Moving Forward Reflections

 Two years later and you might have thought I'd forgotten about this blogsite. In the last 2 years I focused on writing "The Adventures of Dovic" for my students which you can read in the link at this page and occasionally I wrote a post for "Horses, Teaching and Other Important Things" as well as wrote short stories. Eighteen months ago, Andy and I moved to a regional area where I took up a new teaching post and we settled into country life. 

I keep a horse at my friend/colleague's place and we ride whenever we are able. Milly is now 9.5 years old and although she is getting older, she still has energy and loves to walk along the river with Andy.

Andy and I enjoy riding bikes and I upgraded from my hybrid/road bike to a mountain bike. We have explored different sections of the rail trail as well as ride around home. I fell off my bike - first time as an adult - about 6 or so weeks ago and got a few bruises and bumps which healed in time. 

My reason for writing today is I want to acknowledge my mum who passed away 23 years ago today. I still miss her. 

Mum always believed in me and I could turn to her no matter what and know that she would listen and be fair. She might not have agreed with me but her love was unconditional. 

So many times I wish I could pick up the phone and call her. I know she would listen to my venting and would offer me sage advice. 

As I near the age she was when she passed away, I reflect on life being a privilege and the importance of making the most of every day.

Earlier this week I was getting an ultrasound and x-ray on my shoulder as I have bursitis and a subacromial impingement (I think) which causes a lot of pain, although I had a cortisone injection 6 weeks ago which has helped. The lady doing the x-ray this week, shared her story with me: Her father had passed away when she was 2 and her mum had always impressed upon her the importance of making the most of every day, not taking it for granted and living life to the fullest.

Tomorrow is the date Dave and I were married 12 years ago and he passed away almost 13 months later. I am thankful we met and married and although it was such a short time, our marriage continues to influence who I am and reminds me to love and value my family and friends. 

Life has its challenges. Sometimes I get discouraged and it takes effort to not give up. At those times, God reminds me of what is important and who I am blessed to have in my life. At those times, I put one foot in front of the other and push myself to keep moving forward.

I thank God for the people He has brought into my life.

One Step and Then Another

Crazy, concerning and confusing
Objectionable, oblivious it once was and now an obstacle to overcome
Vexatious, vicious and a vaccine still to be discovered
Illogical, incredible and up until a few months ago, inconceivable
Disturbing, daunting and doubtlessly dastardly

At the beginning of the year, no one knew the Corona virus would cause a worldwide pandemic and we were oblivious to the destruction it would wreak upon lives - families, individuals, friendships, death, illness, time. The two posts I wrote earlier this year did not even hint at what this year would hold because I had no idea!!!!

But before the corona virus came and wrapped its vicious tendrils:

The good news is I found a job where I am very happy. I don't have to drive in traffic jams to get there and my favourite class is delightful! I work with colleagues who are kind and professional and we all share the planning and our work with each other. There is so much concern for the wellbeing of our students and I feel very privileged to be a part of it all.

At my interview I was asked if I was able to hit the ground running so being employed 2 days before the students came, I hit the ground running.
At my interview I was asked what area I would like to grow in professionally and I responded with learning more about how technology could be used in the classroom. Covid happened, remote learning began and I learned so much about teaching my students in an online forum, using technology, apps and other computer programs powered by the internet. Resources that were found in books were somewhat discarded and I searched for, evaluated and used new resources to teach content I was already familiar with.

In the last week of Term 1 in March we began teaching our students remotely. We did not know how long this would last for and we took it on board, meeting our students at the start of each period in zoom meetings. We checked in on how they were coping and we tried to provide a reassuring forum for them to learn as well as cope with this new and unfamiliar 'world'.

The two week holiday break was a good time to prepare for the indefinite amount of remote teaching we would have to do in Term 2. It was also a time to prepare mentally for coping in this new and very uncertain time. Resilience means being grateful on a daily basis and being able to empathise with others and every day, I posted at least one photo and description of something I was thankful for on Facebook. (Which I later turned in to photo books) I do have a lot to be thankful for and much of it comes down to people: my family, my friends; the people I love and enjoy sharing laughter and good times with.

My goal to walk 2020 kms in 2020 is well on target and I am thankful for the many steps Andy and I have taken together to achieve this goal. I've walked over 1,500,000 steps so far this year. I've walked on the sand, the rocks, the road and pathways. I've walked in the rain, the sunshine, windy days and cold and avoided being pelted by the hail. I've seen sunsets that have amazed me and sunrises that greeted a new day with colour. I've listened to the sweet sounds of magpies and the laughter of kookaburras and children. As I've walked along the water's edge I've heard the water gently lapping over the rocks and watched seagulls looking out over the ocean spying out their next meal.

After the 2 week break, remote learning continued for 8 weeks of Term 2 and then the students came back to school, eager to see their friends and learn in the more traditional way for the last 3 weeks of term. Teaching in the classroom means we can keep a closer eye on our students, see where they are more challenged and respond to the unspoken queries they have. We are more likely to notice the furrowed brow, the incomplete work and the nervous smile. At the end of the term, we suggested they take their main workbooks home... just in case.

The first week of this break I did a lot of school work, aiming to have it completed and ready for Term 3 by the start of the 2nd week. I was scheduled to have an op on the Tues but the hospital called to reschedule it to the following Friday as the building extensions had taken longer than expected and they wanted to minimise infections. This gave me 3 extra days of free time and I was ready for it! We drove north for about 3 hours and caught up with a friend and completed my tax return for the year. The next day we went shopping at a DFO and went for a walk along the beach and then we found out news that would once again impact our lives.

Restrictions were going to be put back in place as of midnight Wednesday. Foggy Wednesday morning, we drove out to my brother's place, spent some time with my horse Boston and went for a walk with the dogs along the country road. We drove over to Andy's old tennis club so he could have a hit of tennis with his good mate, and after coming home to change, headed to Nathan and Melanie's place for dinner. Lock down was going to be for 6 weeks so we were making the most of it.

Thursday morning I called the hospital as I had a few questions and they again confirmed the details for the op tomorrow. We went for a walk so that I could get my 10,000 daily steps in and just before dinner was served I got a phone call from the hospital rescheduling my surgery until after I have had a covid test, due to the new lockdown restrictions. They apologised for the inconvenience and the late notice and said it would be a priority to book me in as soon as the clear test results were in. Very disappointing. I know these are unusual days, crazy days and it does make it hard to feel settled - and yes, I had been feeling settled and content this year despite the circumstances.

When all is said and done and as my friend Tonia reminded me again this evening, "We make plans but we hold them lightly and then go with the flow... in God."

Resilience. Wellbeing. Gratefulness. No matter what the circumstance, it's taking one step after another and not being held back by our doubts, our hurts, our fears. It's taking one step forward and then another, knowing that we are moving forward. The scenery around us may be changing and it's OK to stop and take a moment to catch our breath but we need to keep taking those steps forward.

Walking Along the Beach

My favourite place to walk is the beach. I love seeing the powerful waves, the frothy tips that kiss the shore, the unending deep ocean that goes as far as my eyes can see. I love hearing the waves crashing as they break, blocking out all the other noise that would distract me from being in this moment. As I walk along the sand, sometimes my feet sink and it becomes difficult to move forward, sometimes my toes feel the coolness of the water and sometimes the waves surround my ankles. It's as though all the stress of real life is a long way away.

My favourite beach is my refuge. It's where I go to be alone. A little over 20 years ago, when my mum was dying, I would come here. Here I could cry out to God. Here was a visible reminder of His power that is more powerful than the waves He created, His love that is deeper than the ocean and His presence that is unending. Every now and again I would see seaweed being tossed about in the waves and I would think about all the creatures lurking in the deep waters that I couldn't see. As I walked along the beach, sometimes I would pick up a shell and toss it back into the ocean. But it was here I knew that despite His awesome power and majestic ways, God still cared about me and for every tear I cried, He felt it too. Whether it be at that time or other times when I was hurting, this was my place to go.

Over the years I have walked along this beach with friends. Sometimes we would share the concerns and worries we were feeling, sometimes we would walk and talk, sometimes we would stop and play, making sandcastles, splashing in the water, laughing and just enjoying each other's company.

I have been to this beach and sat on the sand, thinking and reflecting.
I have sat at the picnic table and written fictional stories for fun.
I have eaten ice-creams in a cone as I've walked along the beach.
I have stood at the water's edge and breathed in the smell of the ocean, while the water danced over my toes.

In any weather, this is the place to be. When the sky is threatening and the waves seem stronger and more powerful, I can watch awestruck.
When the sun is shining brightly and the ocean is so pretty, I can feel lighthearted and positive about the future.
I can watch families playing beach cricket, throwing a frisbee, digging holes or having a picnic. I can watch fishermen stand on the shore and throw their lines out into the water hoping to catch something... anything. I can watch dogs run down to the water and throw themselves in, swimming over the waves and then coming back to shake it all out. And yet, there have been times when I am the only one there and my footprints are the only ones in the sand.

To this beach, I took Andy for our wedding anniversary yesterday and we walked along the beach together, hand in hand. We enjoyed the sounds of the waves crashing, we laughed at the dogs playing and remarked about how kites must be made differently to when we were children because now, they stay in the air so easily. At one point, Andy walked into the water, faced down a wave and dived into it. When I told him about how I used to throw shells back into the ocean, he told me of a Charlie Brown comic where one of his friends scolds him for doing the same because, "Think of the hard effort it was for the shell to get here!" (or something like that.)

Walking along the beach is one of my favourite things to do and sharing it with people I love, makes it that much more enjoyable.

ABIDE

Just before the new year began, I completed a short quiz with multiple choice questions to learn of my 'word for the year'. I was skeptical about the simple choices and when I was given the word 'abide' I was disappointed. I wanted a word with fire, a word that would motivate me and encourage me. Words such as 'courage' or 'joy' or 'endurance'. After all, at the moment I am in a place of uncertainty, without a job and without being able to be settled, yet I want security and to be able to get on with living life to its fullest.

But the more I thought about the word, the more I liked it. Abide suggests an acceptance of 'circumstances' and being at peace through that time. I thought of the Bible verse, "If you abide (remain) in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7 I am not naive to believe that this means I can make up a wish list and that Santa Clause will give me all that I want but I do believe that at this time, (or any time for that matter) I need to remember that no matter what I am going through, I need to 'abide'.

When I go to open a packet/box of biscuits, cereal or other food and I read the words, "Open other end", I turn the box over and open at the 'right end'. Rarely do I 'rebel' and open the box the wrong way, so when I am given a word for the year, I take it on board. I looked up the word 'abide' in the dictionary and it said:

• to remain, continue, stay
• to endure, sustain or withstand without yielding or submitting
• to wait for, await
• to remain steadfast or faithful to; keep

That definition seems perfect for me, so "ABIDE" is my word for 2020.

As I look ahead from my present, I have no certainty of where I will be even at the end of this month. However, in this present, I need to abide. 

While I am waiting, my intention is to make the most of every day and get myself in order. I am not one who makes New Years resolutions, instead I resolve to keep moving forward. Therefore:
I am going to be healthier and walk every day. My resolve is to walk 10,000 steps daily and to meet the goal of walking 2020kms in 2020. 
I am going to write more often and write in my journal, daily. I may even write more at this blog or at my "Horses, teaching and other important things" blogsite. I might even begin to write the children's novel that I have always spoken about.
Perhaps I will take on another course. Andy has always laughingly suggested that I will take on more study....

Sadly, at the end of last year, only a couple weeks ago, my nephew passed away from a rare stroke. He had only just turned 19 and yet he had lived each day serving and loving others. None of us can control the amount of days we live but we can determine how we will live out those days.

ABIDE

Blessed is the one whose delight is in the Law of the Lord..
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither -- whatever they do prospers.
    

The In-Between Space

Recently I read of the term "Liminal space" which is used to describe the in-between space: 

"The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, and not knowing." 

Ocean rafting & snorkelling before we left.

This aptly describes where Andy and I have been for much of this year. So much has happened that I don't know where to start. I've tried a number of 'starts' but then it gets bogged down into too much information and too many emotions to try and address it in an objective way. Suffice to say, we needed to move out of an environment that was causing too much distress, the truth was being strangled out by selfish ambition and in order to maintain our integrity, we believed it was important for us to take a big, unpredictable, life-changing step, forward.


Recently I read another quote that appealed to me: What God does in us while we wait, is as important as what it is we are waiting for. 

While we have been in our liminal space, I have caught up and renewed friendships with family and friends, we have moved back to our 'home state' and I have been teaching in a non-composite class. We have grieved our losses, the friends who betrayed us and/or abandoned us, and we have also had to deal with our anger at being treated unjustly. But in the midst of all this, once again I recognise the many blessings and even the Lord's hand in protecting us from what could have been more 'damaging' to our wellbeing and finances.
So, let's skip over to this crazy week of school holidays. Last Monday, I rode and fell off my horse, Boston - if you want to know more about it, head over to the blog post on Falling Off A horse at my "Horses, Teaching and Other Important Things" blogspot. Anyway, apart from being a bit sore around my neck and shoulders, ribs, I knew that I hadn't broken anything.


(Oh I do need to put in an aside paragraph here: In late May, Andy wanted to ride with my friend Jamie and I, and he ended up falling off a horse, breaking 4 ribs and his left clavicle. Being of an older age, he is taking a longer time to heal and may need an operation to re-break his clavicle and set it again. He has an appointment on Monday to find out. Meanwhile, he has also not acclimatized well to the colder and different germs down here and has had a number of colds. Then, to add insult to injury, his right shoulder began to give him more pain. He went to the doctor who informed him that due to his labouring years, he now has a degenerative condition in his neck/vertebrae etc.) 

The day after my fall, we went and picked up my pushbike which had been serviced and had needed a number of spokes replaced. Even though I felt a bit sore, I could not resist taking my bike and riding around for a bit. There are plenty of places to ride around here and I was looking forward to getting back on my bike. At least my bike wouldn't be getting an attitude and tossing me. I saw a few magpies but none swooped me so I made it safely home. We also put Andy's bike into be serviced. He used to ride around a lot but hadn't ridden in the last few years. 

On Wednesday morning, of course I was still aching but then I looked in the mirror and noticed a round bruise on my stomach, about 10cm in diameter. Horrified, I wondered what damage I had done to cause it. I knew I had fallen on my back, or my butt as my brother had described it and I knew I had sort of rolled on to the ground off my horse so I wondered how I could have gotten a bruise there. As I showered, I also felt a bit faint so I made an appointment at the doctor's so it could be written off as "nothing to worry about", just all the normal aches and pains caused by falling off a horse.

The doctor ordered a CT scan concerned I may have ruptured a spleen or done damage to my neck and while I waited for it, again I felt faint and sick and had to lie down. I assume it was the shock and the heat of the surgery that caused this feeling but it got their attention and the CT scan was done. A different doctor came in with the report and said the good news was that the aches and pains were due to the fall and nothing broken or cracked etc. While we were waiting for the doctor, Andy and I figured out that the bruise was due to the horn of the saddle - as I was being tossed around by Boston, it would have prodded me. The doctor confirmed that would be right, as the bruise had the imprint of the saddle horn, although he admitted that being a city bloke, he had not thought of that.

Anyway, the CT scan also noted that I have a gall stone, about 10mm in size, which the doctor said, is quite large. It explains why I had such an adverse reaction to the last time I ate pork belly and why I've been having stomach pains. I'd put it down to stress and/or adjusting to new germs/climate, not wanting to admit to anything more sinister. I had not admitted it to Andy and he was right when he rebuked me gently, about keeping him informed about such things. The doctor has told me I will need an operation but he thinks it can wait until the end of the school year. I will see him tomorrow for more information.

We got home and I must admit I was relieved for a number of reasons already recorded here. I sat down in the recliner and Andy began cooking dinner. Now, we have 2 smoke alarms in our house. One at the front end of the house, the other at the back end of the hall and the kitchen is off the middle of the house. The smoke alarms are loud and piercing and when they go off, Milly runs out of the house and hides in the bushes in the garden. We had visitors a month or so ago and the smoke alarms went off then. Just a hint of smoke sets the alarms off. To stop them, we have to wave teatowels at them.

As Andy checked the roast, the smoke alarms went off and Milly ran out. Andy waved a cloth at the one near the front door and I went to the one at the back. The alarms stopped and we went back to doing what we had been doing. Then it happened again and we repeated our response. And again it happened. This was getting beyond a joke. When it happened the fourth time, Andy came up to the same smoke alarm as me and I snapped at him and said he needed to be at the front smoke alarm because I couldn't be in both places at the same time. He admitted he had burnt his thumb and index finger on his right hand so I sent him back to soak it in cold water and eventually the smoke alarms stopped and no fire engines came. 

I served up the dinner while Andy soaked his thumb and finger in cold water and had a couple of Panadol. We knew not to break the blister and not to put ice on it but as the pain didn't go away, we decided to head back to the medical centre where there was a chemist. She sent us up to the doctor on 'emergency', up to the same floor and the same doctor that I had seen a few hours earlier. Dr Tom prescribed cream for it and the nurse applied the cream and bandage and the doctor asked Andy to come back and see him in a couple days time. We went down to reception and made his appointment to be the one just before mine. 

So, it's been a crazy week but despite that, it's something we can look back on and not only learn from, but also laugh at. Laugh at it's absurdity! 

I do want to state again that there have certainly been good times throughout all of this bad stuff too. We have great friends who support, encourage and have fun with us, I have a job at a great school until the end of this year, we have a home for Boston with my brother, where Boston is thriving, Milly is happy, runs around in our large backyard and plays with other family members' dogs, and we are feeling more settled than we have in a while. We want to put down roots and have something permanent and we do feel (hope) that we are coming to the end of our liminal space. We know that God has provided for all our needs up until now and we know that there is no reason to believe that He won't in 2020.  

Tomorrow we are going to the beach to have our car registration and our licences changed into this state. We have unpacked a few more boxes over the holidays and I have found more teaching resources and things that I will be able to use next term. 

To top off the week, daylight savings starts on Sunday. The downside is we lose an hour of sleep the night before I go back to work but the upside is, we get longer daylight to play with when I get home from work. We didn't have daylight savings when we lived in Queensland and both of us missed it!

So, no matter what space we are in, no matter what we are going through, joys and trials, God is good. All. The. Time.  

Chapters End and New Chapters Begin.

Good evening. As I sit here writing, the sun has set, dogs are barking but the kookaburras are sleeping. Next door, a family are swimming in their pool and the night noises of the curlew, cicadas and frogs might be heard, if all else was silent. It has been more than a year since I last posted and as much has happened since then, I will just give you some of the highlights. 

We continue to live and work in North Queensland and just like any other chapter in our lives, it has had its challenges and its blessings.

 I have completed my Masters of Education, majoring in Counselling and Guidance and in my role as a teacher and leader at the school, I find many opportunities to use what I have learned. It is was a very interesting and practical course. 
Having finished one avenue of study, Andy wondered if I would start another course and almost 'won the bet' when I considered studying how to become a better writer. I enrolled in a writer's group that sends weekly emails about courses in writing but also gives motivational hints on how to write, so I've decided that is enough for now.

This year I had the privilege of teaching a grade 5/6 class and have been very happy with how my students have gone and privileged at watching them grow. They are good reminders of why I began teaching many, many years ago and why I am still in the education field. I think, one day, it might be nice to teach a straight class rather than a multi-age class but as I've never taught just one year level, I don't really know. 

 Last year, Andy and I went sailing for a 2 day-2 night yacht cruise with a tourist company which involved snorkelling in the Great Barier Reef, walking on the very white sands of Whitehaven Beach and sleeping in a small cabin. I've discovered that I love snorkelling! It's like swimming in a real-life aquarium and is so relaxing and beautiful.

Christmas last year we went to Melbourne and caught up with friends and family, having a late Christmas dinner with my favourite son and his wife, as well. We went to the Vic market and had hot jam donuts (the best!), a Boxing Day sale with friends, travelled on a train from the city to the country, saw the New Years Eve celebration in Melbourne from a shopping centre carpark after just watching "The Greatest Showman" and flew back refreshed to begin a new year here.

Every now and again, I walk with my friend early on a Wednesday morning before I go to work. The view is often the same and each time I look for the 'perfect photo' but they all turn out so pretty! I also walk with Andy and one time during 'winter', I also took photos but again, not much different to every other day. The only thing that really changes, is the humidity! During summer, the humidity is sticky and hot. The other thing about summer, is the watch for cyclones begins. There was a cyclone earlier this year, but after the impact of Cyclone Debbie, it felt quite insignificant. Having said that, as we prepared for it, the anxiety and trauma of cyclone Debbie resurfaced too. We all breathed a sigh of relief when this one didn't turn out so bad.

Just before we went away in July, 2 of our work friends came to visit Andy with a dryer. Andy, who rarely wears thongs (flip flops) but on this occasion did not put his workboots on, was helping lift it into our house, when it fell on his toe. Mike looked down at his toe and the trail of blood, and promptly told him he needed to see the doctor. I took him off to emergency and he had 8 stitches in his big toe. Lucky he has big feet or the toe might have been amputated! The cutting of his toe gave the principal the opportunity to tell more 'dad jokes' than usual. It was toe-taly unexpected.

 In July this year, we went to visit our friends from Toowoomba, celebrating a friend's birthday, shopping together, eating at great places, talking, laughing and just enjoying being with people we love. To top the trip off, we went riding with one of our friends and ended up coming back with our two horses. Well, actually, they didn't come back with us, they came up via truck a few weeks later. 

   Boston, my horse is a 5 year old, cob x welsh gelding just over 15hh. He loves attention and can be a bit stubborn at times but he is one very good-looking horse! Andy's horse is a 20 year old quarterhorse mare. Image is sweet-tempered and very stable and especially these last few weeks, she and Andy have really bonded. She has developed a yeast/skin infection, so Andy has to go out and wash her 2 or 3 times a week. We agist the horses out of town but are trying to find a place where we can live and have the horses with us.
At the moment, it is very dry here and areas are in drought. We had a shower of rain early this morning but need so much more. 

Just recently, Nathan and Mel came to visit for the weekend. It was a packed weekend as we visited a wildlife farm, hung out at the local 'watering hole' and spent a day exploring the Whitsundays, again including snorkelling. It was so good to spend time with them and make some more special memories, but all too soon it was over so we said goodbye until the next time - let's hope it is soon.

So, as we head towards Christmas, we have the school Awards ceremony, break-up parties and celebrations. Looking back and looking forward, there is so much to be thankful for. Even where there is brokenness, there is hope, where there is ugliness of evil, there is beauty in our surroundings, where there can be feelings of being unsettled, I know I am also loved by family and friends who hold me close, encourage me and laugh with  me.

I am thankful that, no matter what the circumstances, I am very blessed!

P.S. This may be my last post for this blog "The Garden Trail". I have ideas for a different style one which I am going to call, "Horses, Teaching and Other Important Things". So, I will still be writing and it will still be personal but it will also be from a 'professional' point of view too, in order to help friends and family with issues they may be struggling with. When I finally get it up and running, you'll find a link here at this webpage, too. 

When it hit me

When it finally hit me, we had been out shopping and I had bought a cold diet coke and been given two free bags of ice from a local supermarket. Everywhere we drove, there were trees and fences down, trees standing bare without their leaves, people out moving branches and devastation. I looked up the word, "Devastation" in the dictionary and it didn't seem to really portray what I meant. Synonyms for it include: noun destruction

• confusionstar
• desolationstar
• havocstar

• ravagesstar
• ruinstar
• defoliationstar

• demolitionstar
• depredationstar
• lossstar

• pillagestar
• plunderstar
• ruinationstar

• spoliationstar
• waste

That about sums it up. I went into my room and was silent, shedding a few tears for about an hour. I compared it to my losses of the past but they are all unique and pain can't be measured or compared. I no longer want to upload or take photos of the destruction the cyclone caused. 

As with others who go through trauma of any sort, it reminds us to appreciate what we have and to love the people who are in your life. We went to a friend's place to help them out and as they had a generator, I was able to have a hot shower and wash my hair. I told her later, it was the best gift anyone could give me.

A week later, we are still without power but we do have running water and as we have bottled gas, we can have hot showers at home. People around us have generators and at night, these are noisy but in the long run, it doesn't matter. The community are rallying around each other and offering support where they can, as it happens in most towns unified by a common traumatic event. There are stories of hope and unfortunately there are stories of scumbags. That is the world we live in. 

As with any trauma, it is important to keep moving forward, find the blessings that give hope and deal with it in your own time without feeling you have to succumb to a time line or force a smile on your face because someone said you should. Acknowledge your pain, have a cry if you need to but keep moving forward. Find a friend you trust and who loves you enough to give you that 'slap across the face' (not literally) if need be and then gives you a hug and chocolate and says, "I love you". Cry if you want to. Go out and move a few trees or branches from the yard. Run and burn off energy. Do what you need to do in order to get through to the other side of pain so you can live life again.