Steep, Rocky Climb

I was reading my last post and realized that sometimes I still think that way - still get overwhelmed by all that is on my plate and yet I try to maintain a heart of thankfulness, too. We get so caught up in daily life that we not only take it for granted, we forget that it is temporary and we need to enjoy each moment. On the other hand, while it seems a contradiction, I also have to remind myself of my long-term goals and dreams.

Recently I read on one of my friend's Facebook pages: "When someone you love dies, you never quite get over it. You just slowly learn how to go on without them. But always keeping them tucked safely in your heart." Yesterday I picked up the coat stand off the floor in order to fix it. When I brought it back here from the States, it was broken a little and a friend fixed it for me - glued it back together - but by the time it got here, that 'fix' was inevitably weakened and it broke again. I glued it back but yesterday, I discovered that a chunk of it was broken off and I can't fix it and will have to throw it out. At first, I was really upset. I started sorting through the clothes in my wardrobe and came across some things of Dave's and was deciding if I should throw them our or keep them. Some things fit Andy and he was quite happy to have them and wear them. That meant a lot to me because a) I didn't want to throw them out and b) he didn't mind having something that belonged to Dave.

Later I was reflecting about all my stuff including the stuff I keep for "memories". If it is gone, if I can't use it for what it is, if it is broken, whatever the reason, I don't need to keep the stuff. The memories are always there. (This is not including photos!) But if I forget one memory, I still have others and in the meantime, I am making more memories. I wondered why I keep so much stuff. It's good to get bargains on sale but I don't save anything if I didn't need it or can't use it.

I was studying yesterday afternoon and checked out Facebook on one of my breaks, reading about the fun everyone seemed to be having on their Saturdays and it seemed unfair. Here I am stuck in my office, studying, when I just wanted to go out for the day and play. I had to keep reminding myself that I like learning, that I want to do this course and it's only a temporary thing. I will be finished in 2 years and in the meantime, I  get breaks when I can relax and have fun without worrying about study during July and at the end of the year. Last night, Andy commented that we don't seem to have much time for fun lately and I totally agreed, especially as this was after I'd had the above thoughts and feelings.

I love teaching. I told my class the other day that they are definitely one of the best classes I have ever had. We have fun together, we joke around but they have also learnt when it's time to stop laughing and get serious about work. One of the students in another class, told his brother that he was looking forward to being in my class and his brother said it was good to start with but then it gets boring. I laughed and admitted that would be when the kids realize they still have to do Math problems and learn about writing genres and grammar.... On the other hand, in Science the other day, we baked bread loaves. One with yeast, one without and that was fun learning about micro-organisms!  Yes I love my class but sometimes it is hard work.

I love studying and learning and am thankful for the privilege of doing this course but right now - with an assignment due in a few weeks and needing to do all the reading and thinking, it is hard work and I can't take too much time away from study. I come home from work and if I don't have anything else to go to, I need to study. I love playing netball and squash but I have to remember to enjoy it and not put so much pressure on myself to play to win. I can shoot goals for netball but when I miss, I get discouraged. To add to this, Andy and I are also considering going to another, smaller church so we are visiting other churches and that is another stress. I wish things could just fall into place and we could live our lives without making having to go through so many changes.

Today, I deliberately took a break from study and all the other pressures and we decided to go to the park where our wedding photos were taken to re-enact the photos and play. I got my camera out and was really excited about taking photos. We even took Milly with us. However, after about the 5th detour, we realized we weren't going to the park after all as there was another event happening there and instead, we drove up to a bush land reserve that my students had told me was an easy climb to the top. It wasn't. It was a steep, rocky climb and we did it in the middle of the day. We were unprepared so I was wearing jeans and we didn't have any water with us or hats on. Milly loved it. When climbers passed by, she would go up to them, sit, wag her tail and wait for the inevitable pat and the "Oh, you're such a cute puppy" exclamation.

I am thankful for the support Andy gives me. It is nice being able to relax and be with another person with whom I can share good times and hard times. He looks for ways to make my life easier and we both like having fun together. For everything that is in my life, I am thankful. It may be hard work at times but it is all worth it. Just like climbing that steep, rocky track and seeing the view was worth it.