Three Years Ago....

This weekend marks three years since Dave passed away. Yesterday afternoon, while Andy took Milly for a walk, I used the time alone to reflect and also to play some online games that Dave used to play. I am so thankful for the short time I was married to Dave. It was too short but we made some memories that will stay with me for a long time. The friends and family that were part of our lives are still dear to me and I miss them. Reading through Facebook statuses, a few of them posted about how they still miss Dave and I commiserated with them but on the other hand, still felt like I was on my own. I am very thankful that one of Dave's brothers sent me a message to say he was thinking of me too.

My life has changed since Dave passed away. I'm in a different country, I am teaching full-time and studying, I am married to someone different to Dave. The fact that I still miss Dave does not detract from the love and marriage I share with Andy. I know that who I am, the fact that I am able to stand up for myself, that I am more confident in who I am, is partly due to my relationship with Dave. I miss our home there, the horse riding, the friends, the hikes along trails that weren't there, Cosco shopping, our friends, deep-fried turkey, Dave's family, even the snow. 

Here I am making new memories, having goals and dreams of a future I wouldn't have had if I was still with Dave in the US. It's not the same and yet, it's part of moving forward and choosing to be thankful and choosing to walk forward instead of giving up. I know when Dave passed away, when I was leaving our home for the last time and I was crying and wondering why God took Dave instead of me, that in my heart, I realized that God still had a plan for my life and I know that whatever that plan might be, it's not going to happen unless I choose life.

A friend posted a cartoon on Facebook today:

Ain't that the truth?! 

I am thankful for what I have in my life today. I couldn't have imagined this life a year, three years ago. I don't think Dave passing away is a good thing but I know that despite that pain, God was and is close to me and He gives me blessings to strengthen me and simply just to enjoy.

This coming November, a group of friends want to do a colour run. It's only 5kms but as I don't enjoy running, I am going to work on enjoying it. I am choosing to live healthier with small achievable goals and Andy is supporting me in this. This week's goal is to walk briskly for 30 minutes (in addition to the sport I do) and cut back on diet coke and drink more water. When that is easy, I will take it a step further. (Pardon the pun.) I work full-time, I study part-time, play indoor netball and squash once a week and train for netball once a week so finding the time to walk is going to be a challenge but I want to do it. So far, I've done well and I am feeling good about it. I am thankful for the good health I enjoy.

At the end of this month is my son's wedding and I am looking forward to being there for that. Not sure how a mother of the groom is supposed to feel but I've got the outfit and I am thankful for the beautiful woman he is marrying. They are both a blessing to each other and I am proud of the man my son has become.

I am still loving my class and they are a joy to teach. They have all learned to love reading and even the librarian loves them coming to the library. She calls me on the class phone if we are running a bit late to hurry us up. They choose their books and sit down absorbed in their 'new' novels and are even oblivious to me taking photos of them.

Andy and I went on a lovely break a few weeks ago while school was on term break. We went to a beach that was mostly deserted and went for long walks. Andy swam a couple times. Maybe one day we will retire there. I'll add a few photos of that holiday here now.

 

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement. When life is tough, as is normal I think, it's good to know that we both are privileged to have your friendship and love. Oh, I almost forgot to say - this afternoon after we'd done our brisk walk, I got a phone call from a friend who lives around the corner and who also goes to the new church Andy and I have just started going to, so we put our runners back on and went and spent a couple of hours with them. Andy hadn't had the opportunity to get to know them before this so it was good to see him getting on really well with Graham. They have quite a few things in common (mainly sport) and they're planning to start riding their bikes together.

Life is good. Sometimes I forget how good it is when I am facing conflict or struggling with getting uni subjects done or missing close friends and family but when I stop and look back, look forward and even at what I have now, I am thankful.