in my every day life. When I have my Masters, it might open up new doors of opportunity for me. I am thankful I have been able to do this course.
I am also thankful for Andy. He was outside weeding and working in the garden and when I told him I was disappointed in my results, he put the tools down and came and sat with me. He got me a glass of diet coke and encouraged me. He reminded me of how much I have already achieved.
So if I was to have a goal for 2017, this would be it: That my heart would be more compassionate, that I would be more thankful and that I would be less fearful.
No comments:
Post a Comment