Live For Now

Well so much has happened in the last few weeks that it seems almost superfluous to go back and try to retrace those steps.  I still feel, at times, like I'm on a roller coaster and as the anniversary of Dave's passing draws closer, I am aware that although I've moved forward and although the cloak of grief doesn't weigh me down as heavily, I still miss him very much.  I still miss the life we shared together.

The end of the school term finished and I was glad for the two week school break.  I needed it!  It had been a long, challenging term and I think that was part of the reason I had been feeling so down, as mentioned in my last couple of posts.  During the school break, I went back to my classroom a couple of times and figured out where I was headed in my class and started preparing for the new term with eagerness and a new, more positive attitude.  This past week with my class has been good although I still need to keep reining in their escalating chattiness which can get out of control, if unchecked.  I am more organised than I have been and ready for the long weeks ahead.

A couple of weeks ago, Nathan and I went on a short holiday interstate and we had a good time.  There were times that I realised he and I needed to re-establish our relationship because I am no longer a mother to a young son.  I am now mother to a young adult son and with that, our relationship changes more towards a close friendship rather than me in 'authority', yet also with me still wanting to guide him, steer him the right way and make sure he continues to walk as a godly young man.  He, on the other hand, is a typical (almost) 20 year old man with a girlfriend, study and life and he is at a point where he wants to be independent and make his own choices about how his life will unfold.  

So, I continued giving him driving lessons for a manual car, we went on a tour to Kangaroo Island which we enjoyed immensely, went to a market and shared a 'pig's ear' and we went to a bookstore and bought books to read.  We do have a lot in common and I am very thankful for my son!

I guess the other big news in my life is that during the holidays, I decided to figure out if I was ready to 'date' again.  Last Sunday afternoon, I made plans to meet a guy for coffee/hot chocolate in a cafe, down by the beach.  As I was driving there, I was thinking, "What am I doing????  Am I ready for this?"  He was 5 minutes late so I teased him about that as he claims to be so punctual.  We had a nice time together, teasing each other and sharing about our lives, our interests, and even our spouses.  His wife had passed away on their 28th wedding anniversary which was 18 months ago so he still misses his 'rock'.  He has a lot of energy and is passionate about his community, football/Collingwood and his family of 3 daughters.  I admire that about him. (Being passionate about his community and family - not the Collingwood bit. lol!)

On Friday night, we decided to go to a movie "Snow White and the Huntsman" and Nathan also got to meet him and I got to meet two of his daughters.  He and I had dinner together first and when he spilt his coke zero onto my plate of chips, I laughed because he did it, not me!  We enjoyed the movie and each other's company and went and picked up Nathan who had been visiting his girlfriend.  Lots of bantering in the drive back to his place and I loved it when a song we both knew came on and he and I were both singing along. 

As Nathan and I were driving home, we evaluated the "date" and the man.  Nathan was impressed with who he was a person and the way he treated me, the way he talked to Nathan, the way he and I seemed to be very comfortable and relaxed with each other and the way he spoke of his daughters and wife.  It was all good.  It was nice to be with someone whose company I enjoyed and who I felt comfortable with.

Yesterday, Nathan and I attended a First Aid course at the school and I enjoyed sharing that day with him and with some of my favourite colleagues.  We laughed and had so much fun, so by the time I ended up watching, "My Fair Lady" on a dvd that night, I was quite content with where I was at in my life and sang along with the songs.  

I slept well last night which was good as I haven't had much sleep over the last week and I haven't been feeling well since I've had a cold.  I woke up refreshed and ready for the day ahead.  I don't know where my life is headed and what will happen, even in the next couple of weeks.  In my devotions,  I read recently, "

But instantly He spoke to them, saying, "Take courage! I AM! Stop being afraid!" This was Jesus' response to the disciples when they encountered a storm while out in a boat.  He was saying, "I AM here for you right now, and you must have faith now that everything is going to be all right."  That is how you should be living your life -- with a 'now' faith..... God wants you to live for today.  Worrying about yesterday or tomorrow steals today.  But the great I AM has given you just enough grace for today.... So use the favour and power of the Holy Spirit to do His will right now."

Anyway, there's been more devotional thoughts that God keeps using to remind me to lean on Him, to trust Him and to move forward with Him.  Sometimes it is hard for me to be patient about my life and to wait for things to come about.  I tend to rush in as an attempt to make it all better and to have it settled.  I don't like suspense and waiting to see how things unfold but I keep being reminded that He does make everything beautiful, "In His time" and His timing really is perfect.