I'm Not Lucky

I've heard people say over the last couple of years, "You're so lucky" and those words make me cringe. 

Definition of lucky: having or bringing good fortune

2.

happening by chance, esp as desired

I don't believe things happen by chance  nor do I sit around waiting for something good to happen. I've had bad/sad things happen to me that weren't of my doing. I've made decisions and most of those decisions have had good or bad consequences. I am not responsible for the actions of others but their actions can also affect me.

At the end of 2012/beginning of 2013, I headed north to go on a road trip by myself. I was away for 5 weeks and visited places that I'd heard of and wanted to see. I didn't see any point in waiting for things to happen or waiting for someone to come along and travel with me. I visited Dubbo Zoo, Coffs Harbour, Country Music Festival at Tamworth, Wet n' Wild, Frazer Island and other places. I caught up with friends I hadn't seen in years, spent a day reading, rode a horse in the Blue Mountains on Australia Day and visited friends at the Snowy Mountains. I learned that I can do things by myself and I got to see bush, beach, mountains, country and city. I didn't do that trip by chance. It was a decision I made.

I've had hard times, grief and loss in my life. I've cried tears and felt anguish and wondered if life was worth living. I  know what stress feels like and I know what sadness is. It's not always my choice to go through loss. I didn't choose for my mum to die of cancer, I didn't choose for Dave to die after only 13 months of marriage and sometimes others' decisions have caused me hurt and pain. How I respond to those times is my choice and sometimes, choosing to acknowledge that I'm hurt and that I need to take time out is a good decision to make.

Last weekend, it I celebrated my 50th birthday (which isn't until the 8th October) with my friends and my son, Nathan and his wife. There, with me, was Andy, who actively looks for ways to serve me and show kindness. My friend Sharyn, of 28 or so years was there and there were friends who we've only just started to get to know. I am very blessed to have such beautiful and loyal friends. Perhaps I am lucky? I am thankful for the people and blessings in my life. Sometimes I might grouch about having to "begin all over again" for the umpteenth time, or might wish for more stability in my life, compare myself with others who have lived in the same place, with the same family, for more than half their life but I know that I have experienced, endured, enjoyed and embraced (at times) life. I choose not to live with regrets about decisions I have made.

I remember years ago, mum sharing with me about how someone had told her she was lucky. She told me that person had no idea of the trials and pain mum had been through in her life and only saw today's 'product'; who mum had become because of all she'd experienced. 

Perhaps I am more like my mum than even I had known and I am thankful for the example she had set for me. 

I'm going to continue to celebrate my life and be thankful for the gifts/people God has brought me. Lucky? No. Blessed? Totally!