Soar Like An Eagle

      When I was in my teenage years, my thoughts and beliefs were black and white absolutes that were clearly defined. I loved life and anticipated the future with enthusiasm. I knew that making right choices was all anyone needed to do if they wanted to have a good, guilt-free life. As a newly-wed someone accused me of being innocent and naive and I scoffed and was miffed by their comment and a colleague added that when I had my own children, I wouldn't be so black and white. They were trying to assure me that life wasn't so simple and straightforward. I heard a quote back then, "It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys and I laughed and thought it must be true.

     Now, 25+ years of life later, I look back on who I was then, untarnished by hurt and loss and wonder if I have changed. The simple answer is yes and no. Life has happened and I've continued to move forward and grow. Some of those thoughts and beliefs are the foundation of who I am. I still want to soar like an eagle and pursue excellence in all I do. I still recognise the importance of making right choices but I also know that others' choices can have an effect on my circumstances.

     Last night Andy and I were watching a TV show called "The Living Room" and a professional organizer was called in to help a family who needed to declutter their living space. They had way too much stuff! While they were sorting through their mountains of clothes and furniture, dividing the useful and needed from the useless and unnecessary, another team was brought in to redecorate and renovate their home into something modern and more practical. It was said that when people are feeling overwhelmed by life circumstances, it only takes someone to help them with the first step in moving forward to get them back on track and motivated once again. 

     This week I have been unwell and have had two days off sick. It started as a heavy cold and even today Andy said my voice doesn't sound good. It's OK if I don't talk and I don't have a sore throat.. The reason I tell you this is because when I am unwell, I have too much time to think and dwell on what is happening in my life so everything I am about to say, needs to be put into that perspective.

     I love my job. I love my class and it was really lovely to come back to work and have them all excited about me being back. They are enthusiastic about learning and I see them as children who are going on to being teenagers and then, adults. With that, they have all the confusion of  wanting independence, of being influenced by social media that doesn't always reflect godly values and of the innocence of childhood being tarnished at times, by the circumstances and choices of others around them without necessarily having the resources and 'wisdom' they need to make wise and discerning choices. 

     About ten years ago, someone asked me what I would do if a) I ever gave up teaching and b) where do I want to be in ten years time. I replied that "if" I ever gave up teaching, I would become a counsellor for children as my work has opened my eyes to the pain and hurt children go through and yet, they don't seem to have people equipped to help them. I also said that I don't make long term plans because my experience is that life doesn't always go the way we plan. Yet, here I am studying my Masters of Education, majoring in guidance and counselling. People ask me if I am going to follow the counsellor field when I am finished my course. The course I am doing helps me in my teaching in a practical sense now so I don't feel that I will be giving up teaching any time soon. On the other hand, I am also open to opportunities that might arise from doing this course. 

     I came home yesterday, feeling discouraged and watching the TV show didn't help. Where is the 'kickstart' I need to continue on the path I have chosen? Why am I working full-time and studying part-time when it requires so much effort and time? Why can't we just pack up and leave and find a place to run away to? After all, we're not getting any younger and it would be nice to have the time and money to enjoy the beach more often or go on an overseas holiday, or visit the outback of Australia. Why is life so challenging? 

     I did a Facebook quiz and although the results aren't always accurate, it said this about me: "You are hungry for adventure and excited about life, but you are also very humble and sincere. You are a great problem solver and have a balanced perspective about things." I appreciated a conversation I had with my good friend Sonya. She said, "I think your passion is your students and you are following your passion and your gifting, skills and training. You aim high because you have healthy self-respect and care about what you do." I really needed to hear those words.

     On the plus side, I got a good mark for my assignment - the best I have had so far which means a little of the pressure can be taken off for the next assignment. I need to get motivated again so I can complete it on time but being sick, it has been hard to focus on studying about the theory of assessment and testing students and why students have behavioural issues etc.

     And speaking about counting your blessings: While I've been sick, Andy has done all he can to look after me. When he was going out to homegroup the other night, he put next to my bed: a glass of diet coke, a glass of water, chips, chocolate and Panadol (headache tablets) so that I wouldn't need to get up while he was gone. During the afternoon, he went outside to hit a few golf balls and left the back door open saying, "If you need anything, just call and I'll come back inside". I thank him and he replies "It's what any husband would do." I tell him it's not but he still shrugs it off. 

     I guess what I'm trying to say is, even when life seems too hard, God still puts good things in my life to help me get through it. As Sonya reminded me, having friends in so many places means that I have a lot of love coming to me from all those directions. So I will persevere and move forward knowing that there is a purpose behind it and I am loved. Besides, when I look back and see all the great stuff I have lived, life is still an adventure and there's more to live and enjoy!