In a week's time my son will be getting married and Andy and I will be flying down there for the weekend. It is very exciting and I have bought an outfit that is befitting the 'mother of the groom' status. Nathan's wife to-be is a lovely young lady and they make a great team. I am thankful for both of them and will be praying for them as they join their lives together and begin this next step in their lives.
Last night, I held a linen party at my home and had about ten of my friends come and join in for the fun. I am thankful for the friends I have. We laugh, cry, talk and chat together and last night was no exception. Some of the friends I work with and others, such as Sharyn, have been part of my life for a long time. The reason I had the party is because I found a doona (bedspread) that both Andy and I like. This has been no mean feat! Since the start of the year, almost, I have dragged Andy in and out of stores, looking at different quilts and neither of us really being agreed on what we would like. When Sharyn gave me a catalogue, I took it home to Andy and we found one so I knew the best way to buy it, was to have a party and get the discounts from it.
While I was at work, Andy got the house cleaned and baked a banana/choc-chip cake. I had already made and prepared other treats and a couple of my friends were also bringing snacks. Before they all arrived, Andy 'ran' out of the house and as tennis had been cancelled, he went and did some shopping. When he came home, he put his hood over his face and almost ran past the living room so that no one could see him although we all chorused with a "Hi Andy!" He went to the bedroom where he had placed some snacks, his book etc so that he didn't have to come and be part of the party. He said it would ruin what little reputation he had left of being a blokey-bloke if he was caught looking at linen with the girls.
In the end, I showed him some samples of other quilts that hadn't been in the catalogue and we chose a different one which we are both happy about. I am excited because the quilt will be 'ours', not what Dave and I had as ours. I think I will tuck Dave's and my quilt away because I don't really want to give it away just yet. Life keeps moving on and as I said to Andy last night, I am happy with Andy and we need to continue to make our life and memories together. I loved Dave and I still miss him sometimes but I love Andy and our life together is different and good.
Last week I discovered I was behind in my studies and that I had a quiz to do this week so I needed to focus on catching up on all the reading!!! That was a lot! So every night after school, I would read and study. All last weekend, I would read as well as every night this week. This morning I got up, had a couple pieces of toast and a pain-killer and went back to bed. A few hours later I got up again, planning to continue studying but took another couple headache tablets and went back to bed and slept again. Andy was concerned and suggested that I was exhausted. He is probably right. He stayed by my side for most of the day and was reading. I assume he was by my side but then again, I don't know for sure because apparently I was really out of it. He was there when I woke up each time and he kept asking if there was anything he could do to help me. He is a good man.
Tonight, after dinner, I studied/revised my readings and then did a practice quiz to see whether I was ready to do the actual quiz as part of my assessment. As I only got one question wrong, I will do the 'real quiz' tomorrow afternoon. I am studying "Consultation and Collaboration" which aims to teach how to help those who may be having issues, problems in the workforce and particularly in the education field. It does touch on some of the skills and things I have learned in other subjects I've done in this course and I find it interesting. I am glad I enjoy learning and that I am doing an interesting course.
Life goes on. It has its trials and people can let you down but in the bigger picture, some of what can overwhelm us, is really not all that important. I have been reflecting a bit on my past over the last week and I am thankful for where I am at now. It hasn't been easy and there have been times when I have wondered why. I look back on those difficult times and I am reminded of the Bible verse Mark Lowry quotes, "And it came to pass". Those difficult times are used to strengthen us and give us a deeper understanding of the real purpose of life. They become the basis for choices we make in the future and they help us understand what really is important to us.
I am thankful for the friends and family God has given me. I feel incredibly privileged to have such sincere, awesome, honest friends. When people quote those pithy statements about how there are only one or two real friends in the world, I look around me and say, "Not in my case!"
I think relationships are what matters most in this world.
I could have added more photos below but to include all my friends would have taken a long time and I need to go back to bed to prepare for the day ahead tomorrow.
This weekend marks three years since Dave passed away. Yesterday afternoon, while Andy took Milly for a walk, I used the time alone to reflect and also to play some online games that Dave used to play. I am so thankful for the short time I was married to Dave. It was too short but we made some memories that will stay with me for a long time. The friends and family that were part of our lives are still dear to me and I miss them. Reading through Facebook statuses, a few of them posted about how they still miss Dave and I commiserated with them but on the other hand, still felt like I was on my own. I am very thankful that one of Dave's brothers sent me a message to say he was thinking of me too.
My life has changed since Dave passed away. I'm in a different country, I am teaching full-time and studying, I am married to someone different to Dave. The fact that I still miss Dave does not detract from the love and marriage I share with Andy. I know that who I am, the fact that I am able to stand up for myself, that I am more confident in who I am, is partly due to my relationship with Dave. I miss our home there, the horse riding, the friends, the hikes along trails that weren't there, Cosco shopping, our friends, deep-fried turkey, Dave's family, even the snow.
Here I am making new memories, having goals and dreams of a future I wouldn't have had if I was still with Dave in the US. It's not the same and yet, it's part of moving forward and choosing to be thankful and choosing to walk forward instead of giving up. I know when Dave passed away, when I was leaving our home for the last time and I was crying and wondering why God took Dave instead of me, that in my heart, I realized that God still had a plan for my life and I know that whatever that plan might be, it's not going to happen unless I choose life.
A friend posted a cartoon on Facebook today:
Ain't that the truth?!
I am thankful for what I have in my life today. I couldn't have imagined this life a year, three years ago. I don't think Dave passing away is a good thing but I know that despite that pain, God was and is close to me and He gives me blessings to strengthen me and simply just to enjoy.
This coming November, a group of friends want to do a colour run. It's only 5kms but as I don't enjoy running, I am going to work on enjoying it. I am choosing to live healthier with small achievable goals and Andy is supporting me in this. This week's goal is to walk briskly for 30 minutes (in addition to the sport I do) and cut back on diet coke and drink more water. When that is easy, I will take it a step further. (Pardon the pun.) I work full-time, I study part-time, play indoor netball and squash once a week and train for netball once a week so finding the time to walk is going to be a challenge but I want to do it. So far, I've done well and I am feeling good about it. I am thankful for the good health I enjoy.
At the end of this month is my son's wedding and I am looking forward to being there for that. Not sure how a mother of the groom is supposed to feel but I've got the outfit and I am thankful for the beautiful woman he is marrying. They are both a blessing to each other and I am proud of the man my son has become.
I am still loving my class and they are a joy to teach. They have all learned to love reading and even the librarian loves them coming to the library. She calls me on the class phone if we are running a bit late to hurry us up. They choose their books and sit down absorbed in their 'new' novels and are even oblivious to me taking photos of them.
Andy and I went on a lovely break a few weeks ago while school was on term break. We went to a beach that was mostly deserted and went for long walks. Andy swam a couple times. Maybe one day we will retire there. I'll add a few photos of that holiday here now.
Thanks for your prayers and encouragement. When life is tough, as is normal I think, it's good to know that we both are privileged to have your friendship and love. Oh, I almost forgot to say - this afternoon after we'd done our brisk walk, I got a phone call from a friend who lives around the corner and who also goes to the new church Andy and I have just started going to, so we put our runners back on and went and spent a couple of hours with them. Andy hadn't had the opportunity to get to know them before this so it was good to see him getting on really well with Graham. They have quite a few things in common (mainly sport) and they're planning to start riding their bikes together.
Life is good. Sometimes I forget how good it is when I am facing conflict or struggling with getting uni subjects done or missing close friends and family but when I stop and look back, look forward and even at what I have now, I am thankful.
